Enough About Bra Size!

A new shop is coming to one of my favorite malls, called Intimacy. It’s a place where “experts” will help you select a bra, because even at your age, YOU DON”T KNOW YOUR OWN BRA SIZE.

That’s right, you are too stupid to choose your own bra. Oprah changed the world overnight by devoting a whole show to this phenomenon.   I saw it at 3 in the morning, and I’ll never forget how Oprah asked one woman if she could feel her boobs.   Anyway, we all learned that we were wrong about our chest measurements, and need to size down on chest size but UP on cup size. Okay, done!

But no, we’re just total fucking morons. Luckily Intimacy is here to help.

Our bra fitters are experienced style and fit gurus. They’re passionate about uplifting women at all stages of life.   Trained in the {Intimacy}holistic   bra-fit process, they can help you achieve the comfort, fit and shape you desire.

But I don’t know if I want a passionate fit guru to assess my boobs.   That’s a little too personal. But wait!

You don’t have to feel shy or embarrassed during an {Intimacy} Bra Fitting. We take utmost care to protect your privacy and to honor your feelings.”

Eeeoow! Now I REALLY don’t want this service, unless the fitters are eunuchs or doctors.   Furthermore, you need to make an appointment, although walk-ins are welcome as long as you’re willing to wait up to 2 hours for your fitting.

Go check out the website. It’s fun to take their fit quiz, where they magically calculate your REAL bra size, which in my case turns out to be a 32-C. As if! Flattery won’t get me in there to wait two hours to get felt up by a eunuch.

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48 Responses to Enough About Bra Size!

  1. Ann says:

    I’m a 34A. Period. Know what that means? I rarely wear bras, and when I do, they’re training bras – the half-tanktop or simple no underwire/triangle shape kind. Then I don’t have to fuss with cup size and all that other crap! I’m especially grateful for that fact right now as I learn of a store called Intimacy, who misuses the word “holistic” in their little advertising blurb!

  2. Faux Fuchsia says:

    How can a Foundation Garment be Holistic?

  3. Cheraya says:

    Holistic bras!!!

    My size doesn’t even exist on their silly ‘fit quiz’. It tells me I’m a 32B when I know for a fact that I am a 28DD. What a pile of shite!

  4. Cricket9 says:

    As much as I hate to admit this, I wore wrong size of a bra for about 10 years. First, I did not wear it at all for the same reason as Ann. That was bliss. At the age of 40 I unexpectedly got boobs, bought bras and hated them with passion – the horrible uncomfortable harnesses. Eventually I went to a store that did a fitting. My size was totally wrong. Now I have bras that fit and are less uncomfortable, but I would gladly exchange them for smaller boobs. Anyway, any department store should have trained people who can help with this – no need for “fit gurus”, brain surgery, rocket science…

  5. andrea says:

    I hate to disagree with you, but here I beg to differ. Although I am but a mere A cup, (or no bra most of the time), my 22 year old daughter is very well endowed. I could never give her bra advice, because I never had to deal with bras most of my life. Well, she went onto figleaves.com to find some new bras, and with their fit guide, she found that she is not the 38D that she thought she was, but a 36 DD or 36E (E?). She ordered the bras and when she tried them on, she said that she was a new woman! The new bras changed her life! (her words, not mine). She actually looked better in her clothes and her shoulders didn’t hurt anymore. The only difference with a store is that she did the measuring herself, but with their online instructions. So, in some cases, women ARE wearing the wrong size bra and don’t know it. My daughter thought that she had to put up with a sore back and shoulders. Now she feels liberated.

  6. K-Line says:

    This is so new age creepy. I’m all for wearing the right size bra – I’m trying to make them myself, for fuck’s sake. But honestly, you don’t need to scrutinize a woman’s chest to figure out the right bra size. You take a few (semi-clothed) measurements and try some options based on your optical knowledge of breast mass and shape.

