An Exciting Contest to Distract us From The Apocalypse!

Happy now? Me neither!

Here you can see the stupid leggings that I was the last to know about. I think they are less horrible than reputed to be, but they are not comfortable and there is no point to them. Where would I wear them, and why? It’s like wearing an elastic girdle from waist to ankle.

If I were a black prostitute with a bubble butt, maybe.

These stupid Black Rats retail for $175. You can win them for the price of shipping and handling, simply by explaining to me why I bought them, in 500 words. Or, by making me laugh out loud. I will post the winning entry and then I’ll have one less reminder of my tragic shopping addiction.

If only I hadn’t bought these Rats, I might allow my self to buy this amazing cashmere sweater from Henri Bendel. It was designed by a student-teacher team from SCAD, and comes in two different floral patterns.

Admit it’s beautiful!

Finally, back to PAP Smear business: Did you see the Church Lady’s blank face when asked about the Bush Doctrine? Of course I didn’t know what it meant either but I’M NOT RUNNING FOR VICE PRESIDENT! He should have asked her about birth control or why she drops her g’s when she talks to Alaskans.

Please, please, take her away.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

40 Responses to An Exciting Contest to Distract us From The Apocalypse!

  1. Aja says:

    I’m black, not a prostitute but I do have a little buh-dunk-a-dunk (we prefer that phrase as to “bubble butt”). But no, those things look painful, but so I won’t be entering you’re contest. Keep those medieval torture devices to yourself, (the incredible tights pants. .. so tight you have to pee but you can’t get out of them). I just came by to drop off this little Sarah Palin video. It made me laugh:

    http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/6bda020b0f

  2. hammie says:

    An elastic girdle from waist to ankle? You say that like it’s a bad thing :~
    xx

  3. Aja says:

    “your”, godammit!

  4. Skye says:

    i knew you’d look hot in those things, even though I maintain they are infernal contraptions. I hope someone wants them enough to write you 500 hilarious words, otherwise I feel ebay could be calling their name (and then you could still have your lovely flowery cashmere).

  5. Sister Wolf says:

    Aja – hahaha, great video! Please excuse my ignorance re butt talk…I had just seen a model on a website who was wearing the Rats and I was describing her look. xo

    Hammie -it’s very bad. I want everything to feel like pj’s.

    Skye -I am too emotional for eBay, just ask my husband!

  6. Charponnaise says:

    I’m still resisting leggings. I just can’t convince myself they’re a good idea.

    Actually you carry them off much better than most!

  7. Juri says:

    OMG, how did Gibson manage to control himself and not shout “SHUT UP ALREADY! YOU’RE A FUCKING IDIOT AND YOU FAILED IN THIS INTERVIEW” to the Church Lady’s face??? My theory is that every time the camera angle changed from full body to showing only their heads she played footsie with him. I wish some news channel would consult a body language expert on this interview. Just look at their feet during the interview, especially Gibson’s.

    I’m also pretty sure she didn’t wear panties and did a few Sharon Stone flashes whenever cameras focused on their heads.

    Her Bush doctrine “answer” was priceless but I also loved how she rambled about energy pipelines when Gibson asked her about her foreign policy credentials and competence. And how “you can actually see Russia from Alaska” hahahaha.

    If this is how well she performs in an interview (shot over three days) for which she has been prepped for a week, I’d love to see her take a stand and make a spontanious statement over some sudden crisis. I hope they’ll teach her to smirk and twitch her neck like Bush does when he tries to fumble through his notes. When she learns that se will be a lot more competent than she is today.

    How can anyone say they can relate to her?

  8. David Duff says:

    “You can win them for the price of shipping and handling, simply by explaining to me why I bought them”

    ‘Vanity thy name is woman!’

    Slight paraphrase, I know, but I win and I hereby claim my prize. (Er, on consideration, what’s the second prize?)

  9. WendyB says:

    You’re crazy. They look sex-ay on you.

  10. Sal says:

    I AM happy now. Especially because you seem to be doing your Christ on the cross imitation in that photo. Such is the depth of your suffering.

    I would look like a garbage bag full of live weasels wearing those leggings, so I’ll pass on the contest, but look forward to hearing the results!

  11. annemarie says:

    i never win anything but fuck it! i’ll submit my entry later on. i have a job to go to.

  12. annemarie says:

    …..but i think they look great on you. there’s still time to change your mind!

