Focus That Hatred!

People, I know how hard it is to stay focused in today’s fast-paced multi-tasking world, but we must try to funnel our collective hatred toward Grandpa and the Mean Church Lady. Look at this PAP Smear warrior with her Blessed Virgin. Here is a role model we should all emulate. She’s beautiful, she’s angry, she’s ready for battle.

Today I admit I lost my path for a moment. I discovered the horror that is Erin Wasson, and I was filled with disgust and helpless rage. Where did this awful person come from, and why is she allowed to speak, when every word she utters is an egregious offense?

When enraged so unexpectedly, my organism is flooded with fight-or-flight hormones, which then bathe my vital organs in toxic cortisol. Since I can’t kill anyone, I am speeding toward either colitis or possibly a fatal aneurysm. DON’T GIVE ME MORE TO HATE! In gas station terms, don’t top off my tank.

So we must move past Erin “Why did god make me?” Wasson, Madonna, Gwyneth, even Keira Knightley, in order to function effectively as PAP Smear.

The good news is that Mrs. P is starting to annoy people, even her constituents in Alaska, who resent her Troopergate antics. Today she agreed to be questioned by a panel of three people she has the authority to fire.

People are sick of trying to remember the names of those fucking children. I took my kid to a party and ended up in a group of moms drinking margaritas. None of us could retrieve all five names. Bristol, Track, Willow, Trig…….and who? We were all stumped. The hostess went to her computer and then made us play 20 Questions. One mom suggested “Trash,” which is very inspired but not the answer.

Note to Bristol: Trash is a cool name for your baby!

Another thing to remember as PAP Smear members is that Grandpa needs to be outed as well, as a lying scumbag bent on blowing up the entire world. Grandpa isn’t just a horrible old fart! He’s a deceitful, disloyal little daddy-fearing dipshit just like George W. only potentially more dangerous. Start your reading on Grandpa’s history here. Then go here.

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25 Responses to Focus That Hatred!

  1. stella-mayfair says:

    I totally HATE Erin Wasson! She’s — like — a stupid — like — dumbasss that — like — tries to take over the — like — world. Erm. Like.
    I especially hate her because she ripped off fabulous but little known jewelry designer Bliss Lau. She positively took Lau’s Design and replicated it for her own Jewelry Line. Like, cool, she’s a famous model, like, can do whatever she likes in her little denim shorts, like, erm.

  2. Oh goody lots of PAP work abound !

  3. Imelda Matt says:

    I couldn’t even stomach that video…effing douche!

    We need to crank up our fundraising efforts, so I’m thinking of running a ‘book’. Imelda has years experience running guns and people smuggling so I should be able to skirt any international laws on gambling. I’ll start by taking bets on Bristols baby name..Trash is listed at 6-1…keep ’em coming

  4. Skye says:

    Erin Wasson and her never ending army of wannabe Wassons (we have scads of them on every street corner here) are on my hatred hit list from way back. She reminds me of a really annoying ex-girlfriend of my brother’s, which doens’t help her cause.

    I have a problem which I need PAP Smear advice on. On my blog I call my two year old son “the little dude” as his online alias. My husband requested/borderline instructed me tonight to change it due to the “first dude” situation which I had managed to remain oblivious to until now. What should I do? I feel like I shouldn’t back down because of these hellacious pieces of shit and their media machine, but on the other hand I really don’t want anyone to think I’m trying to be like them.

  5. hammie says:

    Well Skye, according to this:

    My new name is Krinkle Bearcat; which I must admit I like. Perhaps you can put little dudes name into the name generator and re-name him, until the whole thing dies down. I keep reminding people about Pauline Hanson, an australian version of Sarah Palin from the mid-nineties; who ended up in Cell Block H for electoral fraud…


  6. Tobi Lynne says:

    Here’s the latest to piss me off, just in case you need someone else to direct your hatred at:

    I wrote Westboro Baptist Church, and politely told them to fuck off. I didn’t hear back.

  7. OMGGMAB says:

    Imelda Matt: The obvious name for Bristol’s baby is “Pap.” That fulfills the important mission that Grandpa thinks the kid is being named for him, but of course, we get the last laugh!

  8. OMGGMAB says:

    Hammie: Thanks for the Palin name generator. Put in “Pap” and the name generated was

    Shaver Razorback Palin

    F’n awesome! Go with that, Imelda Matt.

