Eli Roth, Douchebag

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I don’t have to see Hostel or Hostel II to know that the guy responsible for these films is a total douchebag. And while I try to avoid the term ‘douchebag,’ sometimes nothing else will do.

Eli Roth is pleased to tell us that Le Monde chose Hostel as the best American film of the year, over The Departed. Also, he goes on, an “art form magazine called Hostel the smartest film they’d seen on American foreign policy and American imperialism.” Isn’t that nice? He’s been applauded for the genius he is, using explicit torture scenes to make his noble points about foreign policy.

I hate guys who foist garbage on people while insisting it’s a metaphor for garbage. I   hate this guy in particular for his pretentiousness. He seems like a spoiled brat whose psychoanalyst father and artist mother really fucked him up. He says they took him to see ‘The Exorcist’ when he was six, and marvels at how cool that was. Poor Eli! I guess he was traumatized, but that doesn’t excuse his wretched exploitation films and the aggregate damage done to filmgoers anxious to prove they can withstand the worst images of human suffering.

Eli Roth is also a connoisseur of teen movies like ‘Porky’s’ and “anything with Scott Baio.” See, he’s ironic and post-modern! More reasons to love him, and by that I mean hate him, because I like irony, too. In an interview he gave on the eve of his first hit movie, ‘Cabin Fever’ (also about torture and probably imperialism or maybe global warming) he reveals his plan to make a teen movie called ‘Scavenger Hunt.’ He says he’s going to bring back “real kids and bush. That’s what’s gonna come back. We’ve gotta bring bush back to movies.”

For   a moment, I’m ashamed to say I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about. Then he wraps up the interview with, “I just want real tits and bush!” Oh. That makes sense. I think Eli Roth needs a better psychiatrist than his dad. More to the point, I think he’s a fucking douchebag who needs to die. If only I could kill him,   Le Monde might recognize it as my statement about American consumerism.

I know ‘Hostel II’ will make a lot of money. I think I’ll save my money for ‘Scavenger Hunt.’

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8 Responses to Eli Roth, Douchebag

  1. Mark Poirier says:

    Dildo.

  2. Ash says:

    Hostel 1 SUCKED and I wont even bother 2 see the second one cuase of his bithcing and compalining about piracy

    The only reaon I leik him is cuase hes hott, but other then that….

  3. Kia says:

    I gotta agree. You’re a dildo. A pretentious, obviously prude dildo. Which is an achievement in and of itself.

  4. Sister Wolf says:

    Kia – Same to you, sweetie. xo

  5. Stephan Barkan says:

    This guy has to be a sicko! And if you enjoy watching people being tortured and murdered in the worst possible way, well then maybe you’re a sicko as well. Is this supposed to be entertainment or what?

  6. Rose says:

    I’m sorry to say that I completely agree with this entire article. I was a fan of his a while back for Cabin Fever. I still love that movie and my friends had such fun watching it together in the theater in San Francisco. I actually wrote to him about how the movie affected me. He was kind enough to write back (maybe I should blame that on my real tits…see how vain women can be).
    But slowly I had to change my status as a fan when I got a closer look into his comments. He encouraged children (young children) from Slovakia to learn….shout actually…American curse words.
    Then his raving about Cannibal Holocaust, a movie were animals are tortured and killed. He did recommend the Dutch version of The Vanishing though. Now a favorite. But as a life long animal lover…come on! Cannibal Holocaust!
    Finally his girlfriend for a time. The straw that broke my excuses for all you talk about. Peaches something or other. I’ve dated much older men, but not as young as she was. The photos of them together look like a lost child with her father.
    If one has to be as pretentious as Roth to get some spotlight, so be it. But do it with morality at least. We are talking about a smart and talented man. He knows people would like those torture movies just as people but tabloid shit. He can do better. Thank you for your emphasis on how disgusting human torture is in reality. I hope we raises his standards, because he is a talented, although highly pretentious man.

  7. Harmony says:

    Rose, I completely agree with every single thing you said. Eli is way too pretentious and seriously needs to tone it down a lot. I noticed how he hardly ever gives credit to his two (really respectable, down-to-earth looking) brothers Adam and Gabriel for helping him make Cabin Fever, The Rotten Fruit and short movies in their childhood. Adam and Gabriel look like so much nicer people than Eli does. They really do look like they have big hearts and minds. I think Cora and Sheldon did a wonderful job raising those two. And I personally believe that it wasn’t their fault that Eli turned out to be a douchebag. I think Sheldon and Cora are awesome. Eli is just an asshole. Hopefully he will read this and at least consider changing his personality for the better.

  8. Harmony says:

    I forgot to add this in my previous post, but I just need to get this out of my system. He takes his nice brothers for granted! I love both of my sisters very much. Not one day goes by without them crossing my mind at least once. I trust them more than anyone in my life. Siblings are family members you should always be grateful for, especially if your parents are jerks like mine!

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