All my devoted trolls are demanding that I go away and mourn. But the problem is, there’s no way to implement this. Mourning isn’t a thing you do in a black dress. Maybe they want me to spend all day at a cemetery. But it doesn’t matter where I am, it’s all the same barren place, a place I’d rather not be.
I am going through the motions, because that’s all I know how to do. I could take to my bed and never get up again. I’m not ruling that out. It just seems unfair to my family. I don’t know how to have a nervous breakdown or I’d gladly have one.
I don’t want to “recover” because mothers who bounce back after the death of a child seem despicable. How could anyone “move forward” after this? What would be the point?
I don’t know what to do besides cry or distract myself. I’m still waiting for him to come back. When he does, I’ll try not to scold him for putting us through this. Meanwhile, I have to pick out a grave marker and then try to pay for it.
I started blogging as a way to express myself. Now, it’s a way to escape myself.
If one more moron whines about my “negativity” or complains that I “hate on” people, I’m going to lose my fucking temper. You can’t hate “on” people. But I might have to learn how.
I’m glad you’re here, hating (not on) people to your heart’s content.
My partner was murdered four years ago. One way his mother and I like to mourn is to refer to everyone as cunts. It is very soothing. xxx
Distraction is why I continued blogging quite soon after my mum died and, even now to a degree, I blog to distract myself from heartaches and stresses. There is nothing wrong with it, regardless of what you write about – write what you want, write about who you want because if people actually understood the pain of loosing someone they’d realise it takes all your strength to not just take to your bed and disappear in a whirlwind of anguish.
They might then also understand that if you are using all your strength to cope and try and do normal things amidst the grief, it is possible to retain the part of you they saw on the blog before you were forced to go through the process of grieving. This blog has always had playful, sarcastic and observational commentary on other people and just because you are mourning doesn’t mean you have to stop being you.
I still don’t understand how people can actually lack empathy to the point where they get judgemental about how someone else handles grief. What gives, humanity? I tend to get really organised and all business in times of emotional extremis, and I know that people interpret that as inappropriate – but how the fuck can it be inappropriate if it helps you get through the day and keep it together for your family?
Besides, I’m with Wendy – glad you’re here!
I had a nervous breakdown once and it sucked. It sucked even more once I recovered to find that the same shit was still there waiting for me. Take to your bed if you need to Sister Wolf, don’t feel that you need to be strong for everyone else.
Your life now has a different shape, you have to grow into it and adjust to it and it will take time.
I’d also like to agree with everything wise Queen Michelle said.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!?!?! Sorry for the shouting, but this makes me so mad. You are going through a terrible time of your life, dealing with it as best you can, and most of your readers are right behind you. I truly don’t understand how anyone could be so heartless as to think that now is the time to have a go at you. This is the internet; these trolls don’t need to be here, and in fact no-one wants them here. I find the whole thing really despicable. Rant over. You know you have the support of a lot of normal, nice people out here in internet-land. Keep on cunting x
Screw the lot of them. Hairy troll fools.
I like to do my hating on a chair. Preferably with some coffee.
Your blog helps me get through the days as I deal with my own mourning. It is soothing to read from someone who is also angry and “hates on people”. If these trolls were actually as good or perfect as they think they are, they wouldn’t be here telling you how to live your life…they would be out saving children in Africa. Fuck them. Nothing I hate more than self-righteous fucks. If I wasn’t an atheist, I would pray to God to kill them all.
Do what you need to do. Period. You don’t have to be strong, you don’t have to get over it, and most of all, you don’t have to answer to anyone, least of all trolls who don’t even know you.
I am here for you always and wish I could help you deal with this awful thing that’s happened.
Why do people get so precious about “negativity”? Man, if I had any sort of talent for writing in a witty or entertaining way, I would definitely have a blog where I just “hate on” everything, if that means what I think it means. I didn’t realise there were so many people on the internet who have such delicate sensibilities and interpret righteous Internet-raging as some sort of debilitating affliction or some desperate cry for help.
I’m lucky enough to have a pretty good life, I have loving friends and family, I have a decent job in scientific research that allows me to contribute towards hopefully eventually treating or curing some mental disorders, I lead a constructive existence and I appreciate what I’ve got. I also enjoy raging angrily about short people with stumpy legs who walk too slowly in front of me, or people who ring the bell on the bus before it has even left the current stop, or morons posting comments on food blogs and who read the instructions for a cheesecake that include the step “Bake in the oven for 40 minutes” and then ask “So is this a frozen cheesecake?”. At least being negative about people like Sea is even more legitimate than being negative about stumpy-legged people or people who don’t understand basic cooking principles, since Sea just embodies a completely absence of constructive contribution to society.
