Addicted to Love

How many times have you listened to a friend talk about her terrible relationship, only to realize that nothing you can say or do will get her to end it?

I never learn that these people are caught in a cycle of addiction and will crawl back for more abuse until circumstances intervene to break things off.

It should be easy for smart people to figure out that they’re playing a losing game. To everyone else, it’s all so obvious. Now there are 12 step groups for Love Addiction but try getting your friend to go to a meeting. I once got as far as showing someone the online questionnaire about Love Addiction. She answered Yes to nearly every question. But mostly what she really wanted was to talk about the horrible creep who was making her miserable and showed every intention of making her even more miserable.

A long time ago in a galaxy far away, I got caught up like this. A man who didn’t love me and treated me badly was ruining my life. When I broke up with him, he took it well. I felt proud of myself for ending it. Now I would be free! Within 48 hours, I’d call him and whine, “I miss you.” Thus would begin another round of the same pathetic cycle. I needed a fix of whatever it was he was dealing, and he was glad to give it to me. In retrospect, I am amazed at how patient my friends were when I ranted about what a bastard he was.

Feelings of inadequacy, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, buried rage, lack of self-identity are all characteristics of the Love Addict. Then there’s the dopamine issue once the game gets going.

It’s so painful to watch someone you care about waste their time and batter their own self-esteem through this irrational and obsessive behavior. I have three friends at present who are lost in addictive affairs that are dragging them down. I wish I could help, but I can’t. I’m glad it’s not me, though.

If you’ve broken free of a screwed up addictive relationship, what have you learned about yourself? What helped you to survive the withdrawal? Or how have you been able to lead a friend toward self-preservation?

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41 Responses to Addicted to Love

  1. XuXu says:

    Wolf of the Ladiest And Sisterest Degree:

    For years I was a sex and love addict.
    Stereotypically, it rose from the delights
    of childhood sexual abuse and neglect
    and lead me into dangerous places
    entwined in the kind of bullshit
    you describe.

    Then a great therapist recommended this book:

    Women, Sex, and Addiction: A Search for Love and Power.
    by Charlotte Davis Kasl

    That book. pimp slapped. my ass.

    I have also learned thusly:
    all relationships are globs of blood and matter
    and heart beats that we stick together in order
    to resolve past fuckedupness with others.

    for years I was reenacting my sexual abuse
    with other, sometimes very nice, people.

    When I finally found myself with a cokehead
    and porn addict who was born and made
    to trigger everyone of my terrors, and I finally
    pulled my ass out of that relationship
    and “saved” myself…>that is when I finally
    was able to break the addictive cycle and
    even forgive my abuser. Just like that.

    I feel like everything we do is a warbled,
    sometimes completely stupid, way of
    trying to return to the whole and untouched
    perfection that we were at conception.

    What ever that means.

    WHERE ARE MY ANTLERS!!!!!!

    xuxu
    http://www.frenchshelter.blogspot.com

  2. WendyB says:

    My last bad relationship was a friendship, not a romantic relationship, but it still sucked up ALL my time and energy. It was by far the worst relationship of any kind that I ever had and, yes, I drove my other friends crazy ranting about it while they just wished for me to get some sense and end it. I think I got so far into it because, in a way, I was ready to believe that people can’t be “cured,” and that my fix-it tendencies were not going to make a difference — but I had to see it in the most extreme way possible to believe it. I don’t think I will make the same mistake again…I sure hope not.

  3. Faux Fuchsia says:

    I just read this fascinating post over the phone to my sister in Hong Kong. We know lots of love addicts but don’t know how to assist withdrawl. If only there was a patch like the ones people use when they stop smoking. Low self esteem, lack of identity and fear of abandonment are the Devil’s work. They lead to so many problems- love addiction just being one.

