Skulls, Fur, and Gwyneth Paltrow

Look at these amazing little purses by Natalie Brilli. Gazing at them, I completely forgot that I’m sick of skulls. I would hate to have to choose between them. In fact, I need everything she’s ever designed, even the black leather skateboard. Every piece is a work of art.

As an admitted lover of fur, I found my self vaguely disgusted by this fur ‘helmut’ by Rachel Comey.

It’s made of 100% baby alpaca. We are assured that it’s “made from alpaca that died of natural causes”. Somehow, that doesn’t sound good to me. If the animals were babies, why did they die? Were they sick? I wouldn’t want to wear anything made from a sick dead baby animal.

It just goes to show how we don’t always respond to marketing. Another example is the use of older women to sell us skin products. Ugh. Or Gwyneth Paltrow shilling for Estee Lauder and Tod’s. The ads with Gwyneth say to me “I’m too lazy to act in movies now, so here’s how I’m making money!”

I saw Gwyneth on Oprah the other night, and she stated proudly that she was very involved in her children’s lives. Hahaha! As though she deserved a medal. Fucking Gwyneth! When she started praising Madonna’s “wisdom,” I changed the channel. Is anyone else bothered by Gwyneth? I actually find her more annoying that Keira Knightley.

*PAP Smear bonus! Here is a clip of the First Dude trying to read!

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25 Responses to Skulls, Fur, and Gwyneth Paltrow

  1. Skye says:

    I’m quite fed up with skulls too – but that purple one is too perfect to be annoyed with – it is truly covetable.

    I’m going to pretend I never, ever heard about the sick dead baby alpaca hat.

    Gwyneth is the princess of non-self awareness and terminal smugness, I do have enough misguided affection for her though to stop her being more annoying to me than KK. That’s not saying much though!

  2. Lady K says:

    I have long been annoyed by Gwyneth, it started around the time of her smugness when dating Brad Pitt, and what I perceived to be her “oh look at me I’m just normal and an actress and not in it for the fame, oh and really sincere”. I also object to her not wearing a bra. Just because a woman is thin it does not mean a bra is not required. Whenever I think of her I think of her with no bra and her spaniel’s ears boobs hanging under her t-shirt. Don’t even get me started on Madonna. Oh, and her husband Chris Martin is equally annoying with all that bloody felt tip pen writing all over his hands. Yeuch!

  3. annemarie says:

    “terminal smugness”…”spaniel’s ears boobs”… hahaha!
    I remember years ago (I wish I didn’t remember stuff like this…I wish I only remembered important stuff) reading an interview and in it Ben Affleck said that GP was an “ugly girl trapped in a beautiful girl’s body” and he meant that as a COMPLIMENT!
    Christ, there are so many reasons why that is fucked up, I just don’t know where to begin.
    She doesn’t bother me as much as she used to because she seems to have dropped a lot of the earnest, neurotic posing of her former days. For example, in those Tod’s ad– which look weirdly like ads from the 1970s. I bet the stylists flocked around telling her that she was “the Grace Kelly of our generation” (which I’ve heard in other quarters– also annoying)– she just looks like any other Upper East Side pooch who goes to the Hamptons every summer. Since that is exactly what GP is, I find her more palatable.
    I wish everyone would drop the hypocricy. Like MADONNA, for example. Oh my god, SOMEBODY THROW A PIE IN THIS WOMAN’S FACE! Did you read that shocking Vanity Fair interveiw? Unbelievable! You must read it! All of you! You will be horrified!
    It’s hard to know who is worse, her or the interviewer, but either way they both deserve to be publicly flogged and pied for this shit.

  4. Lady K says:

    annemarie, annemarie, annemarie you ruined my lunch hour, I just sat and read that Madonna shit. You are so right, he is a sycophantic asshole who writes a whole lot of crap. Honestly, when Madonna and Paltrow get together it must like the annual meeting of the cunts! My Monday just got worse. Poor David

  5. annemarie says:

    I’m sorry Lady K!

