I just learned a new word that describes my condition: avolition.
People with avolition often want to complete certain tasks but lack the ability to initiate behaviours necessary to complete them. Avolition is most commonly seen as a symptom of some other disorder, but might be considered a primary clinical disturbance of itself (or as a coexisting second disorder) related to disorders of diminished motivation.
It’s not the same as laziness, which is assumed to be a choice. It’s not the same as apathy, which is:
a lack of feeling, emotion, interest, or concern about something. It is a state of indifference, or the suppression of emotions such as concern, excitement, motivation, or passion. An apathetic individual has an absence of interest in or concern about emotional, social, spiritual, philosophical, or physical life and the world.
I have a surfeit of concern, interest and emotion, currently; I just can’t do anything. Is this Covid related? Is it the result of being stuck at home for a billion days in a row? Of having only one other person in my environment? Of not having to hustle for money? Hours on the couch, watching TV? The lack of concrete things to look forward to, given the uncertainty of the “new normal?”
The term “new normal” still arouses my ire, so that’s good, right? Also the word “Zoom.” Also the shortening of the already annoying “folks” to “folk.” Folk have grown tired of systemic racism, sure, but so have PEOPLE!
Back to avolition, here are some of the things I can’t do: deal with bills, get dressed, water the lawn, cook, put my shoes away, make the bed, make phone-calls, clean the house, drive, or write. It’s not so much Why Bother as much as it is I just Can’t.
I did force myself to sit at the computer to write this! It might be an aberration or the Something of my condition. What is the word I should use here instead of Something? I genuinely can’t think of it. I could use “abatement” but that’s not a word in my normal lexicon.
Something something something something! Something something.
I started keeping a list of words I was unable to retrieve for either hours or days.
orchid
aurora
Robert Duval
But then I stopped keeping the list, because avolition. I will try to start again. If I get enough to make a haiku, it will be a worthwhile project.
Do projects have to be worthwhile? I hope not. What are you guys up to? Are you putting your shoes away? Any new words? Advice or [something]?
images (c) Wellcome Library
I just cannot get it together to comment…
There are only say four or so pairs of shoes needed anymore so what is the point of putting them away?
Sure in the plain vernacular ‘folks’ got interlingoed to just ‘folk’ (lol) but I guess it coulda been worse. Imagine ‘fok’?
But meanwhile and “heeding the signs” certain segments of folks was looking ahead to heading that off at the pass thus ‘Folkscanomy’ which, I’m figuring could possibly be a promising therapeutic for avolition:
https://archive.org/details/folkscanomy
Look don’t blame me Sister Wolf you’ve long well known of my proclivity to being around archives and if you don’t remember ask Duff.
I can NEVER recall Robert Duval.
Oh, that’s a decent little mnemonic device. Thanks!
“I just can’t”
I thought it was only me!
Thanks so much.
xo
Writing this comment from bed. It’s the afternoon. I am still in my nightdress and dressing down. I can hear my indomitable girlfriend in the next room on phone calls, working. Over the weekend on her days off she also built a 6 metre cement pathway from the top of our garden stairs to our painting studio as it was getting really muddy and slippery. She is a saint. What have I done? Slept. Watched youtube tarot readings. Fed my newly acquired obsession with the war between Meghan Markle and the Royal Family. The only worthwhile activities I can bring myself to do are feed the animals, basic vacuum, clean the loo, wash the dishes, make my gf caramel slice to assuage my guilt – all this spread over a week mind you. My business has become non-existent. Melbourne Australia (my home) has been hit with the second wave and is about to go into an even more strict lockdown. Anyway… keep going…
It’s being spelt as “folx” now –
https://www.dictionary.com/e/gender-sexuality/folx/
Sister, I love the new word! It’s real. Now, all the covid related mental illnesses are real too! Too much Tv, Too much enraging news, no friends, one person in the house that you basically care for but are Needing serious time off from, the news, the fucking folk and “young people” ( which I now call the jackasses, assholes and fuckers) The news, no plans for the future. I’m redoing a room using Facebook market stuff. At least I have fun looking for stuff, going to get it, etc. selling junk too. Money adds up! So there’s a fun hustle. Waiting for the ups,
amazon and fedex guys is also fun, even though I’m just getting stuff like Heinz 57 sauce and my favorite Kewpie sesame dressing. Yay! I hear a door slam! Leave the damn shoes, forget the bed. Too much trouble. You’re ok…
Just met a little girl at the playground today who was called “Aurora”.
We might go to playgrounds, they’re as good as petri bowls.
I’m tired of feeling tired. Time is passing so quickly and I worry that I don’t use my time in any way that could be considered worthwhile, like fun moments with my child.
I’ve taken time off of work and planned to do all the niggly things that have been neglected for so long. So far, I’ve tackled nothing but cups of tea. My house is a dump. I have pending guests; family I haven’t seen in a while. I can’t find the motivation to clean. One of my guests is a clean-a-holic. I might just suggest to her a working holiday.
Yesterday, I had curry for breakfast, curry for luch and curry for dinner, and all just because there was curry. It wasn’t even nice. I ate it in the same clothes I’d had on the day before.
I’m so very fed-up. I don’t know how to pull myself out of this. Exercise seemed like a good idea, so I put on a 5min youtube video. I can do 5mins and see if the notion bites, I thought. The guy did two star jumps, which I followed, and then he started doing squats. Only two star jumps? It turned out is was a 5min warm up video. I turned it off.
At least I did two star jumps. Right?!?
That can be part of my fucking epitaph. ‘He couldn’t be arsed but he did two star jumps.’
Miranda Mitsouka – oh you’re just trying to comfort me
Dana – Good point
Romeo – mnemonic device? is that the right word?
Stephanie – No, thank YOU
DJ- you sound way too busy!
S – EW!!!!!!
Emma – Jesus, you are very productive, you just don’t realize it
Mina – hahahahha!
Suspended – I hope you made your guests clean the house!
JK – wow, damn!
I second Romeo’s comment. Robert Duvall’s name is as a sylph.
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