    I “fit” my friends all the time and it’s utterly clinical and PG. (Well, until we get in the fitting room and then my inner Eastern Euro hard ass comes out and I’m all prodding them to make sure the back size is optimal and pointing out “pillowing” etc.)

  7. Aja says:

    I got fitted once at Vicki’s Secret. It was utterly humiliating. I remember asking a short Asian lady how I would accurately find my bra size. Before I even had a moment to get out my next sentence, she hoisted my arms above my head and whipped out her tape measure in the middle of the store. I was 17 therefore I was naturally mortified (because everything is mortifying at 17) and then and there promised myself to never ask a question to an eager sales person again.

    I do find though the bra sizes change from brand to brand. Slight variations here and there. So that’s why I stick with one brand and one only: Calvin Klein. You can’t go wrong and they’re all so pretty. I haven’t bought a bra by anyone else in years.

  8. annemarie says:

    No no no– NEVER underestimate what a good bra does for ones self-esteem, posture, and comfort.

  9. deja pseu says:

    Well, as someone with big boobs, I have to appreciate the concept. And for anyone out there who is thinking about it, DON’T go to Victoria’s Secret to get fitted for a bra. Most of them don’t know shit and will just try to sell you on whatever is their “hot” product at the time regardless of whether it’s the right bra for you or not.

    What I’m hoping is that this new store will have some *pretty* bras in larger cup sizes. I’m so tired of bras that look like they came from a military surplus store.

  10. Juri says:

    I have a bad feeling about their “holistic bra-fit process.” Why aren’t other parts of the process than the boob-feeling mentioned? Maybe I’m I just being paranoid but I had a horrible flash of myself entering their shop to buy a new bra for my imaginary girlfriend – only to have the door locked behind me and some glassy-eyed quack or other force his/her repertoire of aura cleansing, power chanting and positive thinking on me to ensure a perfect harmony between the bra and its new owner.

    My imaginary girlfriend just burned her bra and pledged to go topless for the rest of her life. I just started to outline a new career as a holistic underwear fit guru.

  11. sketch42 says:

    I just got a little queasy thinking about the first time my mom took me to buy a bra. At “Miss Pailine’s” in brooklyn. A tiny box filled closet in which “miss pauline” the yenta to crown all yentas felt me up.

    ughhhhhh, Ill take the wrong cup size anyday over that shit.

  12. Bessie the Buddha cow says:

    Ever since my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer, we stopped wearing bras with any underwire. There’s a lot of controversy about this, but being the paranoid heifer that I am I’d rather err on the side of caution. Here’s a site that talks about ill fitting bras, breast cancer, and fibrocystic breasts.

    “The main reason why tight bras are bad for breast health is because they restrict the lymph flow in your breasts” (From the link below.)

    http://www.007b.com/bras_breast_cancer.php

  13. I can tell a woman’s bra size at 10 paces. I am a fashion graduate and I do styling for a living (pretty poor one albeit). IT DOESN’T have to be intimate, believe me I don’t want to see any ones breasts. Most women are wearing the wrong size but that will never changes as long as they go to M&S in the UK and Deju Pesu is right about Victoria Secrets, they can’t fit for toffee either.

  14. I admit I’ve been fitted for a bra before.

    But seriously? A bra store has been “uplifting” women for years? God.

  15. Queen Michelle says:

    I have to admit that getting fitted properly for a bra was one of the best things I’ve ever done. I pretty much wore the wrong size since I started wearing bras and had no idea how much I’d hurt my back and shoulders in the process. BUT getting fitted involved nothing more than me standing in my own bra and the SA just looking and she knew my size right away. No need for holistic anything – just a brilliantly trained eye!

  16. TheShoeGirl says:

    Oh Jeeze. These people need to get a grip. Holistic bra fitting?? That’s so lame I can’t even stand it.