  4. theresa says:

    i lost my last love addiction because I found another ridiculous person to obsess about. I think I have a pretty functional sense of identity, but new relationships are so exciting and invigorating that i lose all perspective of how much time actually gets sucked up by my directionless passion…

    I dont know. I’ll get over it one day. hopefully.

  5. I had one love addiction thing when I was 21 and cured myself by the age of 23 but it was such a f***ing waste of time and energy and missed opportunities I wish someone had drugged and kidnapped me to end it. Such a rubbish thing to do/happen but thankfully only once.

    I have no patience over these matters – I always say it is allowed in your 20s but that is it! Mind you the next person I hooked up with was an arse but at least I wasn’t addicted to the person/relationship. I’d much rather be on my own and happy.

  6. Elizabeth says:

    Yeah, my last relationship was like that, a constant cycle of break-ups and make-ups over two years. It finally ended for good when I had an abortion. Sometimes it takes a shock like that to finally get that crap out of your system. I’m a little older and wiser now, I hope.

  7. arline says:

    I have a friend who is in the throws of a destruction cycle, and by god, she is determined to MAKE it work, no matter the cost, and her soul is the payment, along with any dignity and self esteem that may have been there.

    Now you mentioned the 12 steps, which I have the highest degree of respect for, and I use them for my own unwanted circumstances. They have helped me tremendously, but they will only work if the participant is open to them, and is willing to be honest on the deepest level. THAT is not easy.

    Usually those in a shit relationship, are in it for deep, and untouched reasons, though they refuse to see this, because it is painful, and the surface pain that an unhealthy relationship can bring, often seems easier to face. Even those who are pretty self aware, often find it difficult to break free.

    It does not matter what the addiction is though, it is all a distraction that keeps the person from going to the core of themselves.

    It requires self love and willingness to feel some old pain to heal, but it is hard to love yourself, when you don’t feel lovable or wanted.

    Seeking love from another, especially one that is NOT capable is only reinforces a sick self belief, and makes the person try harder to grasp for what is not there.

    I have been there with relationships, my last boyfriend had a strong hold on me, that I could not break away from for years, even after we broke up. I shudder to think how many times I let him into my space at 2 am (never mind that he had other girlfriends..). I have not been in a relationship since we broke up, and it has been a few years. Space is necessary in the healing process, but my it is my fear that keeps me at a distance from the idea of a relationship. I think I have touched on this before in another one of your posts, but since you bring this up, I believe it is an opportunity to reflect deeper.

    When I watch my friend, I am flooded with all the memories of my own behavior, and tendencies to grasp on to another for love. I am also angered, because I know there is a solution and I want my friend to be happy and free. I know how many times I have rejected the solution and chosen to indulge in the addiction. (what ever the addiction was at the time)

    I realized, that I was not helping her, by getting caught up in the drama, or by trying to enlighten her, by tough love, speaking the truth about my observations, or what ever. She was NOT hearing it. Like you said, she wants to complain about the cycle, she does not want to do want it takes to heal, Not yet any way.

    It is not my responsibility to impose my help on someone who does not want it. I found that I was in fact, not being helpful, and was spending energy in a way that was serving no one. I was getting angry and would avoid her calls. I was letting her situation (which is NONE of my business) infuse my thoughts, which would often spoil my day, sometimes when I did allow myself to get sucked into the drama, I would refer to him as Fuckface, which never went over real well.

    That is not the kind of friend I want to be. I want to have compassion and love for the people in my world, and sometimes, that means I have to step away, and shut the fuck up, and let them be in their own process.

    So I try.

    It is not fun to watch someone you care about go down a destructive path, but how do I know what is highest and best for them, besides, I have my own issues to contend with.

    As for my own issues… I have just recently started opening up to the prospect of letting someone in. The guys that I have been attracting lately, seem to be different. I am different now, and I have more self love than I used to. I am not afraid of being alone, and would choose that over a bullshit dance, that offers no real joy. I hope, that when I do let him in, that I will be able to speak my truth, my heart, without fear of rejection. The truth is, that I have rejected myself in the past, and I no longer wish to do that,

    I have made a commitment to face my fears, and while it is not very comfortable at times, I know that to find freedom in union, I have to do so.