Being negative about stuff isn’t an inherently bad thing, and I think of the trolls that turn up here as being quite simple-minded, since they seem to live in a black-and-white world where everything should be happy no matter what and criticism is an inherently bad thing. They can fuck right off.
grief is possibly the most personal thing a human being will ever know. whatever you need to do now, do it. it is nobody’s business but yours alone.
Fuck them. You don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. I did not go through a major loss or emotional upheaval recently, and I still, just like Jess, “hate on”. Besides, if the trolls expect a little miss Sunshine posts on the blog “Godammit, I’m mad”, they well deserve the hating.
I often wonder about why people feel it’s ok to chastise you, then do exactly what they are chastising you for on your own site. Makes little sense.
A negative loop of their own making, yet they foolishly blame you for it.
These people fit into the catagory: Absolutus Moronicus (actual Latin, honest)
If you do not understand satire, sarcasm, the joy of language, healthy rage, mockery with a purpose and a mothers need to reach out for something other than darkness, then please, come back when you do.
If that is too tall an order, at least rub some braincells against each other before you start throwing round judgemental, non logical mouth farts you picked up watching Montell, Sally Raphael et al.
Your trolls are fuckwits full of fuckwittage. I find your strength inspiring. Loss is loss, and I don’t think time makes it any easier. The very least we can do is recognize it for what it truly is.
I think it is good to mourn although I never really mourned in the “proper sense” after my father died. I, at 21, had to deal with his estate and his estranged and inconsiderate family. So I know what it is like to rather escape than mourn. Maybe you feel strain to mourn the way others want you to? If so, fuck the rest, mourning is a tricky thing that is individual to one’s self. There is no right way.
PS. I feel like the trolls around here are making some sort of living off of trolling this blog because they comment more often than most of the fans of this blog. To all trolls: Get a life already!
You are right where you are supposed to be. This is your process, and no one has a place to tell you what you should be doing or how you should be feeling, or when. Grief is difficult enough to go through without having pressure to stop your life, and act a specific way.
One of my friends was going through a horrible and dark time last year. She was also grieving among other things. She lives in New Orleans in the middle of the French Quarter, and he only thing that brought her a smile or anything resembling joy in that time, was to throw barbies (she acquired a box of them from her work) over her balcony and watch the drag queens pick them up, fix their hair, and carry them off to safety.
Be where you are.
Hey, who cares what a troll thinks anyway? They couldn’t cope with one tenth of one percent of what you’re going through. Fuck ’em. They’re all inadequate little shits who wouldn’t DARE speak to you in real life. Godammit rules!
Well, you were always a hateful bitch, now you just have an excuse for it. I think that’s what people are trying to tell you.
Dear Sweet Sister,
Perhaps Billy Shakespear came close by saying;
“TAKE AND CUT HIM UP IN LITTLE STARS AND HE WILL MAKE THE FACE OF HEAVEN SO FINE, THAT ALL THE WORLD WILL BE IN LOVE WITH NIGHT AND PAY NO WORSHIP TO THE GARISH SUN.”
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal.
My great grandmother “took to her bed” when her husband was run over by a car and died. She was in the bed for 25 years. 25 years of uselessness to all those that were still alive. You do what you gotta do, Sister.
I love what arline said about the Barbies.
God, Winter Bird, really lovely. Equally as heart wrenching is the image Sister chose to illustrate this piece. Both have touched my heart first thing on Monday morning – what a way to start the week. jcd
I am with Braindance. Who are these idiots who think they have a right to make your decisions? Who are they to impose their idiocy onto you?
It is your website, you have all the freedom to do whatever you wish to with it. For the life of me I do not understand why the morons need to attack you, when you are going through such a terrible phase.
Besides, is there really a “convention” for mourning? What is wrong with the world?!
I say, SW, do not give these trolls the satisfaction of riling you. Let’s be honest here, that is ALL they wish to do, really.
You are so wonderful, and I’m still so sorry this has happened/is happening. I would love to hear more about you and your family. But you know what? It’s your blog. Do what you want to.
Back in the day, some friends and I used to get tremendous satisfaction from calling certain people “fat bitch,” spoken with vehemence. You’re welcome to use it if it works for you.
Hate on. You do what you need to do. What ever takes your mind off the horror. Although not losing a child, i was laid off last year and spent an inordinate amount of time researching weird Japanese fetishes online. I became obsessed with tentacle porn. That is right. Ladies being ravaged by octopi. There is a world of fascinating strangeness at out finger tips.
