If you missed the MTV Movie Awards because you had to watch The Sopranos, here are the main points.
Johnny Depp! Johnny was adorable, beyond yummy, despite his funny grunge outfit and that praying-hands thing he does. He is the shiz, and don’t argue with me.
Sarah Silverman was vulgar and proud of it, as usual, and I hate her. Whenever I see her described as “the beautiful Sarah Silverman” I flip out. The low forehead, the big nostrils, the dyed black hair, ugh. It’s not enough to be offensive, you should actually be funny. Make her go away!
Sasha Baron-Cohen was irreverent and gave you your money’s worth when he kissed Will Ferrell. Posh Beckham looked like a midget hooker, whereas Jessica Biel looked like a hockey player in a shroud-like mini-dress.
Amy Winehouse was fabulous in every way. She looked like a little stick with a huge beach ball balancing on her head, but I love her to death and can’t get enough of her. Go to youtube and watch her sing if you haven’t fallen for her yet.
Paris Hilton was upset when that mean ugly Sarah Silverman dissed her, so she left the show and went to jail a day early. Some black girl sang a song, dressed like a dominatrix, but my husband was messing with the new remote so I didn’t hear it. Cameron Diaz looked like a sausage squeezed into a tiny black mini-dress, designed to prove to Justin that he shouldn’t have dumped her.
Dane Cook was awful and needs to die. Shia Le Bouef did something, but I don’t know what because I had to watch The Sopranos (which was an exciting bloodbath.)
That’s it, until next year! Let me know if I forgot something.