Still under the influence of bad hair, I was informed by KOS of an online fashion mag whose editor is 15 years old. Sure enough, it’s all about high-priced ‘avant garde’ designers and models whose hands are THIS CLOSE to touching their faces, with text like “combining armorial pieces with organic materials…” Wait a minute, do they really mean armorial, which means “pertaining to heraldry” or do they mean “armor-like?”
Take a look at the young Sister Wolf, a poor little hippie girl at age 14. Check the velvet thriftshop dress, the crown of daisies, the elegant cigarette.
Do I know what I’m talking about, people?!
All you horrible teenage fashion girls, listen up. Stop blabbing about Rodarte and Rad Hourani and your fucking shoes and your mom’s shoes, go out and smell the roses! Put them in your hair and buy a pack of fucking cigarettes! Find a new way to be pretentious, for the love of god! I hate all of you! This is why it’s so hard to get a babysitter!
These girls are too busy talking about “leggy cashmere playsuits” and not spending enough time experimenting with drugs. Better to be sexting with their BF’s than squandering their precious youth on being epic in their fierce wedges and expounding on the timelessness of the Birkin bag.
Two words for you girls: Shut Up. (I was going to say “Try Anal,” but then I thought better of it.)