Trolls are trolls, Sister, people have different ways of mourning and if yours is to get angry, so be it- I agree 100% with what Braindance says. Sometimes escaping into the computer is all one can do. I blogged most frequently at a time when I was seriously depressed for much the same reasons, and putting up a blog post two days after a friend had been murdered was just a way for me to distract myself from heartache and shock.
The last few days have taught me a thing or two about how touchy people can be about even the slightest hint of criticism (I left a comment somewhere that I didn’t even register as critical in any way of the blogger whose post it was, and returned to find a response from another commenter telling me to “shut up” and other things besides- REALLY mild compared to what you face all the time, but a revelation nonetheless). Are we really such coddled wusses that we believe all criticism is= hatred? The thing that really puzzles me, though, is why so many of the commenters who decry your mockery of people and blogs for being “negative” or “hateful” are trolls themselves. Please don’t let them get you down, we love you and the trolls can go back to their caves or whatever they live in.
They neither have the imagination, nor the heart, nor the sense of humour required to see how calling people out on their own despicable nature can be incredibly rewarding, and calming. Particularly when you’ve got a void that will never be filled – I feel like I’m somehow righting the wrongs of the world when I recognise another’s cuntishness, because it’s nearly all wrong, and you’ve got to claw back the justice wherever you can. It won’t bring my Dad back, I know, but what happened to him was utterly unjust and I find I need an activity to try and get a sense of cosmic balance.
And those people telling you to go away and mourn are fucking freaks, seriously. Fuck them. How the name of arse does anyone judge someone else’s grief? “Oh, you’re not grieving enough or in the right way, THIS is how you do it”? Who the fuck are these people? What a shower of knobjockeys. I don’t believe in Hell, but if it exists there’s a special corner of it reserved for the likes of them marked “Mindless twatty busybodies”.
(By the way, and your blog is amazing. Please keep doing exactly what you’re doing xx)
After my Mum died I had just the same feeling, that she had gone abroad but was inconsiderately neglecting to write, and I kept wondering when she’d be back, and felt lik telling her off for leaving us all hanging about, waiting.
As everyone above has said, please don’t let those stupid cunts get to you. We love you, and whatever you feel like doing is just what you should be doing.
*like (sorry, my “e” key doesn’t work very well).
No one can tell you how or for how long to mourn. Don’t forget that.
Arline – I love your beautiful and strange story. That’s simply wonderful.
SW, we’re here for you and we love your style. Keep on keepin’ on.
I don’t get trolls. They say they don’t like the negativity, then why the fuck are they reading a blog with a title like “Godammit I’m Mad”? And complaining about “negativity” is just spewing more negativity so they’re just as bad as those they condemn. Duh. Oh wait no one ever said trolls get irony. Ignore the trolls. You have so many of us who are here because we love what you do and how you do it, and are in full support of you. However, I hope you don’t “take to your bed”, then who would irritate the trolls? (;
XXX
Suzanne
How dare you do the only thing you know how and do it the only way you know how.
Fuck the rest.
What the fuck. I seriously can’t comprehend that there are REAL people behind these troll aliases. How horrible and fucking insensitive do they have to be to spin such rubbish? Are they not ashamed of themselves? I’m not quite sure how people can live comfortably knowing they are such fucking morons. You have every right to mourn however you damn well please, and not have to justify it to anybody. Anyone with half a brain would know that your suffering has absolutely no comprehendible limits, and anything you do, don’t do, say or don’t say, post or don’t post about would every come close to being a reflection of what is going on in your heart right now. All my love xo
I love this blog because it is the most refreshing, honest read on the internet. It helps bring the endless, vacant consumption we spent the rest of our time reading about into the real world.
You (we) should be criticising this shit. It stinks. It’s not real. Hate on.
Don’t stop. Distract yourself with whatever works. This is distracting. I think whoever writes it spends a lot of time on Etsy, but, if you’ve ever lost a small portion of your day on Etsy, it’s worth looking at
http://www.regretsy.com/page/2/
Sister, no one can tell you how to mourn, and each morn differently. I still mourn my brother’s death and it’s been 13 years this year. I will miss him forever, and the same goes for my mum and dad, but differently since they died not as tragically as my brother. I still can’t believe my friend Tom is gone, he died six days before Max, and I can’t even begin to imagine the landscape you visit in your mind at the loss of Max: beautiful, extraordinary, brilliant, talented Max.
