Go Away, You Awful Teenagers


Still under the influence of bad hair, I was informed by KOS of an online fashion mag whose editor is 15 years old. Sure enough, it’s all about high-priced ‘avant garde’ designers and models whose hands are THIS CLOSE to touching their faces, with text like “combining armorial pieces with organic materials…”   Wait a minute, do they really mean armorial, which means “pertaining to heraldry” or do they mean “armor-like?”

Take a look at the young Sister Wolf, a poor little hippie girl at age 14. Check the velvet thriftshop dress, the crown of daisies, the elegant cigarette.

Do I know what I’m talking about, people?!

All you horrible teenage fashion girls, listen up. Stop blabbing about Rodarte and Rad Hourani and your fucking shoes and your mom’s shoes, go out and smell the roses! Put them in your hair and buy a pack of fucking cigarettes! Find a new way to be pretentious, for the love of god!   I hate all of you!   This is why it’s so hard to get a babysitter!

These girls are too busy talking about “leggy cashmere playsuits” and not spending enough time experimenting with drugs. Better to be sexting with their BF’s than squandering their precious youth on being epic in their fierce wedges and expounding on the timelessness of the Birkin bag.

Two words for you girls:   Shut Up. (I was going to say “Try Anal,” but then I thought better of it.)

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40 Responses to Go Away, You Awful Teenagers

  1. It is truly sad when a cashmere playsuit has more cache at the age of 15 than drinking scrumpi cider and hoping for a frolic in a haystack. Of course I cared about what I was wearing but a) their was music to listen to and parties to arrange, exams to do and gossip to be had plus obvioulsy learnign how ot smoke – truly I had to be taught and I was rubbish never got addicted just did it to be part of gang.

    Now you do realise their amour will be up and guarding their egos when they see your photo. ‘How can we look so cool, agh how does she do it, were is my skinny latte I can’t cope!’

  2. Moda says:

    I think teenagers do need to go away and experiment with life. How much of a childhood does being a mag editor give you? Sadly, some people are driven not to do that and to work a lot.. at 15..

    Still if anyone had told me at 15 that I was too young to be doing whatever I was doing, I’d have told them to fuck off and assumed that they were an uptight bastard.

  3. dust says:

    The latest discussions about the age and Sister’s point of view made me ask myself the following: if by aging we get faces we deserve and our experiences and personalities show through, that what sort of faces teenage jaded princesses are gonna get and deserve?
    Anal comes to mind, right…
    Keeping up the appearances!

    The editor girl might still be a big rebel, doing all the stuff adults are supposed to do, editing and such…

  4. OMGGMAB says:

    I defy any 15 year old to know enough about language to edit more than LOL or URMYBFF. Go out and get a life and then come back when you have a story worth editing and you have learned enough to distinguish good writing from bad.

    All teenagers should be sent to boarding school in the Alps and returned to their parents at age 25 when they can actually hold a conversation.

  5. OMGGMAB says:

    Love the daisies, by the way. Nice contrast of innocence and defiance. Still relate to that.

  6. Danielle says:

    All hail, all hail! That’s an amazing photo of you…very cool! And yes, teeny fashionistas…shut up!

  7. andrea says:

    Forget about teenagers, here’s a link to a fashion blog written by a 9 year old!

    p://stylebirdd.blogspot.com/ (you have to cut and paste)

  8. Queen Michelle says:

    Well I am just pleased to see that there are 15 year olds out there at least trying to be productive.
    Where I live they run in gangs and carry knives and it’s them you need to be scared of when walking down the street – not the adults.
    But I admit that normally I hate teenagers too but, like I said, I am exposed to the un-educated, socially inept variety so my barometer isn’t the best!

  9. Lori says:

    andrea: I’m horrified. That blog can’t be real, right?

  10. Deni says:

    Great photograph! Love everything about it!

    15 year-olds should be in awe of life and all it’s mysteries and reveling in their youth. They should be changing their world (for the better); they have the stamina and the idealism . . .wait . . . is that my youth I’m talking about? Have computers ruined the youth on the upside of the digital divide? Are they missing out on real live for a virtual one? Am I? Maybe I shouldn’t be squandering my middle age in the same way . . . yikes where am I going with this?