  17. rebecca says:

    Getting myself fitted was the best thing I ever did. It changed the way clothes fit me. I don’t know about this intimacy place as I’ve never been, but they sell the brand that I wear which I usually have to order from the UK. In fact every time I go back to Glasgow I go to the same wee bra shop that I have been to since I hit puberty and get re-fitted because, quite frankly, I have not found a good bra shop since I moved to LA. So I’m going to check out Intimacy when it opens. And I’m quite excited.

    And also, eyeballing it doesn’t always work well. Since I wear bras that fit me well, my boobs look WAY smaller than they actually are. I mean, on purpose. I look like I have udders in a bad-fitting bra :).

    It might be a cultural thing– when I first started sprouting my mum had me at M&S being fitted, and then when I outgrew a B cup she took me to a speciality shop. But then we also get used to sunbathing topless on beaches in Spain and stuff so are probably not as bashful about people seeing our boobs as if we’d grown up here (California… where I was almost arrested once for being topless on a beach before I knew there were laws against these things).

  18. dust says:

    Bra fitting OK, but not with this pompous vocabulary. They make measuring tits sound so serious that now I WANNA BE A BRA-FITTER! How noble!

  19. dexter vandango says:

    I’ve finally realized why us men over the age of 50 walk with our hands clasped behind our backs: To maintain balance as our front side becomes more weighty. Another 20 pounds and I’ll be ready for a man-siere to support my growing cleavage. It will mean wearing three cups..

  20. Iron Chic says:

    haha Sister, you always hit the Annoying Nail on the head.
    I can totally take care of buying the right bra for myself….but it seems like a few of the larger breasted commenters have benefited from bra fittings?
    And Bessie, wow, that is worrying information!

  21. L says:

    I am excited about the store. I have a tough time finding bras that fit properly. I went to a “specialty” shop in LA and it was just awful. They didn’t have a bra that fit properly so the fitter tried to MacGyver something that would work. I wanted to feel pretty and sexy, not like I was wearing Frankenbra all held together with different pieces of other bras. I ended ordering bras online and believe me they are not pretty and they don’t increase the sexiness quotient, but they hold up “the girls”.

    Susan Nethero (she’s the bra whisperer) is the owner of Intimacy. She has also written a book call “Bra Talk” (yes, I admit I own a copy). She teamed up with Carson Kressley on the show “How to Look Good Naked”. It was amazing to see the transformations from a properly fitted bra.

    The right bra can do wonders when it comes to flattering one’s figure. After seeing the show and watching the bra makeovers I am willing to submit to a “holistic” bra fitting.

    I just had my first mammogram this year…..it cannot be any worse than that!

  22. Do men get holistic fittings for grippies?

  23. Alicia says:

    People can measure themselves just fine…now with that said, when I actually measured myself properly, I found that I was actually wearing the wrong size. I sort of wish I didn’t find that out because no physical store seems to stock the new size that I am.

    SHIT.

  24. patni says:

    I think bra fittings are brilliant. Victoria’s secret will always measure you wrong, they will never tell you you are a size they don’t carry. So they told me i was a 36DD. I am in fact about a 30H. A lot of people wear the wrong bra size, it causes a lot of unnecessary back problems ill fitting clothes and misery.
    But some one can take a look at how your bra fits, suggest a better size, and the should have it right at the first or second go. No reason for holistic nothing.
    The only part that needs to be uplifted is the boob. It is only life changing in as much as your boob is your life. It can make clothes fit better and give you a lot more comfort. But it sure aint the meaning of life.

    Alicia, try bravissimo.com they stock all sizes, will help you measure your own boobs over the phone, and if you go for a fitting will fit you and not smother you in life changing bull shit.

  25. Sister Wolf says:

    deja pseu and Patni – Victoria’s Secret is that their products are CRAP! I hate VS. It’s depressing to even walk by one.

    juri – I looked at their “jobs” page, thinking that maybe it would be a nice career for a People Person like me.

