Sex Tapes Poll

Last night, my husband expressed his disappreciation of the acting on True Blood. I agree that the acting is terrible. But I suggested to him that it might be worthwhile to see Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer having sex, given their hotness.

My husband claimed to have no interest at all in a sex tape with Bill and Sookie. Upon reflection, I wondered if I wanted to see any celebrities having sex. If you’ve seen the Pam and Tommy opus, you know exactly what I mean, right? It’s just tragic and disgusting.

Are there any celebrities whose sex tapes would appeal to you? Angie and Brad, maybe? Or is it all just awful?

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34 Responses to Sex Tapes Poll

  1. Aja says:

    I watched this recently with a friend and her male roomies. None of them were shy to admit they watch it purely for the sex. So we watched and as the scenes played out, people became visibly more and more uncomfortable (there was a pretty even male/female ratio). Finally someone shouted “who wants ice cream?” and we all sighed a breath of a relief that someone broke up the tenseness in the room.

  2. A says:

    Forget Bill and Suhkie, I would watch Alexander Skarsgård screw anything with a heartbeat.

  3. Hallie says:

    True Blood is a guilty pleasure .. I don’t follow it religiously but I don’t mind watching a whole bunch of them at once On Demand if I’m bored. The blonde guy is also pretty hot, even though Moyer doesn’t do it for me. I’ve always liked Anna Paquin but I keep thinking of her as the little girl in The Piano so seeing her have sex might be weird. Nobody comes to mind right now in terms of an appealing celebrity sex tape; I couldn’t even get through the Pam and Tommy mess. It’s like watching the massive tortoises screwing at the zoo. You can’t stop looking for the first 5 minutes and then it just gets unbearable.

  4. Sister Wolf says:

    Hallie – But wait, how do tortoises have sex???

  5. sisty56 says:

    Tortoises have sex the usual way…. but the grunting and groaning, oy vey!
    this was all over the internet a while ago.

  6. Sister Wolf says:

    A – Yeah, I’m in. I don’t even care about the heartbeat.

  7. Srenna says:

    That cover is awkward, right?

  8. Hallie says:

    SW: They have it, trust me. Very, VERY slowly and very intently. It’s pretty ridiculous to watch.

  9. Silke says:

    That cover was photoshopped to death which is a shame because they are all attractive people. TB is like a guilty pleasure you can’t quit – SM’s and AP’s acting is often unintentionally funny, although i love AS’s acting. This kiss to Sookeh was better than any homevideo. Did you see the episode 9 “Everything is broken”? The end has a lengthy sexscene between Bill and Sookehh. Now that was ackward to watch…

  10. Your Celebrity Sex Game could run a bit like the 6 links to Kevin Bacon:

    Rush Limbaugh + Rosie O’Donnel (what a Death Match!)

    Rosie O’ Donnel + Ann Coulter

    Ann Coulter + the winner of last year’s Kentucky Derby

    the winner of last year’s Kentucky Derby + Tom Cruise

    Tom Cruise + Tinkerbell

    Tinkerbell + Sponge Bob

    (..but I would prefer a three-way with Catherine Zeta Jones, Selma Hayack and Peter North..)

  11. Sister Wolf says:

    Srenna – The cover isn’t doing it for me, that’s for sure.

    dexter – Really? Who’s Peter North??

  12. David Duff says:

    Oprah and Michelle?

    Nah, on second thoughts the car needs cleaning.

  13. Find his videos online.. they’re very “extensive”… but remember to wear goggles..

  14. On the tortoise front years ago we had to have a female tortoise over from Bristol Zoo once to mate with our male tortoise. It was all action in the back garden. They really do go for it.

    I still haven’t watched True Blood – must do something about it, seems like I’m missing out.

  15. Juicier says:

    nej no non!

    not Paquin. Something about the configuration of gappy teeth, joker mouth, blobby nose and deep-set eyes disturbs me. Or maybe its the brown eyes, dyed blonde hair combo. or the shite acting.
    either which way, its not doing it for me.

    maybe ashton kutcher and demi moore?
    posh and becks?
    michael douglas and catherine zeta jones

    Mark Ronson when he was with Daisy Lowe – fo’ sho’

  16. Joy D. says:

    Sex tapes are always drunk and sloppy. I was naive to think the Paris Hilton sex tape would be hilarious but it was only her faking orgasms and playing with her cell phone.