    We shall see.

    Thank you for this post.
    xoxoxo

  8. backspace says:

    Hi, Sister Wolf honestly i’m one of those love addicts at the moment for about three years, me and my BF are in long distance relationship and i don’t know how but currently i started to realize that i am not like what i used to be before i met him and i kinda missed my old identity..but u just said it!! “Feelings of inadequacy, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, buried rage, lack of self-identity are all characteristics of the Love Addict” that is sooo mee… funny thing is being far from him gives me space to think about my self and there has been this desire in me to get out of this relationships but in the end, i always got back to him…just today, we had a big fight and this big part of me really wanted to breakthrough and just quit breaking my own heart with my decision to stay in the not-so healthy relationship :S

  9. M says:

    I’m stuck in one of those scenarios at the moment.

  10. Aja says:

    I’m out. Two weeks free and getting stronger every day. It’s helped me realize what I absolutely don’t want in my life. So thank you. You were right. It’s hard to be single but it beats being with someone when it’s clearly not working.

  11. Margot says:

    a new subject matter for you Sister Wolf:

    http://thekillingmoonconfused.blogspot.com/

  12. Lara says:

    I adore your blog and have mentioned it a few times on my own but this is the first time I’ve been compelled to comment.

    I been in both your friend’s and your own situation. One thing I have learned is that people have to learn from thier own mistakes. The sting of failure and emotional pain does more to make a lesson stick than having someone else tell you what to do.

    My measly little psych degree has also taught me to be a good listener (and to also know when to quit listening). Asking your friend clever questions like: “What do you really want? What do you think you deserve? How did that make you feel?” – these veiled questions cause your friend to do some introspective work rather than throwing a pity party. If they can’t get off the “I’m going to wallow but have no intention of making my life better” trip, then you have to either tell them you can’t listen to them ruin themselves anymore or just ignore thier calls. It sounds cruel but sometimes tough love is needed.

    I have had my own experience with dysfunctional relationships. We all do at one point. I’m nurturing and generous, with a strong character, and I have my life together. This inevitably attracts weak minded men who need a mommy. They are usually selfish, wreckless, immature… and we keep on making excuses for them. It’s bullshit.

    There’s a quote from Margo Kaufman: “The only thing worse than a man you can’t control is a man you can.”

    I have to remind myself of this when my bf irritates me and be thankful that he’s not a weak-minded selfish wuss who drags me down.

    I’ve noticed in abusive relationships, that when a woman has no boundaries set, when she says she won’t put up with certain disrespectful behaviour but ends up forgiving it anyhow, when she has no overt self-respect and is constantly doting on a man – the man loses respect for the women, is usually immature and runs with it and then the cycle of abuse and frustration begins. I went through it myself. I cried almost every day for a year. I was so deep in it that I couldn’t see the forest from the trees. I was isolated, had lost myself and my social circle. Then, one day he said something so simple yet so hateful and something clicked in my head and I was done. I called a cab, packed what I could and got the hell out. I never looked back. Over 10 years later and I still wouldn’t spit on him if he was on fire. I was young and stupid and have forgiven myself. My life is great. He’s still a worthless P.O.S.

    You deserve to be with someone who lifts you up, who inspires you, who leaves you with no doubt. I would rather be alone than ever settle again. There is no shame in being single. I have been annoyed by girlfriends who wanted to get drinks one night and were constantly looking over my shoulder to scope out guys. Can’t you just have a good time with your friends? Can’t you put some energy into yourself, your family, your career, your hobbies, your wardrobe, your home, your friends – without always needing a man to justify your worth?

    The best things happen when you least expect it… when you’re completely immersed in yourself and creating a healthy happy life. That’s also when you will truly have something to offer to someone who deserves you.