Like Winter Bird’s quote from WS, I look up at the sky and see the faces of those that have gone and they fill up the entire sky from horizon to horizon, and I keep them there always looming large and in the heavens.
The Troll-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named is calling YOU, SW, a hateful bitch?!! Buahahahaha!! Look what’s talking!
Don’t listen to anybody; do what YOU need to do. Withdrawing from the world with my own grief led me to suffering with undiagnosed and untreated PTSD for decades. It’s an option but it’s one of the worst options.
Do whatever you have to to get through life.
How dare you indeed Sister Wolf, you big bad bile spouting monster, you! You hateful bitch!!! Can I be the first to volunteer to give you a smack?! ïŠ
I’m not sure why the trolls are falling all over themselves pointing out your “negativity” and “mean spiritedness” in the wake of Max’s death — this blog has ALWAYS included posts that take the piss out of people/things that irritate you in life — including monumentally, dangerously stupid whores of the likes of Sarah Palin, or just some self-absorbed stupid whore with a fashion blog. It’s healthy to get your rage out. That’s what this blog has always been about. And your readers happen to enjoy it — for reasons which many above have pointed out and I think Jess, Braindance, Siobhan and Kazoozoozoo put it especially well. Some people laugh at racist jokes and the like. I think laughing at the content on your blog pales on the ‘evil matrix’ in comparison to that. Plus life is not all fuck yeah peachy keen and filled with pink, glitter, unicorns and cupcakes — so keep bringing us the reality of the shadows Sister.
Stupid cunts make me mad and if I didn’t have this blog to calm me, I may well go out and do something I’d later regret. By the way, every time I see the phrase “hating on” it sends me into an apoplectic rage — it’s right up there with the loud, gob-smacking gum chewing in public places and the failure to employ the correct usage of your/you’re and its/it’s. BethUK — love what you said about doing your “hating on a chair. Preferably with some coffee” — LOL!
I’m not even sure why we’re all trying to justify your writing, and our reading, of the contents of this blog — I think it’s because we love you and want to show our solidarity – but I think it’s almost better if we don’t justify the trolls with a response.
strength to you
i don’t know you
but i know this pain
i enjoy reading your blog
it give me comfort when i am having
a shit day
People who lack common sense, lack compassion. These sociopaths need to find better ways to fulfill themselves rather than trolling blogs and wreaking havoc via comments.
Do you, however you can, and how you want and need to. Your sanity is to be protected for your own sake, no one elses.
For now, I shall leave you with a quote by Liz Lemon from 30 Rock: “Sometimes the right thing and the hard thing are the same thing. I read that on a tea bag.”
Any person telling another how they should grieve has never experienced grief for themselves. I envy their innocence at the hands of luck. Assholes.
Distract away, dear Sister.
i hate fake cheery blogs. those are the worst. the ones that keep it real [pardon the most over-used expression of the decade, but my brain is tired and i can think of no other] are the best.
i have no good advice for dealing with death. none. it is fucking awful, and it is hard to get through it.
do what you need to do… know that you have all of us who care about you and love you and would do anything to protect you.
SW, I am astounded at the sheer levels of venom that has been directed at you since Max died. As many good folk above have pointed out, death does not come in a one size fits all and neither goes grief or mourning. We each do what we can to stay afloat-What ever gets you through.xx
To those of you leaving vile comments:
Do you really get that much of a kick from trolling?
When you walk away from your computer do you get a warm glow from making another person feel like shit? Specifically one who has lost a child and is in the midst of trying to keep everything together.
SW is not being racist, sexist or homophobic. If someone was then fling away. She is merely telling it as she sees it (do you seriously give that much of a shit about Sea or her ilk that you vent at SW?)
If you don’t like what someone has to say then stop reading.
You know what I think about trolls and their justifications. I love what Suzanne aka Punk Glam Queen is spot on. Hello this blog doesn’t say ‘Fashion Hand to Face Poses Here’.
Love you, love your blog and we’d all love you to keep going however you know how xxx
personally, i adore your hateful rants. i’d go bat shiz crazy if there wasn’t someone on the internet who didn’t glorify narcissim.
also. someone tell SEA that you cannot “whip up” biscotti. it takes at least 2 days. oh the lies, etc.
^ ffs. it’s too early, that didn’t make sense. i’m going back to bed.
FUCK WYATT DOYLE.
his baby face whiney comment makes me want to SCREAM.
YOU ARE NOT A WRITER, WYATT DOYLE. WRITING TAKES COURAGE.
SISTER WOLF HAS COURAGE.