I Just Want to be a Winner

Refinery 29 is running a contest, and the prose roped me in:

“Simone is hooking up one lucky reader with an insanely rad, cropped, silk jacket. Just tell us how you’d wear a shrunken moto with your fave summer outfit, and the reader with the best styling skills will get this sweet giveaway.”

They’re announcing the winner tomorrow and I’m all excited.

Actually, no, not excited, more like pessimistic, I guess. I probably should have added one more “moto” to really nail it.

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48 Responses to I Just Want to be a Winner

  1. I’d name you the winner with an answer like that.

  2. Stella Mayfair says:

    the bunny ears are killing it for me.
    err… motobunny?

  3. David Duff says:

    “Just tell us how you’d wear a shrunken moto with your fave summer outfit”

    Sorry, Sis, I’ve already won – I suggested, what else? – long Johns!

  4. skye says:

    Those contests always crack me up – the comments/entries are always so detailed and so earnest, and almost entirely lacking in imagination. I like yours though, because it’s funny. I always like the funny ones.

  5. Queen Marie says:

    Come now Sister, you know God is in the details. You should have said they were BENOÃŽT MISSOLIN bunny ears…

    You know you are always a winner with me. Soppy but true.x

  6. dust says:

    Long Johns, ha, ha, ha!
    Only, if you go to the mad-monkey-boots post, you’ll see that Al Wang has got them branded already. I know, bastard.
    This world is lost, gone moto…
    Or perfecto, to use a posh term.
    Every time I wonder what the fuck am I doing in fashion, you find me a new good reason to keep on going. Soon, we’ll have a web shop up&running and I promise that there will be an item called not-a-moto and all-but-rad, or un-killin’ it. It might sound like nothing much, but every little thing counts.
    Those two poor little creatures above your comment, the one that pours out brand names like it’s supposed to mean something, and the desert bride, they sound like not really a human beings, more like spam.
    If this was a Matrix, I’d delete them for you, asp.

  7. I’m like dust, just when I wonder what the f I’m doing in fashion you gee me up and actually today Mr Duff too – long johns are on the nail, totally rad and killin’ it for me.

  8. niki says:

    i love you Sister Wolf, i truly, truly do

  9. Jill says:

    bunny ears….you so funny!

  10. Mary says:

    Good lord Sister Wolf, what the fuck is going on in the USA? Has death metal become a cool, hipster thing? Really? As one who has always since girlhood, listened to metal in all its variations including technical, death metal, I am flabbergasted!As yet I see no such evidence of Australian hipsters at the metal gigs I attend. Oh no am I going to start seeing these cunts killing it in their moto/whatsits with taxidermy jewellery, wearing a Decapitated tshirt? Bloody hell.

  11. Ann says:

    Judging by the gal modeling the insanely rad moto jacket, the proper way to wear it is with high-rise jeans, no shirt and a trying-for-sultry-but-looking-fucking-stoned expression.

  12. Cricket9 says:

    I think Ann nailed it; too bad she’s not wearing bunny ears though.

  13. Suebob says:

    I am shocked, shocked, to find high-rise jeans disparaged right here in your comments section. As a woman with a 28 inch inseam, I want jeans that come up to my shoulder blades in a feeble attempt to make my legs look longer. Everyone hates on the short-legged.

    PS you are hilarious

  14. Bourbon Drinker Known as MJ says:

    Awesome. You need to add an “insane Christopher Ross” brass monkey belt buckle.

    Interesting comments about metal and hipsters. I was driving the other day and passed a local small concert venue that was presenting “Steel Panther” – the crowd was an interesting mixture of metal heads, gothy-steampunk kids, and hipster boys in jeans so tight that their ‘nads must have been forced up into their bellybuttons. The demographic bothered me at the time and now I know why.

  15. First started the spit take at “Pamela Love” jewelry, but the bunny ears sealed the deal for me! Sheer hilarity factor makes you the winner in my book!

