I Want to Live in a World Without Ashton Kutcher

“…the creation of Twitter… is as significant and paradigm-shifting as the invention of Morse code, the telephone, radio, television or the personal computer.”

Oh god, if he would only shut up. How does Demi stand it?

“For someone like me who lives in a construct of filtered communication – packaged and polished by the industry that employs me – Twitter has become a new instrument for expressing myself and accessing cultural trends, opinions and information. Twitter is my front door to the Internet and my medium for sharing the content I create while advocating for the causes close to my heart and investing in the connections I want to have with people from all walks of life.”

Yeah, yeah, tell it to the judge. Even though I don’t read his missives or see his TV shows, the fact of his existence is like a dental drill in my cerebral cortex.

What would you like to say to Ashton Kutcher in 140 characters or less?

This entry was posted in Celebrities, Horrible Stuff, Words and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to I Want to Live in a World Without Ashton Kutcher

  1. Dena says:

    I hear ya – he’s a vacuous idiot of the highest order. I wouldn’t say anything to him. Reckon if everyone just ignored him there’s a fair chance he’d just fuck off & die, so I’m doing my bit.

  2. honeypants says:

    Good call Dena. Maybe if someone cut his fingers off? Or at least slapped that self satisfied look off his face.

  3. I was just barely aware of his existence until recently and now I can’t seem to avoid him, what with his camera ads airing every 3 minutes when I’m trying to watch Gossip Girl.

  4. Deni says:

    He’s a twit. A twittering twit.
    I’m sticking to the sci channel and BBC, or better yet, one day soon I will find the balls/guts/nerves to kill my TV (for good . . . no resuscitation . . . no replacement . . . just old fashioned “doing away with”).

  5. annemarie says:

    I don’t know anything about Ashton Kutcher except that he’s hot and that he married an old hot lady, thus breaking all kinds of gender-age rules for which he now gets a free pass to act like an asshole whenever he likes. Go Ashton!

  6. Jill says:

    Twitter is for twats…self absorbed twats!

  7. Deni says:

    Well . . . in partial defense for twitter . . . there was a meeting . . . and someone was able to twitter the goings on at the meeting and keep us little folks (me and my fellow employees) updated. It may have a purpose here and there.

  8. Mark says:

    He should appear in a stupid piece-of-shit romantic comedy with someone like Mandy Moore at any minute. Until then, he needs to shut the fuck up.

  9. Bex says:

    Why they chose him for the TIME mag piece on the Twitter guys is beyond me.

  10. Juri says:

    I have no plans on joining Twitter but I think the Twitter Guys should trade Ashton K in for Courtney Love .

    “The content” he creates while “advocating to the causes close to [his] heart and investing in the connections […] with people from all walks of life” pale miserably in comparison with “Corky’s” insightful tweets.

  11. Queen Michelle says:

    “For someone like me who lives in a construct of filtered communication – packaged and polished by the industry that employs me – Twitter has become a new instrument for expressing myself and accessing cultural trends, opinions and information. Twitter is my front door to the Internet and my medium for sharing the content I create while advocating for the causes close to my heart and investing in the connections I want to have with people from all walks of life.”

    If he wrote that I’ll eat my left shoe. He doesn’t know that many words.

  12. Jill says:

    Queen Michelle rocks!

  13. I have to defend anyone from my home state who’s that good-looking.

  14. hoochiegucci says:

    cuntflaps

  15. hammie says:

    The oldest profession in the world is using twitter. I get a new follower every hour or so who calls themselves “Angelina 1974” and then is mysteriously closed down when I check who it is.
    the first 2 or 3 made it and I couldnt work out why these young ladies were posing for their twitter pic with their knickers showing. Doh!

    So you know those pictures you see in phone boxes in London? they made it twitter before you Sis!
    xx

    maybe that’s why Ashton likes it. He craves a little turkish massage

  16. Lauren says:

    Fuck you, you fuckin’ fuck.

  17. DJ says:

    We are way past twitter. I still cannot fathom why so many people have bought into that craptastic application. Holy boring. Sorry, am I spamming? I’m loving your blogs. Consider I have only replied to about 1% of those which have me in stitches, I think we’re good.

  18. Imelda Matt says:

    Let’s put this into perspective, Kutcher’s greatest cinematic achievement is ‘dude where my car’ and now he’s the voice of digital media. Christ, just fucking shoot me!!!

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