  26. Angelica says:

    hahahha….it said I was a 32D. Yeah right!

    They probably have really creepy “holistic” orgies in the back rooms of that store.

  27. kate says:

    I’m a 30 C and can never find a good bra, what with the somewhat concave chest beneath average size bosoms. Their bra calculator doesn’t even include 30. I get the feeling these people would call me a freak and blame bad bra-wearing for the weird size and would probably force me into a 32 B–which both pinches and sags. Holism my areola!

  28. Cheraya says:

    For those people who are a ‘difficult’ size (under 32 or over 40) check out Figleaves or Bravissimo. Bravissimo is based in the UK, as is Figleaves, but they have a US site.
    I spent years wearing a 32C only to find out I’m a 28DD. It does make a difference wearing a bra that fits, but that site is vomit-inducing in its approach.

    http://www.figleaves.com/uk/home.asp
    http://www.bravissimo.com/products/lingerie

  29. David Duff says:

    I have come late (*I* do the jokes!) to this conversation but, alas, I cannot read all the comments due to my over-excitment (be still my beating heart!) However, if I may interject a purely, or perhaps, impurely, male request, do you think the bra manufacturers could design a bloody bra catch than can be easily undone by a man with trembling fingers and 8 pints of Guiness swilling around inside him? I ask not for myself, you understand, all ‘that sort of thing’ being the stuff of fond memories nowadays, but for the younger generation of chaps. You see, I really do care about the young.

  30. Cricket9 says:

    Mr. Duff, absolutely not. The trembling fingers, the fumbling, the frustration etc. is an integral part of life experience as a young male; it would be very wrong to take it away. You have “fond memories’, the younger generation of chaps needs them too, especially now, when most things are easy.

  31. Sister Wolf says:

    David – I think CRicket9 is right on this. HOWEVER! I also like a man (i.e., my husband) who can unhook a bra with one hand. Sometimes you want a trembler, other times you want an expert.

    L – I wish we wouldn’t call our boobs “the girls.” It upsets me, kind of like “baby bump.” Let’s just leave it to Scarlett Johanson to call her boobs her girls, as she does constantly.

  32. dexter vandango says:

    Mr. Duff.. if you offer them enough money they’ll take off their bras themselves. That’s what Playboy and Charlie Sheen have been doing for years.

    And I myself once got a woman to take off her bra up to twice a month by taking out the trash every day for 20 years. But don’t ask me if it was worth it..

  33. Elisa says:

    Um, you know, I didn’t really think she looked beaten up…I thought she looked sort of painted, in shades of purple and black….The poses also reminded me of figure drawing…

  34. Sister Wolf says:

    dexter – Hahahahahaha!

    Elisa – DON’T SAY “UM!” How many times do I have to tell you people?! With all due respect, you are an idiot. The pictures are meant to be a bruised woman, read the stupid text that came with the photos.

  35. David Duff says:

    “And I myself once got a woman to take off her bra up to twice a month by taking out the trash every day for 20 years.”

    Bloody hell – I’m owed – big time! Thanks, Dexter.

  36. mutterhals says:

    I hardly ever wear a bra. If I have to look at other women’s udders all man-handled and pushed up to their chins, they can deal with my perky, jiggling boobies.

  37. Jenny Dunville says:

    D Duff – cut the straps w/teeth for even more fun.

    Seriously, abt 42 yrs ago i was sent to the local dept. store for a bra fitting with seemingly 100 yr. old “Madge.” Best thing ever. Set me straight very quickly on all the manufacturers & my shape. Remember; once you fasten the back, BEND OVER, and adjust. Lov u SW & thanks for addressing these most important issues!

  38. David Duff says:

    Jenny, thanks for the tip but these days I have to remember where I put my teeth!

