Jessica Kagan Cushman is in trouble if Karl and Co. find out about this cuff bracelet, which says “Ripped off by by Chanel.”
When I was an eBay seller, I learned that Chanel protects its copyright so fiercely that eBay will ban you for attempting to sell a Chanel product. The attack is completely random: They will pounce on one seller while ignoring a million others. Twice, I listed pieces of genuine Chanel costume jewelry and each time the listing was removed with a warning and threat on behalf of Chanel. There was no avenue of appeal. This is why those guys who sell fake handbags on street corners NEVER have any Chanel. If you dare to mention the name, you will only induce suspicion and/or terror. Try it!
It’s hard to give up on Chanel, though. Even though Coco Chanel consorted with Nazis, I continued to swoon at the sight of the double C. I have a pink Chanel handbag that is so poorly made, I’ve had to restore it three times. I have vintage Chanel jewelry that wouldn’t be worth anything without those little C’s.
Over time, I have learned that any idiot with a credit card can wear Chanel. The brand has lost its magic for me, especially now that Karl will befriend nearly any starlet who crosses his path. Remember when his muse was Selma Blair?!
This month, in Bazaar, Karl is giving out fashion advice. His answers are uniformly insulting and absurd. “Please, your question is childish,” he replies testily. I would like to see him to go a little further next month with that imperious manner. Perhaps he could try “Oh god, why not shoot yourself, you peasant!” or “How dare you, stupid!”
Pretty soon, the only women carrying Chanel handbags will be wealthy Arabs and the Olsen Twins. I think it’s over for Chanel, now that Lanvin and even Balmain are winning over all the It Girls. Who even wants to wear Chanel sunglasses at this point? I can’t believe how heartbroken I was the time I lost my Chanel sunglasses! I went out and replaced them immediately, only to find that I’d left the original pair in the fridge at work.
So long Chanel. It’s been real, and it’s been expensive.