    I loved this post and all the wise responses. We deserve better ladies!

  13. Ann says:

    I’m with WendyB. My last bad relationship was a friendship, based on the same desire to be a savior to a destructive, lost soul. All the while, my own soul was being eaten alive by the constant drama. A huge weight lifted off my shoulders when I finally walked away from it – and as you pointed out, it was a final circumstance that made me terminate the relationship. No amount of rationalization or intervention from the people around me could make me see the situation for what it was. I look back at it now and can’t believe what I allowed to happen.

    I am currently witness to a family member who is in a terrible relationship with a terrible person and there isn’t a damn thing I can do to get her to see the light. If anyone has words of wisdom, please do share, though I suspect it’s like quitting anything addictive – it won’t end til the person addicted is good and ready to end it.

  14. Bessie the Buddha cow says:

    Whew . . . I dated this guy for three months. The first date was a world wind of fun and romance, . . . and then the relationship went to hell in hand basket. He was opportunistic, clingy, needy, controlling, and still lived with his MOTHER, and two yapping, annoying dogs. I ended it quickly when the details of his life stated to emerge, and when I realized I was headed into to deep shit. When I ended it, that’s when he said he “loved” me, which creeped me out even more. He pleaded to at least remain friends, and I couldn’t handle even that (bad is bad). Every molecule in my body said, “stay away, stay away.” I was never so relieved to end a relationship.

  15. TheShoeGirl says:

    Wow look at these comments. What a great post.
    WOW @ that survey. I can’t imagine how many girls answer yes to many of those.

  16. Aja says:

    Bessie, I feel like we dated the same guy. Minus the living with the mother detail. But besides that all the other pieces of the puzzle sound familiar.

  17. Dru says:

    No bad relationships here, but I had a toxic friendship when I was 16 (actually, it ended when I was 16, we were friends for five years before that). It just got tiring because I felt used, betrayed and intellectually inferior all the time when I was around her. And like some stupid puppy, I kept going back for more until I decided I’d had enough.
    In retrospect, I hurt her by breaking it off, too- but life was too short to spend around someone who always saw me as competition first (competition for what? The better part of a decade later, I still don’t get it). It’s still good I learned that lesson comparatively early in life though.

    My best friend, though, had a really awful, abusive relationship with an older guy when we were 19. And when I say ‘abusive’, I mean physically abusive, too- we had some bad nights worrying about her safety because the bastard could climb the walls of apartment buildings, including hers, like Spiderman. She still refused to see him for the cunt he was though. Thankfully, they are not seeing each other any more but I believe they’re still on talking terms.

  18. Dru says:

    Bessie- in my neck of the world, it’s quite common for people to live with their parents, esp. if they’re still students/not married. The mere fact of them doing so doesn’t freak me out (it’s an Asian-family thing, I guess). But yeah, excessive parental attachment/mummy’s boy tendencies are a total red flag.

  19. dust says:

    My husband falls into description. We live like friends now (you can imagine what this means) cos’ I’m not giving in. For all self-identity that he lost by putting his hopes for eternal happiness into me (?) and not into living his own life and having his own stuff to obsess about, I’ve gained, because, I repeat, I didn’t give in!

    This summer we will part our ways and my life will be exactly the same, only the address will change. Never give in!

  20. Joy D. says:

    I thought I was in a similar situation as your friend but I wasn’t talking to my bf. I wasn’t trying to understand him I was just trying to get my own point across. So in a sense I was feeding my own addiction but now I am having an ACTUAL relationship which was tough at first but I am so glad I was able ot fix the problem.

    I know that you and your friend are older than I but I take the tough love approach to giving advice. I think your opening paragraph would be a great way to tell your friend the reality of her situation. It is harsh but I think you can handle it and I think that if they are our friend they will understand and appreciate your outside perspective.