  16. haha! Loved the whole thing, until… bunny ears. *shiver* Where in the world did they come from and how did they end up in fashion??? Je les deteste!

  17. WendyB says:

    How could you be so foolish? EVERYONE can see that this needs at least four motos!!!

  18. dust says:

    Mary, in a long years of doing fashion shows, I never failed to play something deeply dusturbing and hard, even if didn’t fit the collection at all. Fashion authorities approved, the music took the colorful collections to some unknown place and it was always so uplifting and different.
    This year we settle on “softer side”, Rammstein, cos it sounded appropriate for the location and guess what, most of the kids that were showing played some sort industrial and metal. So, they ruined it for us.
    Only, most of our current or ex boys are musicians, they will be pleased to create a soundscape so noisy and brutal, that all champagne filled belies of fashion crowd will have an urge to purge. To fit the music, the collection should be all flowers.
    Average kids are just as dumb as ever and know a deadly f about rage or activism, they’re doing it to bloody fit in and look cool.
    Now I’m really pissed…

  19. Nausicaa says:

    Dear Sister

    After the dominatrix wookie boots of a couple of posts ago, I think what you need to accessorise with isn’t bunny ears, but Yoda ears. Yoda, at the very least, is wise.



    PS: I went to college in an area full of engineering colleges whose students are, to a man, metal fans. Unironic, earnest, idiotic metal fans. It’s been so weird to see hipsters co-opting that style too..

  20. urbain says:

    “a vintage, white ,lacy mini dress (it was actually a Mexican style wedding dress that I altered and shortened)”
    we call it a “Rapido dress” in french patois
    Keep the Simone’s moto jacket, Sister.
    A wedding in Sisters, Oregon, sounds more exotic for me. It’s like watching National Geographic, I’m so curious to meet this tribe, me, le petit français, the missing link between homo faber and gay erectus

  21. ali says:

    I would wear it with my new queen michelle liquids and a moto. cycle. and purple “it” lipstick. and a bad attitude. a gnarlitude, one might say.

  22. Ren says:

    For this and for everything, I love you sister.

  23. Alicia says:

    I actually laughed out loud. HILARIOUS.

    I hope you win.

  24. borninflames says:

    Hello SW darling, I am an infrequent commenter but a frequent reader, and I just wanted to check in to say I really am enormously sorry for your loss. I can’t understand the magnitude of what you’re going through, but I do know what it’s like to lose loved ones far too soon, and you have all my sympathies. Be good to yourself during this time; Max had the blessing of an awesome loving mom and I’m sure he knows it.

    I’m also pleased to see that grief hasn’t mellowed you! The bullshitters of this world still need a good point-n-laugh, or a razor-tongued takedown. Someone needs to tell the emperors they’re stark naked. Glad you’re still here and still snarling.

    In other news, one of my favorite fashion Tumblrs just posted an open call for suggestions of whose fashion to make fun of — thinking of you, I answered Sea of Ill-Advised Layers, of course. Well, the blogger near-instantly delivered not one, but THREE posts on the matter. With my infinite empathies for your pain, I now offer them to you for your snickering pleasure: http://tetradugenica.tumblr.com/

    Take care,

  25. Moi says:

    Dear Sisterwolf, Im a newbie (Ive discovered your blog a week ago) but whatever you are doing, keep on doing it. You make me laugh, you make me smile and most importantly, it feels so good reading everyone’s comment and realizing that Im not the only one.

  26. Moi says:

    … oh and you win. Maybe add a fur trail just to be sure. Otherwise, you are all set.

  27. jd says:

    don’t forget your Jizz nail polish for that touch of class


    epic…rad…killing it…seizures

  28. Aimi says:

    you’d better win with that one! I imagine you’d be totally killin’ it in that rad ensemble like it’s no big deal and being metal as fuck or whilst bragging about opiate addiction whatever

    I don’t know, with a lot of these fashion bloggers who are all about being metal and punk as fuck or whatever these days all I can think of is a panel from Eightball:

    p.s. I just started reading recently and I hope you’re doing well.

