Sea has been so busy scouring the earth for new finery that I can barely keep up with her. Just briefly, she was lucky enough to find a long skirt with a leopard “climbing up it” as well as a weird yellow and black clown suit. She wore the clown suit with black lipstick in an obvious attempt to frighten me. However, after my run-in with the good folks of Dallas and the Aldridge Gang themselves, nothing seems scary anymore.
Sea reveled in her childlike art projects and showed us some icky caterpillars. She shared her make-up secrets and posted a ton of old family snapshots so that we might worship her more fully. Perhaps she will post her dental records and old school report cards!
Mom had a date while the girls were out of town, and it proved to be an effective diversion from all the tweeting. Mom’s sister took a well-earned break from sending me rude comments about my age, which continues to spiral upward toward infinity.
Sea doesn’t like to post comments and god knows, comments can be a little…..nutty. But since she wants us to admire and adore her, we must respond to those efforts out of the goodness of our hearts. I will begin:
Dear Sea, I think you look really cute in the hooker outfit and you might want to pursue this age-appropriate look more often. If you and your gang of rabid followers had a sense of humor, life would be so much better! Can’t you guys snag one on ebay or something? Oh well, keep up the shopping and posing. I’m sure you’re a really good person deep down where the camera can’t reach. Love, Sister Wolf.
I am only slightly ashamed to admit that I promptly went out and bought black lipstick when I saw Sea in hers – she does have the most amazing skin. And I did like her black lace outfit, just wish she’d left that puffa jacket at home. But that’s always been her issue – she completely ignores that sage piece of advice that before you leave the house, you always take off the last thing that you put on (is that Coco Chanel?). Unless it’s shoes, obviously.
I’ve always been terrified of clowns, evil creatures and the worse ever thing was when all my friends loved the pierrot clown posters and bloody pencil cases. Cry, I had nightmares! There is nothing to say about Sea after the bondage perspex shoes, she is losing her touch when it comes to out there.
sister wolf….i think sea is ok – the family pics worked for me. mostly we are all kinda ok, assuming we don’t do harm to living creatures and are kind. what the hell – who cares? maybe it’s time to turn your prescient eye to political matters and how the US is being totally screwed by…well, the usual suspects.
great harm is being played out before our eyes in the areas of finance and economics. truly – the rich get richer and the poor, poorer. give yourself a day trawling the the archives of naked capitalism, run by a totally fierce brilliant individual, and i assure you – your anger will know no limit.
sea and mom, they like to shop, they like to spend, they blog about it – no harm. and i think sea just may be more intriguing than even mom knows!
she was lucky enough to find a long skirt with a leopard “climbing up it”…TO PERFORM ORAL SEX =O
The hilarious thing is that she is wearing these outfits while we are in the middle of 100+ degree weather. I don’t think there’s been a single day this August that it hasn’t hit 100 and yesterday it was 107.
Dear Sea,
I’ve always wanted to spend quality time with a prostitute clown, but I am convinced you know nothing about the art of lovemaking (or any other art, for that matter). When your mum returns from her date, please tell her I’m interested and ask her what her going rate is.
Love,
Romeo
Dear Sea,
You in black lipstick is like Miley Cyrus in a golden peacock suit making sexy face: gag-inducing. If you’re not careful, the Fashion Police will find you and scold you for appropriating something even remotely hardcore into your entirely coreless existence. I know you think Miley will keep them busy for years to come, but eventually they’ll catch her, and then whose fashion/behavioral faux pas will be big enough for yours to hide behind?
Great. Now I have the Cops theme stuck in my head.
With that crazy yellow get up and the black lips, all I keep seeing is that scene from Legend (God, Tom Cruise was hot back then) when Lilil was dancing around in that crazy silver dress while Tim Curry chased after her all tricked out as the (strangely appealing to my 7 year old self) devil. Only Lili’s outfit was, ya know, way more badass and the scene as a whole WAY less frightening. *shudder*
I’m just not down the the open mouthed expression in the photos – doll like, but then again, I find human sized dolls to be creepy.
A+ for neat application of black lipstick.
I’m still laughing over the original owner of the yellow ski bunny outfit. “OK, if I wear this with my huge Farrah Fawcett hair, and big streaks of blush, drive my matching yellow Vette and hang around the right ski lodges, I’ll hook me a rich man. YEEEHA.”
i just feel like, if you want to dress like klaus nomi, it would probably work better if that dressing was an expression of some other talent, like it was for klaus nomi. it’s fun to have photoshoots and explore the fantasy that is fashion! but living in a unicorn snowglobe where nothing gets made or done other than picking up and throwing out expensive clothes is kind of weirding everyone out. so i’m glad you’re drawing, Sea. i think you should try sewing something once!