  21. damaia says:

    I’ve never had a romantic relationship like this, but oh man did I ever have a “toxic” friendship. I woke up after six years of “best-friend-dom” to realize that she’d successfully isolated me from everyone else I used to be friends with, had essentially made me into her full-time mother/caretaker at college (down to things like “it’s time to eat”/”did you brush your teeth today?”/”your room stinks, do your laundry”), was copying my every move, and continually mocked and belittled any attempt to be my own person. She was also chronically depressed, morbidly obese, terminally lazy, and continually mistook childish, irrational cynicism about everything and everyone as some kind of intellectual superiority.

    I transferred colleges when I couldn’t take it anymore. I am now, apparently, responsible for “ruining her life” and “betraying her trust” and “abandoning her”.

  22. erika says:

    I had a good relationship that turned bad. I spent the last two years of it miserable. We would argue and I would apologize. I liked to apologize to keep the peace and he would use it to show how wrong I was and hold it over my head. Looking back he was just unhappy with his life in general. Not doing what he wanted. He took it out on me.
    We are friends now. He ended up in a relationship two months after we broke up. Some girl he found internet dating…Made me feel like I was just a warm body so he wouldn’t be alone. He told me a while back that I wasn’t mean enough. Whatever. I hope his current girlfriend is mean enough for him now. I like very even relationships. Reciprocal loving, kindness, give and take. I think that a lot of people don’t know how to have balance and only know how to trod on someone or be trodded upon.
    My friendships have tended to be the same way. Right now I have a friend who says insensitive things and I would defend myself then she would say ” you are being too sensitive” Now I just ignore it and she kisses up. It’s funny to recognize that dynamic.
    ughhh, I am always looking for the balance. I would like to meet a nice even person that just wants to spend time with someone without all of the psychological playing out of our inner issues. Like let’s just make nice and have a good time. Sounds good to me. I have been single for 2 1/2 years. I am also in the throes of the getting older horny woman phase. That is hard. I am keeping dilligent though, I refuse to get involved with just any jerk. Bad relationships just feel so been there done that.

  23. Bevitron says:

    I had a couple of bastard addictions a long, long time ago, and looking back on them with “what in the HELL was I thinking” hindsight, I realize that I was getting something out of each one. I think (in my case) it was the drama, the sheer feeling of being in a maelstrom of serious passion. I mean if I was upset and crying and miserable all the time, it HAD to be love, right? People in happy, “normal” relationships just didn’t know what it was all about, like I did. Oh, Jesus God, what a pile of shit. And many friends tried to help me see, but, you know, there are none so blind… Especially when the actress in the drama is riding so wild and high (or low, more accurately) on a wave of Byronic unhappiness. Truth is, I actually think I felt superior somehow, in my nutty, agonizing attachments. That, and it was something to do. Weird as that sounds, it did fill a kind of void. The lack of identity thing, I guess.

  24. Jill says:

    Love the image. Stealing it…will possibly show up on my sidebar.

    Regarding question…

    high school boyfriend + his intense jealousy
    + fabulous sex – a myriad number of breakups + back for fabulous sex
    – increasing number of bruises both physical and mental = a learning experience I was lucky to extricate from and learn from and have never repeated.

    Oh, but the sex!

  25. Jenny Dunville says:

    Arline, you say “step away, and shut the fuck up, and let them be in their own process.”

    Truly the best advice.

    Even when counseling my adult children on their relationships, I strive to do this. It’s hard (w/my mouth & spectacular lack of patience) but very effective.

  26. Braindance says:

    Such excellent reading ladies, some gems of advice and stories.

    So scary to think I may have to watch my daughters go through these kinds of experiences, will I wade in, guns blazing like Clint Eastwood in the film Unforgiven?
    Will I have the fortitude and strenght to hold back and let them learn the hard way?
    I honestly do not know, I want to drop kick small children who upset my girls at present, what will I be like when it is a hairy man breaking their heart?