  11. andrea says:

    Lori, I believe it is real. I left out part of the address. It is http://stylebirdd.blogspot.com/. I would love to see what all of you think, including sister wolf.

  12. WCGB says:

    My theory is that if you act like an adult when you’re a teenager, you’ll act like a teenager when you’re an adult. There are developmental stages that won’t be denied, so you might as well do them at the ‘right’ time. If you don’t, you’re liable to waste decades of adulthood.

  13. Stella Mayfair says:

    I’d like to take a look at that 9 year old’s blog, but it’s by invitation only…

  14. WendyB says:

    This made me laugh out loud: “I hate all of you! This is why it’s so hard to get a babysitter!” It explains a lot! By the way, I saw the most awful, awful teenager (in real life) a few days ago. I wish I could have unleashed you on her.

  15. Juri says:

    Listen up, kids!! I would kill myself if the only thing I could see, looking back at my life as a 15 to twenty-something, would be talking about cashmere leggins or playing an editor for some epic online/offline magazine.
    We should start selling lecture tours for junior high schools, Sister Wolf. We would give some epically fierce lecture series and save many a young lives to drug-abuse followed by a period of growing up!

  16. annemarie says:

    Sister Wolf– you’re a fucking genius and you should rule the world.

    Michelle– I don’t think posting pictures of yourself preening in various outfits counts as a “productive” use of time. It’s definitely less dangerous than sniffing glue and running around town with a knife, but that’s not the only other option you know.

    Stella Mayfair and andrea: I clicked on that link earlier today and it opened fine. Then I went back because I didn’t fully believe what I was seeing the first time, and it had turned to that invite-only thing. Wonder what happened there…

  17. Bex says:

    Lovely pic! Although the ciggie, not so much.

    I was at boarding school at 14, fending for myself. The only thing I was editing was the school mag.

  18. hammie says:

    Yes, I got the invite only thing too. I wonder did some of you visit and leave a message that got it closed off? Greatest thing about having a 9 year old girl with autism is that she won’t buy into all that fashion and bullying if you don’t have genuine uggs and a Chloe bag thing. Hey, she doesn’t even like Hannah Montana!!

    I am so glad I didn’t have a Birkin Bag when I was 15! Imagine having nothing in life to yearn for when you are old enough to afford and enjoy it.

    And Sisterwolf, you should be in the National Portrait Gallery. You should have been Warhol’s muse, Mick Jagger’s girlfriend. You are excellent. xx

  19. baba says:

    laughing out loud

  20. andrea says:

    I just went back to the 9 year old’s blog and she must have made it invitation only because of all of us looking at it! I read the whole thing before she did that and it was disturbing and intriguing at the same time. I wonder what her parents are like. How does a 9 year old come to know Ann Demeulemeester unless Ann is her mother or aunt or cousin? Too bad we can’t view it anymore.

  21. Braindance says:

    That last sentence killed me, a genuine belly laugh.

    I would rather have a babysitter who is going to let the children stay up late eating snacks and watch Never Ending Story, than one who uses my computer to wax un-lyrical about wang this and concept shoe that.
    I have room for one style blog in my life, you know who you are Queenie.x

  22. Queen Michelle says:

    Annemarie “posting pictures of yourself preening in various outfits” (if that’s how you wish to look blogging, which I assume you are since running a magazine doesn’t involve this) has actually been very productive for me personally, so I suspect it might be productive for a 15 year old. Of course, you don’t have to like it and you don’t need to look at it.

  23. Jill says:

    I wish we were neighbors!
    Ps…love the daisies

  24. Sister Wolf says:

    Make do- Too damn right!

    Moda -Of course, to your last point.

    dust – I don’t know, I think one needs to try to shock, or at least challenge existing norms, to be a rebel.

    OMGGMAB – Hahahahahaha! xoxoxo

    Danielle – Thank you for the back up!

    andrea – Shit, I didn’t get to see it. It must be cached somewhere….

    WendyB- You should’ve taken a photo, at least.

    Juri – I’m in. Have your people contact my people.

    annemarie – I do need to rule the world, asap.

    Bex – But I’ll bet you weren’t posing with hand to face!

    HAmmie – Oh my, you almost made me cry. Stop it.

    baba – Me too, hahaha!

    andrea – Jesus, really, Ann D? That’s really, really fucked up.