  17. laura512 says:

    Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansen. In a heartbeat.

  18. HelOnWheels says:

    I’m with A: ASkars with anything, heartbeat optional!!! He’s the hottest Swedish import, period! IKEA doesn’t even rate.

  19. Laura says:

    There’s totally a True Blood-themed porn already. And I’m not ashamed I am intrigued by the idea of seeing the characters(ish) getting it on. I’d be a little weirded out by watching the real people doing it, since it’s not in the realm of fantasy.

    However, EVERYTHING about Alexander Skarsgard is in the realm of fantasy, so no qualms there.

  20. Suspended says:

    I stopped watching after the first two episodes. You’re right, the acting is terrible and it doesn’t take long to realise this is cheesy vampire soft porn.

    I saw some of the Colin Farrel sex tape. It, too, was tragic; She seemed to be ‘bad acting’ her horniness and there is nothing glamourous about watching Colin trying to fish a pube out of his mouth.

    It made sex seem very, very, unsexy.

  21. aine says:

    Brad and angie for me, but only the tabloid versions of them. For example angie would have to be evil nemesis of jennifer (wronged everywoman) anniston and brad would have to be emotionally exhausted by angies tantrums/moodswings/eating disorder/bisexuality.
    So during sex brad would have to yell how much he hates jen’s hair and that marley and me sucked and then afterwards brad drinks and cries (while weaving new beads into his beard/eyebrows/whatever). In the meantime A is plotting how to poison Smartwater’s water supply and blame it on jen.
    I like my imaginary celebrity sex tapes with a heavy dose of pantomine villainy

  22. Sister Wolf says:

    Laura512 – Oh, good call!!! I didn’t think of them…I may sign up for this.

    aine – and maybe brad has to praise each tattoo in a shriek of crazed devotion as he brings Angie to renounce Billy Bob with each thrust…..?

  23. Sister Wolf says:

    Jucier – Posh and Becks ONLY if there’s no audio.

  24. Cricket9 says:

    For the love of – everything, NOT Michael Douglas with anyone! It’s been years and I’m still traumatized by his droopy butt in that, that movie with Sharon Stone the title of which I blocked from my mind.

  25. patni says:

    the only sex tape I want to watch is me and A. Skars. I would watch me and Colin Farrel, he says he likes old ladies. But i have no interest in watching any one else.
    The Paris one kind of appalled me. It was so depressing and tragic. All that money, skinniness clothes and fame, and it looked like she was pretending. A little self esteem goes further than cash when it comes to orgasms i guess.

  26. Sister Wolf says:

    patni – You are a fucking GENIUS! I would watch me and Colin Farrel all day long. I once tried the Kim Kardashian sex tape, and it was terrifying.

  27. Aja says:

    I’m confused by David Duff’s comment. But I guess that wouldn’t be the first time . . .

  28. Sister Wolf says:

    Aja – Does he mean “Oprah and Gail?” OH NO wait, I think he means Michelle Obama! We need to ignore that in a big way, Aja.

  29. Mark says:

    Colin Firth and anyone, but preferably Thom Browne.

  30. David Duff says:

    Apologies, Aja, if I confused you, however you are not alone, I frequently confuse myself.

    I thought the question posed was which pair of celebs would you choose to watch in a sex video together and for approximately 7.85 nano-seconds I thought Oprah and Michelle together would be, er, amusing, and at my age I need the laughs, but alas, the thought shrivelled faster than – well, I leave the metaphor to you – and I decided that cleaning the car might be preferable.

    Incidentally, may I say how elegant those handbags are over at your place. I remember being told, back in my old art school days that the essence of good design is simplicity. I wish ‘Sis’ would grip this idea and stop shocking us with pictures of furry, feathered boots and suchlike!

  31. Ann says:

    Srenna – I subscribe to Rolling Stone and I admit I tore the cover off and threw it away before I could allow it to exist in my magazine rack, let alone pick up and read it.

    Following Patni’s brilliant theme – Javier Bardem and me.

  32. Erika says:

    I would say Javier Bardem and Penelope Cruz although really all I want to see is me and Ewan McGregor and Hugh Jackman. I have been working on that fantasy for months now.

  33. Dru says:

    Gael García Bernal and Diego Luna. That is all.

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