  9. honeypants says:

    I didn’t know about Erin before, but after reading that interview with her, I totally hate her now too! There were so many things to hate about her, just from that! But then the video — talking about how homeless people in Venice Beach were just pulling out the most amazing looks from trashcans? I’d like to see her be homeless! Breaking my foot was awesome! Wow, what a cunt! (And not in a good way, like you!)

    Grandpa, he just gets worse and worse as the days go by.

  10. honeypants says:

    By the way, who is our beautiful PAP Smear warrior?

  11. Bex says:

    Wow Erin Wasson is now on the same douche level for me as Pete Douche..I mean, Pete Wentz. What a moron.

  12. Juri says:

    There was a wonderful quote in the Nation Institute’s piece: “This is a man not at peace with himself”. That’s Grandpa in a nutshell.

    He’s running for president for all the wrong reasons and should try therapy instead of desperately trying to live out the storyline of a bottom-five-of-his-class graduate turned a “war hero”, turned a senator, turned a president. The therapist could wear a uniform and hug him and say “daddy loves you and is proud of you”. Then he could tell Grandpa that he will not live forever and that it is okay to retire at 72 instead of bending over backwards and sideways and saying whatever you think you must say to win the Elections. Then they could call Dubya and he could tell him it really isn’t worth it.

    Also, it would be funny if it weren’t scary that it took that women’s morning show (“View” or something with Whoopy Goldberg & Co.) to call out Grandpa, at least a little, on his lies and misleading ads. How can it be so difficult for a “real” reporter to say to Grandpa, “you’re a liar”, and to the Church Lady, “you’re incompentent and ignorant”, and throw the evidence to their face?

  13. why, after hearing all the blog blather about Erin Wasson and how awesome she is, did I think she would actually be interesting/intelligent/original? I’m such a dumbass.

  14. enc says:

    I’m too grossed out by all the Republican politics to take anymore today. I need to lie down!

  15. annemarie says:

    oh fashionherald, you’re not a dumbass! I too was duped! You know what is really, really depressing though? This video, where at the end she says “it’s our world, you’re just living in it.” I very nearly hung myself after watching this: :

    Grandpa is outed– praise the lord! Why did it take so long? Personally, I always thought that his “heroic” refusal to break the code was very strange given that his captors are supposed to have tortured him etc. I mean if someone is going to torture you and then they want to release you and you say “no thank you, my daddy wouldn’t like it if i broke the code,” then they would say “oh he would, would he?” and, you know, FORCE you to do it anyway? I mean, given that they are evil torturers? It’s just a bit, i don’t know, inconsistent?

  16. hahaha, I’m almost scared to watch, annemarie! but of course i will.

  17. rowan says:

    Where do you dredge up this awful garbage! I can’t believe these people exist and somehow “succeed”. By the way, like, that model, like, totally has HUGE FUCKING NOSTRILS!!!

  18. Sister Wolf says:

    rowan – I just now complained to annemarie about those HUGE NOSTRILS!!!

  19. Sister Wolf says:

    Stella-Mayfair – She’s like, all horrible. I’m like, why hasn’t anyone shot her, dude?

    Imelda Matt- Good idea, so far we have ‘Trash” and ‘Pap.’

    Skye – Look how Mrs. P is reaching out to fuck you up all the way in Australia! Can she see it from her yard??

    Hammie – I pray she will end up in the slammer, too.

    OMGGMAB -Nice work!

    Tobilynne – Stay focused, every drp of hatred is needed for PAP

    Honeypants – The homeless quote is the money-shot. P.S. the warrior is our beloved annemarie.

    Bex – YES, I’d say she’s worse than Pete in terms of evoking an urge to vomit or kill

    fashionherald – Take some medication if you need it!!

    Juri -EXACTLY. Your comment is a must-read for all PAPsters.

    enc- No, you can’t lay down, we need you. I’m having a debate party on Friday if Mr. Enc would drive you down here!

  20. ash says:

    I personallly would like to see Grandpa’s pysch records.
    Oh, wait, he won’t release them. Oh well!

  21. Mark says:

    I’m full of rage.

  22. Mark says:

    That PAP Smear Warrior is adorable, by the way.

  23. I can’t direct my boiling hatred at Erin Wasson (or the even more vapid Cory Kennedy). Stupid, yes, but probably not dangerous. Must stay focussed on Palin and Grandpa!

  24. Shirly Ipsen says:

    You might haven’t intended to do so, but I think you have managed to express the state of mind that lots of individuals are in. The sense of wanting to help, but not knowing how or where, is something lots of us are going via.

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