Announcing My Reality Show, ‘I Am Cunt’

I Am Cunt tv show

I decided to skip the new Caitlyn Jenner show because (1) I am just sick of her/him, and (2) I was busy watching my other Sunday shit as discussed only last week.

But upon reflection, I feel I should have my own Reality Show and of course, you should too!

Mine will be about My Journey. There will be laughter, tears, and whining, and then more tears. There will be a lot of yelling and cursing.

My family members will make appearances, nagging and berating me. My sister will bring her list of things she resents me for, like she did the last time we went out for coffee.

My gender will remain pretty stable throughout, but my mental state will be all over the fucking map.

Like I imagine Caitlyn did, I will invite you into my closet. I will grab a bunch of stuff and throw it across the room, announcing, “No more Bruce!” Or I can just moan, “Why did I spend money on this stupid shit?” as my husband wrings his hands in the background.

We will review the history of my hair, and we’ll wonder how long before I die of cancer from those ‘keratin’ treatments.

Fine, it sounds a little boring but in fact it will be mesmerizing, like Apocalypse Now crossed with Grey Gardens, only not. Maybe I can get a synopsis of every Caitlyn episode and just follow her/his lead. We can certainly talk about my tits and make-up and how fearlessly I insist on being Me.

I fucking love this. And it’s not just about me. It’s about everyone struggling with existence as an angry, self-involved shopping addict with mood swings who wants attention but doesn’t have a voice. Cunt or not.

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13 Responses to Announcing My Reality Show, ‘I Am Cunt’

  1. Andrea says:

    Bring it on!

  2. Dj says:

    Excellent idea sister! Be sure to mumble, smoke a lot, sit in a psycho ward bar with a downer singer and no lights, drink, squint, smoke some more, beat up some Mexicans, drink and call everyone a cunt under your breath. Oh, wait a minute, that’s true detective!

  3. David Duff says:

    Can’t wait! I’ll pre-order the box-set NOW!

  4. Andra says:

    Well, fancy that. Looks as if there will finally be something worth watching on TV. But don’t have it on too late though, I’m old and I go to sleep early.

  5. Kellie says:

    This sounds amazing! I woulf totally watch you!
    Maybe you could make it a shoppable thing, like QVC-people could buy the things you dont want anymore by calling in and charging them!
    Also, mention how you do your pretty nails yourself
    And how fortunate you are on your journey to have all new clothes and shoes
    And how pretty your hair is
    And how fun it is to just be one of the girls.
    I think I hate Bruce/Cait/whoever now.

  6. Romeo says:

    “My sister will bring her list of things she resents me for, like she did the last time we went out for coffee.”

    So was the list handwritten or typed on a typewriter or printed out? If it was printed out which font did she choose? Who paid for the coffee? Did she pay for it and then did she add another item to the list?

  7. betty says:

    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you……..

  8. k8 says:

    i love your posts. when did we all become such pussies and so effing sensitive. I can’t even look at news, read about it or follow anything as my head hurts and my heart aches. (for something that feels less bizarre?) we all want and need to be seen and heard and have our own tv show, for godssake. and we all should, right? jeezus, I’m exhausted by us.

  9. what says:

    I think ur a transphobic asshole tbh.

  10. David Duff says:

    ‘What Says’ doesn’t say what “transphobic” means. And are you absolutely certain you are not inadvertently looking at your own arsehole?

  11. Madam restora says:

    Is transphobic a word now?

  12. Erika says:

    Not liking Caitlyn Jenner does not equal trans bashing or phobia. She is not above ridicule or reproach.

  13. Sandra says:

    it’s fine to not like Caitlyn Jenner, but come on, it’s kinda gross to say “her/him”. She want to be a she/her, so call her that.

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