    This post and responses really has given me food for thought, because you can give your children your best, and a magnitude of life skills tools, does that mean they are going to use them when it comes to matters of the heart?
    Thinking with my mother hat on, which we all know, is impossible to take off, does it get any easier when your children are adults?
    Is it possible to sit back and wait for them to see the light, or would it always be a bone of contention, their love for an asshole?
    I hope my girls choose men like their dad, for all of our sakes

  27. annemarie says:

    I’m totally with Make Do (and, weirdly, also had the same learning curve at the exact same age)– love addiction is allowed in your 20s, but by your 30s you should have snapped out of it. If you haven’t, there’s a massive problem there and it has nothing to do with love.

  28. Iron Chic says:

    I learned from my last (and final) toxic relationship that I really can’t judge other people.
    I know what it means to start adult life as a confident 18 year old and wind up 30, heartbroken and a shell of a human being. You tend to do stupid things when you think you are the lowest form of life.
    I was so destroyed by the things I let someone do to me, I would drink myself to sleep every afternoon for two years. I couldn’t work and I was in a spiral of depression. I can only imagine what my friends thought about me. But thank God I know what is like to be that unhappy…I never take a moment of my present life for granted.

  29. Bessie the Buddha cow says:

    Aja, maybe it was the same guy? Are you in LA? Dru, this guy could be a grandfather; I’m no spring chicken (though I do dress like one at times). I think anyone under 50 living with his or her parent is okay (see how liberal I am), and even boomerang is okay, but never leaving home IS NOT OKAY at 50+.
    Yikes, I just gave myself the willies.

  30. Dru says:

    Bessie- OUCH! I do agree, living with the parentals and never having left home at 50+ in an urban area, is too much.

  31. 3 1/2 years, and I guess it wasn’t a total waste as I realized finally what a disaster such a relationship can be (and I was totally addicted to the misery, the make-ups, the break-ups, GOD). It’s not like I didn’t make mistakes after, but I was a lot more self-aware. Youth and insecurity make one so vulnerable.

  32. Nikki says:

    I’ve only had these types of damaging relationships. Two became stalkers. I’m now 51, never married. I’ve spent years in-between not dating at all, then my insane desperation for connection & intimacy drove me towards another creature with a hidden addiction. Not consciously, perhaps just instinct of what felt “normal” up to that point.

    I have a brand new behavior. I finally got fed up with accepting & allowing bad treatment. I am responsible for what/who comes into my life. I am still sans partner, still searching, optimistic.

    After the last 5-yrs alone with 2-dozen 1st dates crossed off in my appointment book, I have learned:

    1. I feel empowered by saying ‘no’ to someone who does not have my best interests at heart. I go home a bit disappointed & lonely… but my self-esteem & self-respect are intact. They are currently the best things to tuck myself into bed with. I love the newfound feeling that I stuck up for myself.

    2. Snakes reveal themselves within the first 5-min. All I need do is take a step back & observe.

    3. I now believe what I see, no matter how adorable the package.

    4. I now believe what I hear, no matter how attractive the voice/accent or the protestations that I misunderstood. I no longer make excuses for a man who is too sub-human to admit his mistakes & apologize or better yet, chooses his words lovingly & carefully. My hearing, powers of perception & ability to decipher language work just fine. I know what I heard. Exit, stage left. Next!

    5. I now trust what I feel. It is my inate gift of protecting my very essence, spirit & soul. That’s why I have feelings. They work well, always did. I dusted them off & now utilize them. Bonus: they’re free.

    6. If I would not treat another person as poorly as he’s expecting me to accept, I need to pick myself up & walk away in silence. He doesn’t deserve parting pleasantries, a respectful ‘thank you for the drink/lunch/dinner & goodbye’ or an explanation. He already knows the reason. He’s done this before to other women who’ve allowed it. I, however, no longer allow it. Talk to the hand, because I will say nothing. You deserve nothing more from me. I deserve only better.

