Heil Melania!

heil melania

Let’s take a break from the Donald and turn our attention to his glamorous wife, Frau Trump.

If you missed Greta Von Susteren‘s probing interview with Melania Trump, you’re in for a treat! From the moment Greta asks if it’s true she speaks several languages, and Melania confirms this fiction in broken English, it is pure fawning bullshit.

The more I get to know Melania, the more I feel compelled to adopt her heavy accent and delivery, which is like Zsa Zsa Gabor after a lobotomy. Once I start channeling her, it’s hard to let it go.

When Greta asks her if she’s okay with the nasty fight between her husband and Hillary Clinton, Melania says smugly,

Eetz chust beezinuss.

What a perfect wife for Donald Trump! A steely heartless moron who sold her Slovenian soul for a hideous penthouse and some Louboutin heels.

How many dicks did she suck to make it to the top of her third-rate modeling career and get invited to a party where men like Trump could ogle her? I say this with all due respect.

I have already written about Melania for my day job here, here and here, but I just can’t quit her. I am fascinated by her transformation, and by her self-satisfaction. Like her husband, she feels entitled to everything the world has to offer, including the White House.

heil melania

And like her husband, she has no idea of how stupid she is, which I find incredible. Why doesn’t she know? Someone needs to sit her down and explain.

And you know what, her antisemitism is icing on the cake. Please enjoy her while you can.

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9 Responses to Heil Melania!

  1. annemarie says:

    Jesus, you weren’t lying. That really was a treat.
    Melania, derivative of Melena (see below), is one of those lucky people who is too stupid to know she’s stupid.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melena

  2. I have not taken the time to read anything about her and somehow have missed hearing her speak. Too focused on the Don circus, I guess. So thank you! Wish I had something witty to add. I just feel like I need to locate my Costco-sized bottle of Tums right now. Hopefully, (no pressure, esp. after your Sitelock Shitstorm) you’ll calm the collective nausea with a Hideous Denim post. Certainly, there’s a magazine cover out there, somewhere, with Melania/Melena sporting something post-worthy.

  3. Bevitron says:

    Holy shit! Breathtaking cluelessness.

    She and her excruciatingly stupid husband have obviously both had the same dental therapy that has caused their grills to glow eerie neon white, from within. Radium, maybe? One can hope…

  4. Sisty says:

    Does she have that same slitty-eyed expression in every photo?

  5. emily says:

    They both speak with the eloquence of a toddler.

    That judge is a very bad judge. Very bad. -D

    Dat judge ees a vetty bad judge. Vetty bad. -M

  6. Dana says:

    Why is she always squinting?

  7. Sisty says:

    Sis explains the squint at her day job — go back to the original post and you’ll see the link.

    Nice going, Sis, on getting the day job! Are you making millions of dollars a month while working from home?

  8. Dj says:

    Don’t forget, this stupid woman got a platinum green card…

  9. Debbie says:

    How many dicks did she suck to make it to the top of her third-rate modeling career and get invited to a party where men like Trump could ogle her? I say this with all due respect.

    TRUER WORDS WERE NEVER SPOKEN.

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