  13. honeypants says:

    The photo is fabulous! The sweater is beautiful! The Rats look totally sexy! In fact, I bet they’d look great with that white shirt you didn’t know how to wear. But I do understand about wanting to maintain a certain comfort level. Dammit, I am so out of it, I didn’t even realize SP was on! There’s got to be somewhere online I can watch the whole thing, right? Help! I’m sorry!

  14. honeypants says:

    Thanks annemarie!

  15. OMGGMAB says:

    PALEEEEZ someone confirm that Palin just laid a big Alaskin wink on ole Charlie! Go here and see for yourself.
    http://www.236.com/feed/2008/09/11/sarah_palin_interview_8895.php

    And one more time, Sarah, just exactly what is the Bush Directive?

  16. Can I have your legs to go with the leggings?

  17. Ann says:

    First things first. Your photos on the commode are pure magic.

    I thought for a fleeting moment I might enter your contest, until I remembered I have no business wearing ruched anything. I have a green ruched dress by BCBG that I bought 3 seasons ago for some ridiculous reason. It hangs listlessly in my closet and mocks me on a daily basis. I am acutely interested in seeing the winning essay though, and would ask that the winner please indulge us with a picture of her (or him)self wearing the Rats.

    Spotted on a t-shirt today: A picture of Palin and the text “Yet another BUSH we can’t trust!”

  18. lindsey says:

    I’ll put my name in for the Rats, simply because I have never worn skinny pants or leggings.

    Mostly because my mother would always tell me that skinny pants made girls look like they took the slow train from Philly – which was code for ‘check out the prostitute’. Which seems apt, given your post.

    (also, that quote about the slow train from Philly was from The Office, so I am not even remotely original – but it’s true that I have never worn leggings, except for that one time, but that was because I had rent to pay.)

  19. enc says:

    That sweater is exceptional.

    Clearly you bought those Rats when your head was in a spin after hearing something Nurse Ratchet said.

  20. annemarie says:

    I hereby submit my entry for the contest.
    It takes the form of a Socratic Dialogue.
    Approaching the cash register, a conversation between an evil twin and a good angel takes place. The good angel tries to persuade its evil twin not to buy the rats, but ultimately fails:

    Charlie Angel: Do you really and truly think you will wear these rats?

    Evil Bitch: I do.

    CA: You don’t think to yourself, “I’m not thin enough,” “I don’t have the kind of social life that remotely justifies this purchase,” “fundamentally, I don’t like them anyway”?

    EB: I don’t hesitate, no.

    CA: Doesn’t that take some hubris?

    EB: I have confidence Charlie. You can’t blink. You have to be wired in a way to be committed to the mission. To be thin enough, to be hellbent enough. And that is what I mean. So I don’t blink even.

    CA: But clothes are more than the person you want to be–they must also fit the person that you are now.

    EB: I don’t want you to lose sight of the fact that who you want to be is the foundation, Charlie, of who you are. That is what I am saying. It’s that important. It’s that significant.

    CA: What about all the other crap you bought and didn’t wear?

    EB: Sometimes you have to try things out before it’s a mistake, there will be blunders along the way and ah! That’s the beauty of democracy, of this great country.

    CA: But aren’t you simply a victim of marketing?

    EB: I like buying new things. Now, Charlie, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is the alienable right, the god-given right of the grand plan, which is a plan for good.
    And that what I just said there is a repeat of Abraham Lincoln, a man who served this great country many years ago.
    And yes Charlie I believe that rats are part of that plan.

    CA: A lot of celebrities have been photographed wearing rats. They’ve been called a fashion MUST HAVE. You don’t believe you’ve been manipulated into thinking that you too MUST HAVE a pair of rats?

    EB: Well, let me tell you something Charlie. And that is that celebrities are our neighbors. I can see them when I’m at the top of the check-out queue. They are our friends. They are our neighbors.

    CA: So you simply will buy what your friends buy?

    EB: I won’t blink. Because there are certain things in life Charlie and those things are hellbent on making me feel bad. And buying new things make me feel good and yes Charlie, if that means that yes, it’s important to realize that, which is what I just said there.

    CA: But where does it end? Must you buy and buy and buy? Will you never be satisfied with what you have?

    EB: Now Charlie, I will do whatever it takes. All the options must be on the table. There are certain things that are hellbent on destroying things. That’s what I am talking about. And that is why I must defend my inalienable right and do whatever it takes to feel good.