    He is testing me to see if I’ll take on his abhorant behavior. He’s a victim gatherer. It is his pattern. Let him change it. I no longer allow myself to be collected by victim gatherers. I am not an article. Until I meet the best, I will not bide my time with anyone who treats me as less than… I am more than in many ways. Find out, gently or move on, quickly.

    7. If I’d like to date an athletic man my age I have something in common with, I will frequent places where men are physically active & I have things in common with them. I will no longer complain if I suddenly discover the boyfriend I met in a bar, who only wants to frequent bars, has a full-blown drinking problem, but, I can’t discuss it with him because he’s at the bar.

    8. I mean what I say & I always follow through. I’m here, I’m clear, get used to it!

    9. I’m a work in progress. I reserve the right to edit ideas, thoughts & beliefs, purging that which doesn’t serve me any longer & adding in that which will. I am the perfect reflection of what I believe & live now. That in itself is enough. I will decide how I reflect myself daily. Should anyone tell me differently, the eject button will be utilized & entry tickets shall be confiscated. No admission after show begins. I’m not sorry.

    10. I am a loving soul with a great mind in a greater body. Observe posted sign: Don’t feed the Goddess. I will decide what I take in each & everyday. Problem? I thought not. Thank you.

  33. jennine says:

    one of my good friends went to slaa, and she really learned a lot from it. although, she had to go a year with no sex… and i couldn’t believe it, she actually did it. (or didn’t do it?) though, getting through this isn’t by any means a short process, she’s finally started dating again and the guys she dates now are a lot different, and certainly less loser-y.

  34. sketch42 says:

    So, this is going to seem strange, but I married the person I was love addicted to. At first we had a normal relationship, then we almost got married, and then broke up. THEN I was love addicted, and obsessed and we were sneaking around for around 6 months. none of my firends could stand me. I had serious problems.

    THEN, after therapy and a new job. I finally got over it and we slowly got back together and got married. And now, we have a kid and have been married for 4 years.

    Lets put it this way, not love addicted anymore! Very placid marriage… maybe we got out all the fighting and stalking before….

  35. Aja says:

    Bessie, I live on the opposite coast (outside of DC) . . . but the behavior pattern sounds pretty similar and awful. Here’s to not dating terrible people. The problem is, they always start out okay, don’t they?

  36. Faux Fuchsia says:

    Oprah likes to mention something that Maya Angelou once said to her “When someone tells you who they are, believe them!”. There’s something in that for all of us.

  37. Julia says:

    I have a love addiction. I’ve had the same boyfriend for 3 years, since I was 17. I often think I’m too young to be in such a relationship, but whatever. Even when I think we would perhaps be better off apart (eventually, anyway) I don’t break it off. Oh well, at least i’m happy right now!

  38. Iron Chic says:

    Faux Fuchsia- Oprah also says that there is a little voice inside you that tells you the truth and that you can either listen to it or ignore it. THAT stuck with me for some reason…I know about that little voice now.
    haha, Oprah.

  39. Suspended says:

    I knew the responses in this thread would be looong.

    Toxic friendship is as much as I’ve endured. I know what’s good for me and this wasn’t. That said, the voices in my head told me to be a good friend, ignore it, be a good friend. When my head and heart felt like they were going to explode, I finally told that little voice to “shut the fuck up” and I made a quick, but painful, exit.

    It took a little time to find myself again and to love the things in life that I’d loved before they soiled them.

    It’s amazing all the impulses these sort of situations trigger. You feel and do things you didn’t know you could (both rational and highly irrational.)

  40. omggmab says:

    Finally ended when I grew up enough to realize I’d rather consider killing him than living my life with a lying cheating SOB. Ended 30 years ago with ring out car window onto Dan Ryan. Never looked back, but was still relieved years later when I learned he had died. Doubly relieved when I learned he had never changed and had remained a loser. I saved myself!

  41. XuXu says:

    Nikki!
    That shit is awesome.

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