Only a seasoned brand-whore would think of spending $1,375 for these awful jeans by Brunello Cucinelli. Your friends would have to be able to recognize the designer, who
operates from a restored 14th century castle in Solomeo, Italy (in fact, he restored the entire village). The line has expanded beyond the initial coveted cashmere to include designs for men and women
to justify the expense. Otherwise, people would just assume you were a homeless person wearing a factory reject from Sears. For $1,375, you get the following:
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- Drawstring waistband.
- Patch pockets with monili trim.
- Back button pockets.
- Relaxed fit.
- Tapered, wide legs.
- Pull-on style.
- Cotton.
- Made in Italy.
I don’t know what monili trim is, and I don’t care. I do know that for normal humans under 75, an elastic waist on jeans is the kiss of death.
A newer, more fashion-forward brand is Sacai, who really brings it with these distressed high rise boyfriend jeans.
These were $855 but now reduced to just $256.50. So much bang for your buck, I hardly know where to begin.
Part of the brand’s Spring ’18 collection, these boyfriend jeans are cut from substantial denim. They’re thoroughly deconstructed: from the asymmetric paneling to the mint-lined rips, to the gathered puffs of fabric that peek out from under the cuffs.
What does “mint-lined rips” mean? I see there’s something swashbuckling or piratey going on here, and that’s not a plus. Here’s how it looks on a model:
So much attention to extraneous detail! Do these jeans say, “Hey, I’ve got money!” or “Please forgive me?”
This next pair makes me sad. First, because DUH, and second, because Escada has been over for years and years but won’t let go. It’s time, Escada. Pull the plug.
God. “Live Laugh Love.” On your jeans. I want to cry.
In case you bought these but you worried that people might overlook your statement, you could spring for the coordinating t shirt.
Live, laugh, eat, pray, be your best self. Just don’t broadcast it, for fucksake.
Yay! Hideous denim!!
The 1st pair really do look like something from a pensioner catalogue. “Monili trim” seems to be a Bruno invention, Sis (yes, I Googled it.) I wonder if it’s a new term for metallic drawstring laces.
The 2nd pair…well, those dirty sneakers really brought them down to earth with a bump. They need some mint coloured patent platforms and a lace ankle sock, lace fingerless gloves and a lingerie basque (in peach.) To finish the look, the hair of Bonnie Tyler, circa ’85.
The 3rd pair scream downloadable “bad Etsy art” for you bland, beige home. I picture them on someone too botoxed to live, love or laugh. You are so right – Escada, this is your stop, please get off.
I wouldnt wear any of them, even if they were free! The last pair look like some crafty shit someone did on their dining table.
Jsut say no.
Suspended – I am in awe of your styling talent – the peach basque killed me. I need to search for that outfit you designed for my visit to Lourdes! I’ve said it before but I must repeat it: You make it all worthwhile. xoxo
Kellie – Same here. We still have our dignity, if nothing else.
I personally seek out pants styles as the first pair in the pajama section of Target. Next time I go I feel sure I’ll see a pink sweatshirt with puff paint marked down to 17.99 with the “LLL” saying.
I think I saw the first pair in the Vermont Country Store catalog.
Always here to help, Sis. xoxo
It only takes one Italian to restore a village.