Sting Ruins Everything

Sting has always been on my Top Five hit-list, and he’s earned it the old fashioned way, by being a cunt. I’ve just read a quote of his that ranks above all his other crimes: “I think cancer – I’m not an expert or a doctor – but I think cancer is the result of undigested dreams and forcing yourself to do something that is not distinctively you.”

Is Sting insane?! Â  It’s not enough that he has tantric sex and sings in that horrible voice?! Â  Elvis Costello was polite enough to call Sting’s performance at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame “appalling” when he could have said much worse.

Sting has wounded me personally by taking a name I have long cherished and giving it to his daughter. Fuchsia is a character in the unforgettable Gormenghast Trilogy by Mervyn Peake. How dare Sting name his daughter Fuchsia, and thereby taint it with Stingness?!

Fuchsia is one of my favorite colors, along with chartreuse. Both words are as luxurious on the tongue as the hues they signify. Chartreuse is a favorite of mine because it’s shocking and kind of aggressive, as well as beautiful. Chartreuse says: “I’m glaringly bright, and too bad for you!” I came to chartreuse late in life but I’ve tried to compensate by wearing it as often as possible.

Look at these shoes.

Let’s not worry about whether I can walk in them, because obviously I can’t. But I need them. They’re only $255! Why have I squandered all my money on Sal the Plumber (who had to tear up my backyard) when I needed these chartreuse shoes?

I blame Sting for this. Sting is what stands between me and perfect happiness. He is not only a cunt but, as Annemarie puts it so eloquently, Cunt Central .

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21 Responses to Sting Ruins Everything

  1. Bex says:

    Dude, I’d have cancer up the wazoo by now if THAT’S the cause.

    Those shoes are fucking ace! I can’t walk in them, either 🙂

  2. Sal says:

    Husband Mike has told me many, MANY times that the drummer from The Police would position his cymbals so that he wouldn’t have to see Sting at all during gigs.

    Have I said this already? Brain rot, you know …

  3. Ann says:

    Sting is so foul. Just truly offensive. The only good thing I can say about him is that he was smart enough to let Stewart Copeland be in his stupid band. And bless Elvis Costello – like I needed a reason to love him more!

    Those shoes are HOT. $255 is quite a steal. Fuck Sting!

  4. K-Line says:

    I am afraid (and embarrassed to tell you) that when I was a pre-teen / teen I LOVED Sting (the Police version) so much I could not think of anything else. Seriously, I would have stalked him if I had understood the concept. Fortunately, I have come to see the error of my ways. But all you have to do is ask my parents and they’ll tell you what a lunatic I was. I still love Stewart Copeland though. And I won’t apologize for it.

  5. That nonsense about cancer makes me livid. My dad was in his prime, living his dream both family and career-wise, when he died of melanoma. I hate that bullshit philosophy from “The Secret” that says all your health problems are somehow your own fault!
    And Sting has a daughter with MY daughter’s name, Coco. As if I needed another reason to hate him!

  6. hammiesays says:

    where do people get off with this shit. Iheart, I am sorry for your loss, and I am glad your Dad realised his dreams. You must really miss him. Fuck Cancer anyway!

    Thats the problem I have with this “you were chosen because stuff” when people try to talk about special needs etc. Science chose us, Evolution chose us, it has nothing to do with smoking or shoplifting or ignoring the ugly and boring people in High school until they went off and self harmed in the toilets – then blamed the cool kids.

    Shit happens.

    K, I wanted to root Sting too, WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER. I also did all the above*


  7. OMGGMAB says:

    Had no idea that Sting was such a loon. Sounds like he’s been hangin’ with Tom Cruise. Lunatics!

    Cancer is an insidious fiend. It takes away the life of some of the best people on earth, yet leaves untouched those who deserve the squeeze of its evil tendrils. Take Hitler or Omar al-Beshir, the President of Sudan. It seems evil people never die of cancer unless they are in their 80’s. Only the good die young!

    The Police will never be the same to my ears again.

  8. Juri says:

    “The result of undigested dreams and forcing yourself to do something that is not distinctively you.”

    This reminded me of the old news about his visit to that Hamburg brothel. He’s probably a selfish quicky man at heart, but has to force himself to advertise that Tantra crap because it’s supposed to make him interesting and sell records. Just like that Brazilian chief he was showing around when saving rain forests was a fashionable thing to do. I betcha that eunuch’s voice he sings with is just as fake and forced as his Tantra enthusiasm.

    If his thery holds he can expect to find blood in his urine any day now.

  9. annemarie says:

    It is very fucking CRUEL for people who are rich, famous and have access to the best doctors, health care, therapies, and food money can buy to go around saying shit like this, effectively accusing those who have cancer of being un-evolved lower forms of life who just don’t “get it.”

    It’s not the stupidity of it that is so appalling to me. What is disturbing is the total lack of compassion for people who are not so fortunate, who do not have the time or money to sit around self-realizing.

    Fuck you Sting. You are indeed CUNT CENTRAL. And may you find your own karmic comeuppance in this life or the next.

  10. Sister Wolf says:

    Bex -Me too.

    Sal -No, this is All New. And I like it.

    Ann -I should get the shoes to get even with him, right?

    K-line – No apology necessary. I’m going to contact your parents though.

    Iheartfashion -God, why is he fucking with us!!!!!

    Hammie – Yes, but why do we have to have Sting?!

    OMGGMAB – I HATE people who blame diseases on the victims.

    Juri – You are a PHd in Sting Hating! I bow down to your expertise.

    Annemarie – Nothing Sting says or does is tolerable.

  11. Nephew Wolf says:

    Wait…so…what did Sal the Plumber end up having to do, exactly? It was something to do with the waste pipe, right?

  12. HelOnWheels says:

    SW, you owe it to yourself and the economy to buy those shoes!!!

  13. Aja says:

    (Gasp). Forgive me sister, for I have sinned. I love Sting. I had almost come to terms with admitting this in public (in my later years). . . until now. He just lost some points. Now I’m sad and going to bed 🙁

  14. Sister Wolf says:

    Nephew Wolf – It was some big pipe that ran from the garage through most of the back yard. Not the main line, though, so no sewage involved. $1,300.

    HelOnWHeels – Can you write me a prescription??? I still need them.

    Aja – Don’t be sad, my child. Listen to some early Pixies and you’re absolved of all sin. xo

  15. Daniel says:

    Sting ruined the police

  16. Mark says:

    Dear G*d, Help Sister Wolf get those shoes. Love, Mark

  17. Sal, I love that story! I will always and forever have stewart copeland highest on my rock star love pedestal. Just watch some of the old videos on youtube, you can see stewart and andy always annoyed with sting.

  18. talkingdoc says:

    you have insulted cunts everywhere.

  19. Steroids says:

    Delighted i notice this amazing site, will be sure to take a note of it so i can visit frequently.

  20. Eric Wolf says:

    You know, I find Stewart Copeland really annoying. I caught The Police on Elvis Costello’s Spectacle a couple of nights ago. Copeland just wouldn’t shut up and Sting looked kind of uncomfortable. I can imagine that after a few months or years, anyone would get pretty tired of listening to Stewart Copeland.

  21. Anonymous says:

    Is that why he chooses not to wear deodorant? He stinks to high heaven after a concert.

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