    CA: So even if you realize, down the road, that buying the rats is a bad idea, you may actually do it again? Buy something else you don’t need?

    EB: I won’t blink.

  21. sister wolf 🙂

    they actually look really FEEEARCE on you.

    especially with those shoes.

    although i imagine they would be very very uncomfortable. and there may have been a lot of talcum powder involved in both alighting the beast and the dismount.

  22. markw says:

    hey wait… i wanna be secretary of defense.
    so i nominate myself. and jamie seconds the nomination.

  23. serpentine says:

    Um, when you got them and realized you didn’t like them, why didn’t you just take / send them back? Was there a period just a day longer than the deadline for return when you were temporaily delusional? I get that sometimes.

  24. craig says:

    hahahaha!

  25. Sister Wolf says:

    Charonponnaise – Clearly you are nobody’s fool.

    Juri -I NOTICED THEIR FEET!! Much too close. I didn’t know about the flashing though.

    David – I hope this wasn’t your attempt to make me laugh.

    WendyB- Actually, you did make me laugh, but silently.

    Sal -YES, I am Christ Himself in the photo, you noticed!

    Honeypants – I love you! I’m sorry!

    OMGGMAB – She is a fucking moron. Let’s just say it!

    Make do – That is sweet of you, but you wouldn’t want them, they never exercise or do much of anything.

    Ann – Wear that fucking green dress! Or pose with it on a commode!

    Lyndsey – Every girl makes a little ‘mistake’ if she doesn’t have rent money.

    enc – I want the sweater. Is god telling me to buy it?

    Annemarie – I don’t know if it’s fair for you to enter a writing contest. You are simply too masterful. But tell me what size you wear.

    Miss Wombat – I’ve missed you!

    Markw -Done. But who is jamie?

    Serpintine – I got them from a store in Australia. I couldn’t bear the task of sending them back. I have a laziness issue, along with the shopping problem.

  26. Ben says:

    that is fuckin funny! give them to annemarie!

  27. annemarie says:

    no! not fair! it is 3:20 am and i am awake! i actually got up to see if i won the goddam leggings!
    small.

  28. Sister Wolf says:

    Oh annemarie, you get to have them if you need them! I wanted your size so I could find you something that was actually good!

  29. annemarie says:

    I NEED THEM! oh please oh PLEASE! SISTER WOLF! CLEMENCY!

  30. annemarie says:

    i will model them with pap smear t-shirt plus buttons in my hair, which are already in the mail!

  31. Honeypants says:

    annemarie! You are so brilliant I can’t even stand it! I can’t wait to see the photo!

  32. Damn, late to the party again. STUPID fashion week, why do I even go when it costs me THE BLACK RATS!! I also just discovered I left my laundry in the dryer of the laudromat down the street LAST Sunday. Frantic, we ran down just now, after my man asked where all his underwear was? And it was still in the dryer!!! In Brooklyn, yo! So fashion really does rot the brain and makes you forget your unmentionables at the laundromat for a week. And makes you buy something called “Black Rats.”
    Also, don’t forget the brilliant styling of Sass and Bide, who showed the black rats with those cute long, furry cardigan things. Which you should totally buy.

  33. Sister Wolf says:

    fashionherald – shit, if only I had a bushel of Black Rats! I wish I had more.

  34. Raven says:

    Nevermind the leggings. What shoes are you wearing?

  35. N says:

    I wanted to enter the contest. Is it still open?

  36. PatrickH says:

    . You can win them for the price of shipping and handling

    I would only want them if you came with the prize. If annemarie has won them, well, I’ll take her and you both, together with those pants-things.

    Oho, I know! You can takes turns modeling them in front of me and then have really hot s*x while I watch!

    I’m not greedy. I expect to receive a shipment of you dear Sister, the luscious and entirely lunatic annemarie, and those, uh, whatevers in the expressest of posts ASAP.

  37. Juri says:

    Sister Wolf – The flashing took place all right. And the rumour around the abc’s water cooler has it that Charlie Gibson is still in a shock, after having seen something under her skirt that shouldn’t be there. On a woman, that is.

  38. Imelda Matt says:

    FUCK! Damn annemarie, I hope you rot in hell or at least get butt fucked by a strap-on wielding Princess Diana! I can’t compete with that…I was going to promise to accessorize ’em with a cod piece and post SW the pictures. Brains will always trump beauty!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *