Chanel vs Me And You

Jessica Kagan Cushman is in trouble if Karl and Co. find out about this cuff bracelet, which says “Ripped off by by Chanel.”

When I was an eBay seller, I learned that Chanel protects its copyright so fiercely that eBay will ban you for attempting to sell a Chanel product. The attack is completely random: They will pounce on one seller while ignoring a million others. Twice, I listed pieces of genuine Chanel costume jewelry and each time the listing was removed with a warning and threat on behalf of Chanel. There was no avenue of appeal.   This is why those guys who sell fake handbags on street corners NEVER have any Chanel. If you dare to mention the name, you will only induce suspicion and/or terror. Try it!

It’s hard to give up on Chanel, though. Even though Coco Chanel consorted with Nazis, I continued to swoon at the sight of the double C. I have a pink Chanel handbag that is so poorly made, I’ve had to restore it three times. I have vintage Chanel jewelry that wouldn’t be worth anything without those little C’s.

Over time, I have learned that any idiot with a credit card can wear Chanel. The brand has lost its magic for me, especially now that Karl will befriend nearly any starlet who crosses his path. Remember when his muse was Selma Blair?!

This month, in Bazaar, Karl is giving out fashion advice. His answers are uniformly insulting and absurd.   “Please, your question is childish,” he replies testily. I would like to see him to go a little further next month with that imperious manner. Perhaps he could try “Oh god, why not shoot yourself, you peasant!” or “How dare you, stupid!”

Pretty soon, the only women carrying Chanel handbags will be wealthy Arabs and the Olsen Twins.   I think it’s over for Chanel, now that Lanvin and even Balmain are winning over all the It Girls. Who even wants to wear Chanel sunglasses at this point? I can’t believe how heartbroken I was the time I lost my Chanel sunglasses! I went out and replaced them immediately, only to find that I’d left the original pair in the fridge at work.

So long Chanel. It’s been real, and it’s been expensive.

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15 Responses to Chanel vs Me And You

  1. Rollergirl says:

    “Left the original in the fridge at work”???! Explain please…

    Interesting post SW. Explains why one of my Chanel listings got kicked off Ebay without a by your leave too. And why I could never find a Chanel bag in Canal St (not that I condone buying fakes of course).

  2. I’ve had the same problem selling (genuine) Chanel stuff on eBay. My listings have been questioned or removed half a dozen times while sellers who have obvious fakes, like 20 of the same Chanel logo tee shirt get left alone. It’s baffling, the workings of eBay.
    I thought Karl’s advice to make your body fit the clothes, rather than the other way around, was hilarious.

  3. annemarie says:

    Ah, you are so right. You are always right. For anyone who is interested in Karl Lagerfeld or craziness in general, I cannot recommend this New Yorker profile highly enough:

    It is a hoot! Read!

  4. WendyB says:

    Her bracelet is hilarious. But really, she’s been ripped off by everyone, and the ones who’ve eaten her lunch are probably the Asian factories, making lookalikes for pennies. I wish I were Karl Lagerfeld, giving out those answers to people who bother me. I need to be meaner.

  5. Sal says:

    I say good riddance. But then, I just never understood logo-based lust. Seriously. I bought a Coach bag once and took of the damn hang tag because I was so embarrassed by it. I’m a mutant, I know.

    The Fug Girls love to give Karl the business, and do a great job of mimicing his condescending, innane patter. This one’s my fave:

    Husband Mike and I are always commanding each other, “Only floss with real unicorn hair.”

  6. Jools says:

    Shiite. Busted again. And you are so right! Lost my Chanel sunglasses (actually put them down for a second, at a department store that shall remain unnamed, and they “disappeared”). Immediately replaced them. Less flashy, but still Chanel. Why? Why? Coco was a creep and so is that ridiculous little man.

  7. SB says:

    Nobody told the people at the county fair. I went to a concert of Los Tigres del Norte and about 60 percent of the audience had knockoff chanel sunglasses, thanks to the 2 for $10 booth outside the gates. It was hilarious.

  8. hammiesays says:

    ahhh, so that’s why there are only size 11 flats on ebay and no mary-janes!!!

    why have an obvious logo if you don’t want people to aspire to owning it and then of course, rip it off?

    I would sooner lie down in wet cement than wear or carry anything with Louis Vuitton written all over it, and I once worked for LVMH!


  9. Bex says:

    The only Chanel product I had was Chanel No. 5 and only cos it reminded me of my mum. Karl Lagerfeld is hilarious.

  10. Danielle says:

    Hmm…I had no idea fake Chanel was hard to find. Considering that I may or may not have a pretty authentic-looking knockoff that was acquired quite easily. I lost the sunglasses. 🙁 Yikes!

  11. Bex says:

    Speaking of KL, his bodyguard is a hot piece of ass!!!!!

  12. Sister Wolf says:

    Rollergirl – I can’t explain why I left my sunglasses in the fridge. I never even used the fridge! It may have marked the beginning of my rapid but ongoing mental decline.

    Iheartfashion -eBay is just nuts. Some of the fake shit on eBay is so blatantly fake, you can only laugh at it.

    Annemarie – Don’t you think the craziness is just an affectation?

    WendyB -YES, be meaner!

    Sal – Husband Mike is a gem.

    Jools – Try Oliver Peoples. High quality sunglasses with no logo!

    SB – Yep, same thing at the Venice boardwalk. I guess Chanel doesn’t see REALLY cheap counterfeits as a threat?

    Hammie – Me too, LV bags are just embarrassing.

    Bex – My mom wore Youth Dew by Estee Lauder.

    Danielle – Did you look in the fridge??

  13. OMGGMAB says:

    E-bay sucks and that pissant paypal too. Hate them both and try to never use their services since they totally ripped off my sister. Thousands of merchandise never materialized and they did nothing for her. F-ers! So I say f them and their little toy Chanel too. I own nothing Chanel and now never will.

    By the way, they really don’t have the right to kick you off unless they allege and later prove that you are selling knock offs. Last I looked, it’s still ok to re-sell your own personal belongings. Do they scope out Goodwill and the Salvation Army too?

    Try Craig’s list.

  14. Aja says:

    Rollergirl and Sister Wolf, I was pushing people out of my way on Canal Street just yesterday and I saw a shitload of hideous fake Chanel bags! All sorts of ugly logo splattered ones.

  15. great oliver peoples advice, whenever i’m lusting over sunglasses they’re usually peoples. and Karl said something insulting to Beth Ditto about her weight at his show, so why did he invite her? ass. but i am torn about chanel, generally i want to hate it but how? and i still rue the loss of a pair of chanel sunglasses, logo free, that were the most unusual ever, and have never seen the like since. they just disappeared in the forest of Port Townsend, which must be full of evil spirits.

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