A zoo in Antwerp has asked a woman to stop visiting the chimpanzee she claims to be in love with, in the hope of forcing the chimp to engage with his own species.
Alice Timmermans has been seeing, I mean visiting, the chimp for four years, standing outside his enclosure and exchanging air kisses with him. She says they are in a relationship, and who are we to argue with her? Zoo authorities say the relationship is turning the chimp into an outcast among his peers, who are starting to avoid him.
Alice has taken to social media to protest the zoo’s ban, insisting that the chimp loves her and characterizing their relationship as an affair. The 39 year old chimp has lived at the zoo for thirty years, after his owner surrendered him for “behavior issues.”
Listen, chimpanzees only have a lifespan of around 40 years. WHY CAN’T THEY LET HIM BE HAPPY??
Let him have a private enclosure where he and Alice can continue dating. They may be ready to take the relationship to the next level; it’s been four years, after all. Why this speciesism, Antwerp Zoo? Should we start a Move On petition for Alice and Chita the chimp?? Or a GoFundMe to pay for her to file a lawsuit? The heart wants what it fucking wants, don’t forget, as if we could.
Meanwhile, in Loango National Park, chimpanzees in the wild have started attacking gorillas, behavior that anthropologists have never seen before. Until now, interaction between the two species has been peaceful, even playful on occasion. But these chimps formed coalitions and attacked the gorillas, killing the infants who were separated from their mothers. Fuckers! What is their goddamn problem? Are they mad because they want affairs with attractive humans? Are they sick of being discussed in the media? Can’t we all get along??
Maybe we can.
A lion sanctuary in Harrismith, South Africa, is placing visitors inside Plexiglas cages stationed at the center of the lions’ lair, granting animal enthusiasts a palm-to-paw encounter with their menagerie of 77 rescued big cats.
Tourists are locked inside a “professional photography cage” for 45 minutes, paying around $150 for the chance to snap close-range pictures of the lions as they claw at the enclosure’s acrylic walls. The [cage] is regularly checked by an engineer to ensure it can safely carry the weight (up to 570 pounds) should a lion jump on top of it. And the round breathing holes in the plexiglass cage are “totally safe.”
Hahaha! Totally safe, famous last words.
Isn’t it too binary to have “people” and “animals”? Some people are barely human, and some animals are good people: witness my dog, Boris. Maybe we should reconsider who to fear and who to love.
Or maybe those lions should get together and crush that plastic cage, eat the tourists, and start dating chimps, but not the ones in Loango National Park. Those fuckers are way out of order.
I couldn’t date women with hairy faces and I’m sure a chimp would be horrific if you shaved it.
I’m not against interspecies dating, so long as it’s consensual. We can’t have our courthouses backed up with horseshit and hay when some filly says neigh. Neigh means neigh!
Years ago, there was a show/documentary on bestiality. It was quite the eyeopener. I had no idea you could train a dog to lick your pussy, but the real eyeopener was a guy who started dating a woman who sucked off her horse. He was strangely turned on by it and eventually let the horse ride him (which he found quite uncomfortable as the horse kept biting his back…no mention of the big horse dick in your arse then?)
I’ve probably told you all of this before, Sis. It really has stayed with me.
As for the chimps and apes, I find that very troubling. I was just saying this very morning how odd it was that the whole world seems uncontrollably angry. Now I can’t even go and live with the monkeys for fear of domestic abuse.
In the wise words of Marvin Gaye, What’s going on?
Nobody else could have written this. Boy, I am I glad you’re back!
You are the best! I love and look forward to your posts!