A Bad Hair Day

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When I’m not happy with my hair, nothing else matters. I am acutely fixated on the not-goodness of my hair. I tried lightening it to a brown color, forgetting how stubborn my hair is about staying black. It is now a patchy brown and black with gold streaks. It is dry and dull looking. Hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair.

My husband says I’m just tripping, my hair looks fine. Today I saw my brother-in-law who observed: “I like your hair better black!” before I even had time to register my hair complaint.

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Nothing I do will ever restore my hair to its former state. I have made a blunder of unfathomable proportions. No one will ever love me again. I am shit. I am less than shit, I am the shit with bad hair. I am a Greek tragedy, taken down by my own vanity like Narcissus. The gods are laughing about my hair. They’re going, “Haha, look what that stupid bitch did to her hair! She asked for it!”

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I will spend a fortune that I don’t even have on hair conditioners that promise impossible results. I will scrutinize my hair for signs of breakage. I will hate every woman with shiny hair. (WendyB, put on a turban!) I will be humbled by the bald heads of courageous chemo-therapy patients. Then I will return to feeling bad about my awful brownish hair.

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24 Responses to A Bad Hair Day

  1. Queen Marie says:

    3 words!
    black. henna. now.

    instant shine and instant blackness or else you can send me to my own tower.
    If you can’t get any, tell me and i shall dispatch some from The Kingdom asap.

    I feel your pain xxx

  2. Ooo poor Sister Wolf, the world is truly a very sad place when you feel like your hair sucks! Have any hair stylist friends that can help you out? Honestly going back to black isn’t that difficult, you just have to make sure every inch is covered so that it doesn’t come out patchy again. As an ex hair/ makeup stylist, I’ve done hideous things to my hair (those in the “biz” are notorious for disregarding the rules) but it can always be fixed! Having started to go grey at the tender age of 16, I’m almost completely white-haired now — that is if I wasn’t too vain to allow it to go au naturel! And I bloody well hate being blonde, but its easiest for hiding regrowth. I want my crazy Manic Panic green hair again!

    Oh look at that, now I hate my hair too. You’re in good company.
    XXX Suzanne

  3. WendyB says:

    How much of this bad hair can be lost in a trim? That’s where I always start….get rid of some of it!

  4. andrea says:

    We are the same people, I swear! That is, until I found 2 of the best hair people on the planet! I NEVER, ever have a bad hair day anymore. I have to backtrack and tell you that I have been obsessed with my hair since I can remember- my mom took me for a “pixie” cut when I was about 4 or 5 and I wouldn’t come out of the house! Since then, I have searched high and low for someone who can do my hair (colorwise and cutwise, since I now have tons of grey). I had lived out of New York, where I currently live and I am originally from, for over 10 years, and when NY was within driving distance, I came in once a month to tend to my locks, so obsessed was I. (The shopping wasn’t bad either). When I moved back, I fortuitously met my current stylist (and also friend), Michelle, who just “gets” my look and my hair type. She does a ton of many models, designers, and celebrities (not that I’m impressed with that but just to let you know the caliber of her work). Email me and I’ll tell you who she does so you can check out her work. My colorist, Larry, is a genius and has restored my color to what it was before it was grey. He takes into account your eye color and your skin tone, and just has an innate sense for what looks good on you, and only you. If you come to NY for a visit, I will take you to them and you will be amazed. They all used to be at Bumble and Bumble, which is/used to be THE place for the best cuts and color (Estee Lauder bought them a few years ago and it is losing its edge), and just recently opened their own salon in the West Village. And Michelle is now bicoastal, having just moved to San Francisco part- time, where she is creative director at a salon there where she is originally is from. So she is near you! If you want the info let me know and I will connect you to her. I can SO relate to your issues with your hair. And I love Queen Marie, but DO NOT put henna on your hair- she has different texture than you and if you hate it, it is almost impossible to remove. Also, Michelle does my daughter and she looks like a rock star, even though you know she is about as far away as you can get from a rock star.

    I totally understand that if your hair looks like shit, you feel like you are shit. But take it from me- there is hope!

  5. andrea says:

    Forgot to add- Also put it in braids, down or Heidi style, or a ponytail/messy bun, and you will look chic and instantly better to the outside world.

  6. sam says:

    Oh dear m’dear…been there soooooooooooo many times, I feel your pain and cringe at my memories!
    Never despair I think queen Marie has the wisest words.

  7. David Duff says:

    Cheer up, hair today, gone tomorrow!

    (I know, I know, that’s one of those ‘jokes’ that leaves you feeling worse rather than better.)

  8. Bex says:

    You should trim it and start over! Like WendyB said!

  9. WCGB says:

    No, don’t trim. I vote black henna.

  10. Bevitron says:

    If I tell you to just suck it up and go boldly out into the world anyway coz in just a few short years it’ll all be grown out and you won’t be shit anymore, are you gonna bitch-slap me into oblivion?