Ordinarily, Sea, I would love the leopard skirt. BUT. The way you wore it makes it look a little less like it’s crawling and a little more like it’s trying to get between your legs.
Which is creepy.
Dear Sea,
It appears a leopard is eating your vagina.
Signed,
Sir Alexander
This WHOLE post is just golden! It makes me smile how entertaining a bloody blog post can be! 🙂
i love visiting sea’s site because it’s fun in its own way, even though it’s wrong for so many reasons.
but jane, you should know that the kitty on your skirt looks like it’s eating, uh, your kitty. that’s all.
I think that what irks all of us about some of these fashion blogs, like seaofshoes, is the rampant and unadulterated narcissism that they portray. It’s all about, what can I buy next, don’t I look cool/hip/insider/beautiful, and wasn’t I the most gorgeous baby/young child, and don’t I have the most beautiful and photogenic family? as if those were the only things in life to look up to or aspire to. Don’t forget, she is A KID. All she knows is how she was brought up, and we see why she is the way she is. And in a teenager’s life it is understandable, because they haven’t lived all that long to see what really matters in life. But with hers, the mom is egging her on, and enables this behavior that, if I was that way, I wouldn’t let the world know that I was that superficial.
And that, in a nutshell, is why I think we keep reading her blog. We can’t believe that a person is that shallow. How awful that she left high school and, as far as we know, isn’t going to college. College would only add to her marketability. It’s the mom’s fault.
Did anyone else think it’s creepy that all her childhood photos look staged?
Also, I actually kind of like some of the stuff she wears. I just don’t like that she’s the person wearing it.
Dear Sea.
Actually, you DO look cute in the hooker-ish outfit, but like someone else said in these comments, it is Africa hot here in the South right now, so unless you are spending every second of your life indoors then that shit just ain’t gonna work until December or so. The yellow puffy jacket is weird, but your skin is gorgeous and I love me some black lipstick.
I still hate you, though. If you’re not gonna go to college, why not pay for someone else to do it? Come on, you probably wouldn’t even miss the money, or maybe you’d have to refrain from “curating” or “collecting” for a couple of weeks or so. Oh noes! In the meantime, you could wear some Chucks and volunteer somewhere…oh, nevermind, who am I kidding?
Ha, I love the fact that she started a facebook “fan page” for herself.
@bereft: if you were actually concerned about capitalism, you would understand that the flagrant displays of wealth constitute economic oppression.
@lezzies: economic oppression may be better defined. think about the long term effect when private debt is transferred to public debt (in the trillions) – as happened to ‘save’ those banks to big to fail. result, banks again making billions in profit, executives and traders earning obscene amounts of money, yep, nothing changed there. taxpayers, this generation and generations to come, burdened by levels of debt so huge it may threaten the long-term stability of the country. and of course then, my favorite bit, the solution is sought from the very instigators of this crisis, the financiers – their solution. well, this is the oppression bit: they exclaim in horror “the government has way to much debt” “not sustainable” the only solution according to these finance mavens – reduce government expenditure. reduce public medical services, reduce funding to public education at all levels, tighten welfare (god helps those who help themselves), reduce payments to states, reduce cost, reduce staffing, reduce, reduce, reduce. and then these fat cats retire to the weekender in the hamptons for some well-earned rest and after-all, got to give the new merc a bit of a run.
lezzies – this is economic oppression. and it is happening right now. to millions around the country. jobs are disappearing. house prices falling. government services in free-fall. tensions increasing, anxiety increasing – will ordinary people be able to provide for themselves and their families. and meanwhile, the rich consume fine champagne and discuss the next big trade. the concept of moral hazard (look it up) is nothing but a fairy tale.
there is a rather odd possibility from all of this – wages in the states may eventually match those of mexico and other second tier economies. and then the factory jobs might come back…
but anyway. much worse happened and is happening in the economy than a little frivolous expenditure by a mother and daughter. get angry about what really matters. and realize what economic oppression really is.
dear jane
i salute you in your hooker clothes!
you were really cute as a kid- if you escape mom NOW, you might yet avoid degrading into rotten prime grade sour puss meat.
read some keats and carpe diem.
bereft – I’m on lezzies’ side because I don’t enjoy lectures.
claudia – I read your comment 3 times, just to savor it.