  29. Alicia says:

    @borninflames – this tumblr is fantastic.

  30. double moto and bunny ears, how can you not win?

  31. Nati Hell says:

    :’DDDD bunny ears, and “ridiculous” thorn t shirt hahahaha.

  32. Nati Hell says:

    omg…what if you win?? hahahha, it would crack me up if you actually win

  33. Sister Wolf says:

    some bitch won the insane rad jacket! what a fucking cunt! TM

  34. Lauren says:

    ugh, what a cunt! i would have picked you — you had me at “ridiculous torn t shirt with an obscure death metal band logo.”

  35. Question says:

    Did you know you receive more comments on your blog than mom of shoes, now?? Sister, you are a winner.

  36. Sister Wolf says:

    Question – But how many times can people say, “oh judy, I die! you’re so wonderful!”

  37. Sister Wolf says:

    borninflames – Thank you so much for your kindness xo and for introducing me to the baffling world of tumblr! I found Sea’s “secret” tumblr in around 5 seconds,

  38. jemimah says:

    OHMYGOODNESS WHAT IS SEA’S SECRET TUMBLR – if it’s anywhere near as good as her ~grEat stuFF~ post, I’ll have years worth of fun and laughs! Hope you’re doing well, and know that you keep me going strong. Much love,

  39. deja pseu says:

    You are so fucking brilliant. Bunny ears…ha!

  40. Aja says:

    You wuz robbed. You deserved that sick jacket. Especially for the part about the bunny ears.

  41. you’re a real winner. a *moto* jacket wearing, *alex* wang hair shoes-heeled, claw jewelry-loving, winner. just kidding, i’m really talking about gnarly jen.

  42. MsGodarkly says:

    SW check out this teeth jewellery – it just pops outta there!. Gag reflex withstanding. Someone, somewhere will be curating it soon.

    I read your blog with my 18 yrs old daughter and our hearts bleed about your Max. Words are so terribly inadequate. Angela & Darcy x

  43. Angelica says:

    YOU SHOULD HAVE WON. How did they not comprehend the insane amounts of epic radness and killing of it in your outfit?? Clearly they are just a bunch of squares and lamestains.

    I bet if you had said that you would wear it with the Alex Wang hair boots you would have won!

    But seriously, who wears not just a white dress, but an ALTERED WEDDING DRESS, to someone else’s wedding?? Who spells “badass” with dollar signs for the s’s?? WHY???

  44. Nati Hell says:

    @ Angelica: I think that girl is secretly Ke$ha…. that’s the only explanation I can think of

  45. ruby rutabaga says:

    in an insane instance of coincidence, i noticed that the second “contestant” was going to a wedding in sisters, oregon. that’s where i’m from, and if she thinks she’s going to wear clogs and thigh-highs to a wedding in sisters without being ridiculed by puzzled hicks wearing spurs, she need to seriously re-evaluate the situation.

  46. Moi says:

    I know why you didnt win SW. Its because of Mom! Did you know that Mom’s been wearing the Pamela Love claw necklace for almost a year now, she’s soooo avant-garde :

  47. RLC says:

    ” Refinery29, you make this so EASY! I’d pair one of these jaw-dropping shrunken motos with my flowing Vena Cava maxi dress, which I am completely obsessed with – great combination of punk and hippie, perfect for strolling through the grass in the Berkshires. Top it off with my immortal vintage cowboy boots (only for the night – during the day it’s strictly bare toes) – petite and ankle-high – for a truly eclectic summer festival outfit. Hair down and as curly as I can get it – no use in overstyling an already stupendous ensemble. ”
    – Michelle

    Oh SW, your answer was fabulous of course, but how could you have topped Michelle the hippiepunk’s free-spirited strolls through the grass and faultless choice of adjectives? “Immortal”? “Stupdendous”?!

  48. hammie says:

    Desperately clicking like!!!!!

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