  39. TheBadKate says:

    All I want is a store that will sell me a nice bra, without rash-like lace, with supportive fabric and underwire, but NOT cut up to my chin, in a B cup. I’m so sick of “light padding” that puts me up two cup sizes. I know my size, and I’m happy being small-breasted, and I’d like to celebrate that. Nobody seems to make them any more; it’s either perky little moulded frames that stand up by themselves, or underwire-free Granny styles with old-fashioned seams and a conical point, or flimsy bits of microfibre that don’t actually support anything.

    And to address the gentlemen’s point, it’s not terribly exciting to grope somebody and get a handful of shaped foam, either.

  40. David Duff says:

    “it’s not terribly exciting to grope somebody and get a handful of shaped foam, either.”

    Quite right, ‘Bad Kate, that’s exactly what my first girlfriend said to me as she withdrew her hand from my rather smart but baggy, white airtex Y-fronts. Ah, those were the days . . .

  41. I only wear bras for sex and if “Intimacy” declares that a good bra = a great life, then obviously I haven’t been paying attention.

  42. Pippie says:

    As a fitter in a local department store, I agree that a proper fitting greatly benefits most women. We try not to feel them up, though. Of course failing that, there’s always the “fruit” method:

    http://www.plus-sizebra.com/fruit-sized/

    Haha. It’s not as accurate as a proper fitting, but better than you’d think!

  43. The Snake says:

    I admit it – I’m one that didn’t know my bra size – but found most stores didn’t know it either. They kept fitting me for a 38DD. I had “granny” teats. The truth was, I finally found Nordstrom’s. How professional and how great I felt. They put me in a 32H (that’s right it’s a bra size folks) and the girls just perked up. No longer were the straps of my bra trying to hold up the fort… the bra worked with me helping me with my posture as well.

    So for those of you that do not know this feeling – maybe it’s time to learn about it. As for the rest, if you are “ok” with your size bra – god bless you.

  44. randomchick says:

    it asked for my blouse size……and i dont own one…….

  45. Kajaki says:

    Today I woke up early and I coundn’t fall a sleep yesterday, becouse of this post. It’s really a sleep taker?.

  46. Lesa says:

    I had a fitting and it was very unnerving the first time but I have spent thousands of dollars trying to find the right bra. I have large breast but my back is not wide so I can never find the support and comfort of the right bra. I love these bras and I thank the fitter. I have only bought 2 so far because they are costly but if I had all the money back for the bras I bought in the past I could have an entire wardrobe of intimacy bras.

  47. Melanie says:

    I had a really professional bra fitting at a specialty store (Victoria’s Secret is a different story) and I have never been happier. I couldn’t figure out what size I was because it turns out I’m a 30 C, which I had never seen before in my life. Even with my small size, I had been having a lot of back pain from wearing a 34 B bra that gave no support at all (the closest fitting size I could find in a regular store without feeling suffocated).

    I wore a white t-shirt to the fitting and she just measured over my shirt quickly. She brought several to try on and would leave the room to let me change and always ask if I would be comfortable with allowing her to check the fitting without my shirt on (in the new bra). She would pull on places and adjust parts as necessary, which allowed me to learn how to fit my own bra on me and correct the adjustment every time.

    I was really surprised at the price too, the fitting was free and the bras I purchased were between $28-46, what I would normally pay at a decent quality lingerie store. They never scrutinize or use words like “small,” “average,” etc.

    The traditional “measure yourself here and there” is not correct, since I had been wearing a 34B! I would really highly recommend having a professional fitting. They really are professionals who DO KNOW MORE THAN YOU about bra sizes.

    I think that everyone should have a -real- professional bra fitting, but it may be hard to find experienced fitters that conduct themselves entirely professional.

  48. I think the the fit of a bra is really important especially as so many people use different size guidelines now. We tell people who have never used online before to follow these guidelines as a guide only:
    http://www.lingerieplease.co.uk/bra-size/
    Then if you try on two similar to your size you should find the right one for you. Being fitted is a good idea however you have to take into account that each retailer is different so if you are unsure look at their size guidelines.

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