Angelica – I NOTICED! And I realize that my kids never stared right into the camera like that. They either looked annoyed or made faces.
Romeo – Shit, I have a great comeback but it’s too mean.
Dear Sea:
Dear Sea. You wear a shitload of make up and that yellow-black outfit is ridiculous. I can see how your style has evolved, now you either dress a) Ridiculous and extravagant or b) Homeless 70 year old crazy cat lady. Or both.
Love,
Nati Hell
PS: Your sister is prettier than you.
Sister, So good to see your sense of humour is still intact.
Laughed a lot.
Thanks lots.
Andrea – wise words.
sister – did it sound like a lecture to you, really? well, it wasn’t meant to. it just amazes me that people get so upset and devote so much time to trivialities and prefer to remain ignorant about issues that really matter.
ah, but we all know that nero fiddled while rome burned!
nothing much has changed.
Jez I never even thought about the heat factor! Sometimes I try to be clever and put on layers when leaving my house only to walk outside and immediately feel like an asshole. An asshole for wearing sleeves when everyone else is peeling their clothes off.
sorry, back again. this documentary will be released october 2010 and when you have watched it sister, i guarantee you – you will be mad. no, not mad…seething.
http://www.firstshowing.net/2010/08/24/watch-official-trailer-for-financial-meltdown-doc-inside-job/
not a lecture – reality!
bereft – I am not fiddling, believe me. But I’m not a political journalist, either. If you have a blog where you write about politics, I salute you.
I am already mad enough for the moment. I write about fashion to distract myself. I am seething about everything. Much more than you seem to know. Maybe now you can go over to Sea’s blog to complain about her subject matter.
thanks!
Melissa – Oh my. I had no idea.
Dorie – YES! It is true! Though Mia Sara would never be seen in a yellow puffa. And yes, Tom was beautiful before he went all mental. God I love that film.
http://i0006.photobucket.com/albums/0006/seaofshoez/DSC_0721aaa.jpg
Hey Jane,
Zoolander called and he wants Blue Steel back.
I do love this blog, but I feel very uncomfortable about the level of vitriol for a teenage girl. I remember being a major dumb-ass at that age, and I think I’ve turned out OK. She’s still at that self-exploration stage, and all the condemnation she gets here is closing useful doors to a bigger more interesting life, not opening them.
Wow, Sea’s Mom at 25 = Tiffany “I think we’re alone now”
Hey Caroline, SW fines people for the use of that “v” word as it relates to Sea.
“all the condemnation she gets here is closing useful doors to a bigger more interesting life” – You can’t seriously think that?! She doesn’t give a shit what anybody thinks, least of all anybody posting on here. Also, have you heard of satire?
Is there a way to ban the use of the word “vitriol” here? Every time I see it, I want to punch my computer screen.
Jesus be a thesaurus.
Caroline, seriously – you think Sea or her mom give a shit about the condemnation they get here or anywhere? I think that the level of adulation they get is much more dangerous, especially for a dumb-ass teenage girl.
That yellow and black thing makes her look like she escaped from a Final Fantasy game!
Alicia – If only wordpress had a plug-in to deliver an electric shock….I have begged for a moratorium on “vitriol” but no, it keeps coming.
Maybe you should do a post that bans the V word. I agree- every time I read it on here it gives me the willies.
Dear Jane,
After seeing you as coco Chanel for Halloween and posing with a butterfly on your shoulder for your mother, I’m officially concluding that we have nothing in common. Maybe that’s why I’m so bored with you.
Dear Jane,
Time to shut it down and do something else.
Love,
Mark
you look like shit
bereft: i am equally concerned with the private/public economic debate as you are, but the problem is that you are not making connections between the wealthy (jane’s family) and their involvement in the corporate and venture capitalism.
so, her buying clothes is not the problem. the problem is that she is one of very few that can afford such luxuries, and not because of hard work, but because they have learned the art of fucking people over.
Sea
Those are some seriously cute childhood pics, and your mother was gorgeous. But your look now is shit. Enough said.
And I thought it was just me.
Where do they get all the money they spend on that crap?
From my twitter:
If I spent the amount of time studyin @sea_of_shoes spends editing pics and consuming material possessions Id be a legal genius #ridiculous
Shit, I actually want that yellow jacket.
twistedlamb- Mary, go to your room!