  6. OMGGMAB says:

    Yes! Sign up George immediately! Just think, he might mention PAP Smear in his column and we’d all be almost as famous as Gwyneth and Madonna. Although, that might make us Elites or at least Plastics. . .

  7. OMGGMAB says:

    I love the silver skull, but it does need lipstick.

  8. enc says:

    Dead baby alpaca at breakfast time! Wowee. Must go wash eyes out with soap.

  9. ash says:

    I am undecided about the “skull” trendiness. I have skulls tattooed over both knee-caps, so on the one hand, all this skull patterned crap all over Target, makes my kids (4 and 12) think I am super-cool! Of course, I remind them how cool I actually am, on a daily basis. On the other hand, blech, go away skulls, especially that dumbass that bedazzled the skull and called it art, nice! I wish I had some rich-idiotic friends to back all my “artistic” endeavors. No really, I do! My friends are just the poor-idiotic types, and I am not even certain that they would hang out with me, if I didn’t have skulls tattooed on my knees, all trendy-like. Those skull purses rock!

    And I saw that dumb old Gwyneth on Oprah. And Oprah was all, ohhh Gywneth, look at your body, it sooo amazing, let’s go to your PRIVATE gym with your PERSONAL trainer and gush about how fucking amazing you are!
    Ok, here’s my problem! Rich Actor ladies should be fit. They better not have one single itty bit of fucking fat on them. They have cooks. and Trainers. Hello? Oprah? I am training to run a marathon. ALONE! and I cook, myself. I run all week long, and I can still find time to stick a white-trash casserole in the oven! Yesterday I ran 15 miles, BY MYSELF, and I had to stick my water bottle on a PUBLIC picnic table, and some motherfucker STOLE it, when it I was on mile 10. Let’s see Gwyneth try and deal with that! And then Oprah, can be, all “OH GWYNETH, let’s talk about the day some motherfucker stole your water and your personal trainer had to go buy you a new bottle, while you waited and cried and thought about more fruit names for your children.” CALL ME OPRAH, I would blow your mind! I used a water fountain! PUBLIC WATER FOUNTAIN!

    ps: Todd Palin would not be the first dude. He would be the second dude. Yet another reason to hate those wierdo lying Palins.

  10. Uh-oh, the baby aplaca helmut is currently out of stock.

  11. OMGGMAB says:

    Call Sarah, I’ll bet she can conjure up a baby moose helmet for you. Or maybe baby bear is more your style?

  12. re: Gwyneth, the less she speaks the better.

  13. WendyB says:

    Those skull purses are awesome.

  14. PatrickH says:

    I completely forgot that I’m sick of skulls.

    Ah Sister. How you crack me up. Not only are you one of the rare people (rare in my life at least) who could say offhandedly and with a straight face (and mean it), that you’re “sick of skulls”, but that you could completely forget it!

    “Sick of work”, “sick of peanut butter”, even “sick of life”…I hear that shit all the time.

    Sick of skulls? Skulls? Who the fuck is exposed to, thinks about, interacts with skulls enough to get sick of them in the first place? And then completely forgets about it?

    Oy, Sister. You destroy me with laughter. You do.

    Stalkerishly but laughingly,

  15. Juri says:

    I’m an incurable skull boy because they remind my inner 10 year-old of the phantom and the happy days I spent believing that a Bengali based, milk drinking, super hero on a white horse is as good a career option as any

    If a furry animal died of natural causes it was slaughtered by a fur farmer. That’s their natural way to go. No sicknesses involved, which is nice.

    But Gwyneth…I barely see her anywhere so she doesn’t really annoy me as much as her husband (and his band) does. If any of her movies is on I change the channel. But it’s good to hear she is involved in her children’s lives. That’s a start. Maybe one day she’ll get involved in Chris Martin’s life as well and tells him to be less pompous and stop acting like a skinny English version of Joe Cocker when he sings his “poetic” songs.