    Braindance – All my babysitters wore stuff from garage sales, bless them.
    All stoners, too, for the most part.

    Queen Michelle -Hey, you were busy being a little head-banger when you were 15! That’s productive!

    Jill – I wish that. too.

  25. Sister Wolf says:

    WAIT – I found the little girl’s blog! In the newer posts, she photoshops her head (or someone’s head) on to pictures of models! You go, crazy little kid!

  26. Mark says:

    I’ll say it for you: Teens, including Palin teens, try anal! You won’t get pregnant! Sure you can get warts, herpes, HIV, and scores of other STDS, but it’s better than what you’re up to now.

  27. Mark says:

    I was about to look at the 9 year-old’s style blog. I felt like a pervert, even though if you looked at my porno folders, you’d quickly see that I prefer big hairy men to little girls.

  28. WendyB says:

    The camera would have broken. Trust.

  29. crocodilian says:

    I’m thankful not to have cared about fashion when I was a teenager… truth be told, I often wish I didn’t care about it now (in my twenties). I agree with whomever said there are more “productive” things to be doing with your youth – not to mention your LIFE – than blogging about fashion, but I think there is a balance. I think that as long as it is something you do genuinely for pleasure and aesthetic appreciation, then that’s great. If it’s something that you do for the approval of others, and it consumes all your time, money, and thoughts…. then that’s a little embarrassing (at fifteen, or any age) and you should indeed try anal.

  30. crocodilian says:

    PS: I like the crown of daisies.

  31. Aja says:

    Yesterday my friend and I pulled apart two little boys who were fighting in her back alley, swearing at each other and still trying to throw blows as we stood between them. We made them talk it out, shake hands, then we gave them ice cream and sent them on their way. We sat back, drank our wine and sighed “goddammit we’re old”. But writing fashion blogs with the enthusiasm of a full grown adult with a boring day job? What the hell is wrong with this youth?

  32. andrea says:

    Minors shouldn’t be posting pictures of themselves and close ups of their feet online so perverts with foot fetishes and pedophiles have another avenue to pursue for getting off. That said by my DAUGHTER.

  33. What an amazing photograph of you Sister Wolf! My hero! At 15 I was sneaking into nightclubs, hanging out with rock n rollers, wearing whatever I could find at the thrift or DIY. I did know all the designers as fashion was always something I was interested in, but music was my main love. And unfortunately I am blessed with the nickname “Raven Song” as I seem to croak when I sing, so the best way for me to be involved was to get as close as possible to those who made music I loved. Perhaps those days are over, and this is what teens have left to get excited about? Kinda sad… I also find it odd that teens post pics of themselves online for any perv to see. I’m so careful not to post pics of my gorgeous young daughter in fear of predators.

  34. gigi says:

    LMAo!! Now there’s a fresh take on things.
    I gotta agree with the poster above me that I also find it pretty weird how they post so many pics of themself online wearing all kinds of stuff. Ick. God knows who’s watching/getting off on them.

    At the same time I find it refreshing to see some girls out there who unlike me.. Didn’t go thru the whole get drunk/partyrebel/date potheads stage.. It was fun though. :p

  35. Classic mad in this one! Babysitting line is killing me. My husband used “epic” almost correctly in a sentence yesterday morning while cooking me a huge breakfast, and I had the nerve to yell at him.

  36. Hear hear! When I was 15, I used to go to a disgusting, scummy rock club in a second-hand leopard miniskirt and these lurid 80s stilettoes that I’d buy for a tenner a pair, under the impression that I was Debbie Harry. Me and my two-tone hair took a few more years to get switched on to high fashion, that’s for sure.

    (Could we make “Maybe try anal?” a standardised suggestion from now on? I see an agony aunt column in the pipeline. There wouldn’t be any surprises amongst the answers, but by God, I’d read it anyway.)

  37. (Also, I assume the bit about “mum’s shoes” was a reference to that Sea Of Shoes blog, which makes me feel depressed every time I look at it. How can someone of 16 own every covetable designer shoe under the sun?)

  38. jennine says:

    when i was 15 i was still figuring out which bands to write on my backpack. in retrospect i should have just covered my backpack with ‘milli vanilli’

  39. This post makes me wish we were friends! Oh wait… I love you!

  40. Erin Serres says:

    I really like this article.

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