    Okay, I won’t say that. I do SO identify. Mine has been purple, green, and magenta, amongst other non-human colors, and not on purpose. And the CUTS I’ve had to endure!
    If I tell you that these days I just screw my blunt-cut shoulder-length non-style up on top of my head and clip it and get compliments from out of nowhere on account of my grey blending in so well with the natural dark blonde that it looks like a REALLY professional highlighting job, are you gonna kick my ass up and down the boulevard and take my lunch money?

    Okay I won’t say that.
    I like the idea of a trim. And be really super nice to yourself; you’re wounded and fragile. Seriously. Luxurious ice cream, perfect honeydew with a squirt of lime, mocha brownies, foot massage. Maybe all at once. I hope you get all better.

  11. hammie says:

    Well, you could go on one of those makeover shows and get paid to get it fixed? then blow that shit open with a hard hitting expose in the NY times – at 3$ a word – solve 2 birds with one stone.
    You are in great shape with beautiful skin and could probably carry off a shorter style, although it might break your heart more as you wouldn’t feel you. You could wear a hat?

    I only just got mine cut after a year of Hairdresser-a phobia from my last Mullet-esque, walk out of the salon in a hat, haircut.

    I sat down in front of the mirror and actually said to the cutter, “keep saying to yourself, NO MULLET!”

    xx

  12. Deni says:

    SW, I wish I could something! A buzz cut? A wig? A merkin? Winning the lotto? A time machine? Wouldn’t it be great to be 18 again, and not have to deal with all these time and money wasting issues?

  13. Jill says:

    Try Abba shampoo and conditioner…I swear by it.

  14. editor says:

    oh lord lady, why’d you do it???
    no, nothing can probably help your poor stripped, striped and sad hair. but you could do all you can to try and make it up to the hair – as a hair-obsessed nut myself, i would recommend that from now on you put in conditioner BEFORE you shampoo (on dry hair. condition, wait a minute or 3, wet hair, but don’t actively work on rinsing out the conditioner, apply shampoo, rinse, then condition as you regularly might), and of course after, and then a leave-in. oh, and wouldn’t dying it black help a bunch too, because you’d be depositing color/chemical into the damaged shafts that need the extra support.
    i was having a lousy hair week myself, even booked an appt for an unnecessary trim but then i realized i’d rather spend that money on a new hat, so i went into the bathroom and trimmed my bangs myself and felt utterly reborn.
    bought myself a hat today.
    (you might want to do the same…)

  15. Sister Wolf says:

    Noa – Isn’t it?! It is the work of Charlie le Mindu.

    Queen Marie – I am old friends with henna. It’s so drying, don’t you find???

    Suzanne = Shit! You should post a picture of your hair, now I’m fascinated!

    WendyB- The whole thing is involved. All of it.

    andrea -Oh god. Guess what the problem is with all that great advice: it starts with NO and it ends with $$

    sam – Thank you for your kind thoughts.

    David – Oh, that’s easy for you to say, you’re a man in long johns.

    Bex – I know you’re right. But.

    WCGB – I don’t want to trim!

    Bevitron – Oh yes yes, that last part is good!!!! Someone in my house (long story) actually defaced my ice cream tonight. Sad but true. Btw, are you a geisha??

    Hammie – If I had your face, none of this would matter.

    Deni – Yep, hair took care of itself at 18.

    Jill – Okay, good!

    editor – Wow, what a great tutorial. You should do one on eyebrows, too. xo

  16. dewayne says:

    how do you deface ice cream? i’m a guy, and yes i care about my hair, but not that much. i don’t have bad hair days. i have “don’t care” days.

  17. Sister Wolf says:

    dewayne – You put stuff in the ice cream carton that your mom will look at and go, Jesus, now I have to throw this out.

  18. I’ve always wanted glossy black hair but being born blonde I’ve had no choice in the matter. Let Queen Maire dispatch the henna henceforth and allow me my envy once more!

  19. sam says:

    Maybe you’re over it all now but I just thought, Daniel Field natural hair dyes are excellent…think its a UK based company, but tinternet should produce results. I love their colours as they are so rich and did I mention natural-not tested on animals?

  20. I sympathize Sister. I’ve had crazy white woman, afro-hair my whole life and have yet to find a suitable style for it that lasts more than a day. But I can’t imagine any hair cut or color could ruin your beautiful face. Really.

  21. Sue says:

    Nooooo, henna is not drying! In fact I find henna one of the most gentle colouring products on the hair. Get some from an Asian store they are usually sold to Indian women so maybe you should try those.

    BTW, I have the exact same problem yo. NO FREAKIN COLOUR can change my black hair but hydrogen peroxide =.= I also have shiny black hair which limps like a dead squirrel so at least you get volume.

  22. ambika says:

    I am with you on the impossible results but will buy the conditioner anyways. My frizz knows no bounds & I’ll do anything to tame it.

  23. How do you make your blog site look this good! Email me if you can and share your wisdom. I¡¯d be thankful.

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