  16. Sal says:

    Yow. Yeah, baby alpacas that died of natural causes do NOT sound like good raw materials for headgear. Marketing gone awry.

    Gwennie was mean to an actress friend of mine eons ago, and I’ve hated her ever since. I’ll admit it.

  17. Ok I don’t know what I’m more upset about the baby alpacas or the fact I followed Annemarie’s link to the Madonna Vanity Fair interview. Holy moly what a croc of shit the fact poor alpacas are killed for their virgin fur or that Madonna is trying to attain Virgin Mary status.
    Get back to PAP smearing and porn star obituaries – that makes me laugh!!

  18. Bex says:

    I put up with Gwyneth only (and only) because of Chris Martin.

    And “natural causes” my ass!

  19. hammie says:

    noooo, really? And even when you look at KK’s “please don’t smack me in the mouth again with a cricket bat pout”???

    Gwenyth is benign.

    I like skulls. I like the fact that something Damien Hirst brought into pop culture has filtered it’s way into H&M children’s wear so that Bratty can wear post ironic tee-dresses with little skulls all over them. While flitting about being bratty.

    It is a kind of “The Devil wears Prada” and the “Oscar de la Renta” cerulean sweater moment.

    especially when she gets vegemite all over them.

  20. OMGGMAB says:

    Just to lighten the moment and to provide focus on the Pap Smear campaign, go here for a bit of fun and chatting with Sarah. She’s a riot and looks scrumptious in seal fur!

  21. Sister Wolf says:

    Skye – Try to hate Gwynnie, it won’t be hard and it’s good practice.

    Lady K – What is your job in PAP Smear? I like your passion.

    annemarie – Where do I even begin? Every time I hear ‘the new Grace Kelly’ I die a little. Madonna, well, I have hated her for so long it’s just part of my Being. I STILL want her to kill herself on pay-per-view TV.

    OMGGMAB -We mustn’t be confused with Elites. We need to pose as Ordinary Trailer Trash. SHHh!

    enc – Sorry.

    ash – YES, yes. GO, GIRL! What is your job title? We need your energy in Pap Smear.

    fashionherald – HAhahahaha!

    Iheartfashion – I need her to go into hiding. Silence isn’t enough.

    Patrick – as they say in AA, Keep coming back!

    Juri – Chris Martin can just die, as far as I’m concerned. He’s responsible for all that piano banging, right?

    Sal -Good call on the early hating of Gwyneth!

    WendyB – Your skull items are also exceptions. They are beautiful.

    Make do and mend – you aren’t supposed to laugh at any “obituary” you see here… I’m a little concerned.

    Bex -Listen to your ass!

    Hammie – YAY for Bratty. She is my style icon. KK has that look because her lip injections hurt. She has said so in some magazine. Hitting her is still good, of course.

    OMGGMAB – Thank you, that WAS fun.

  22. insomnia says:

    oh. my. god. I refuse to weigh in on the dead-baby-alpaca-hat-thing on the grounds that the entire concept is too absurd for my poor gasoline-addled brain to grasp. Some things, at their core, are just wrong. UNLESS of course you are a native of some village in the Andes that requires something like this to keep your freezing head warm, right? Totally excusable. Skulls? Don’t worry about it…you got one, I got one, everyone has one, therefore cannot go out of style. Have been a serious fashion/style thing since way before Shakespeare. The mainstream will tire of them and then those of us out on the fringe of respectability (or past the fringe) can have them back.

    At these comments were excellent, but Ash absolutely rules.

  23. Imelda Matt says:

    Thanks annemarie, 20 minutes I’ll never get back…what a load of BS. Inter connecting circles and white rooms – Did Madonna’s people slip that writer acid, he was on something!

    The First Dude’s ‘major’!

  24. Eek says:

    But what about Scarlett Johansen? I almost loathe her as much as Gwyneth. At least she knows we hate her, ScarJo doesn’t.

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