It’s All Vomit

A review in Slate of the new film Brideshead Revisited refers to its “vomitous stupidity.” This is almost like a recommendation, at least as a rental. How stupid does something have to be to achieve vomitousness?

Then, in an instance of serendipity (and I just read that serendipity has been voted Favorite Word somewhere) I received a newsletter from Vice Magazine with some photos of a Black Metal band called Vomit. Dutifully following the vomit trail, I found a site where I can buy a reissured copy Vomit’s important 2007 CD, “Still Rotting.”

Here is the track list:

01. Armies of Hell
02. Damnation Of Sin
03. Dark Abyss
04. Rotting Flesh
05. Demonoid
06. Tormentor
07. Armies Of Hell
08. Sadistic Mind
09. Rotting Flesh
10. Lord Of Death
11. Lust Of Terror
12. Damnation Of Sin
13. Dark Abyss
14. Demonoid
15. Intro/Bloodshed
16. Sadistic Mind
17. Abr
18. Orgie Of Piss
19. Animal Bizarre
20. Boiling Puke

But when I googled Vomit, I kept getting links to a Peruvian Black Metal band called Anal Vomit. They aren’t supposed to be very good, but their first demo was called “Pregnancy Rotten Masturbator.”

This is why it must be fun to be in a Black Metal band. You get to string along all the words that make your parents mad, plus all the words that make people go “eeow!” You get to have silly names, like “Hellhammer.” If you’re in a notorious Norwegian band called Mayhem, you even get to kill yourself or some other band member.

Back to Brideshead Revisited, I never did like the book, despite being a huge fan of Evelyn Waugh. I thought it was stilted and pretentious, quite different from his scathing comic novels. I guess it was kind of vomitous, now that I think about it.

Since revenge is a dish I enjoy either hot OR cold, here is more proof of my exhibitionism, a photo from two years ago, called “Sister Wolf, Metalhead.”

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21 Responses to It’s All Vomit

  1. enc says:

    Detail-freak that I am, I notice that:
    1. There are repeats in the tracklist
    2. “Orgy” is spelled incorrectly on track 18
    3. Track 17’s name isn’t even a real word.

    All this preposterousness makes me want to rush out and buy my own copy. I wonder if I can get Mr.OM to join a band like this, and change his name to RedSteelSpike?

  2. Juri says:

    Boiling Puke!

    It’s strange that as hilarious as these black metal groups and their disciples are, they, just like rappers, completely lack a sense of humour and an ability to laugh at themselves. Has anyone made a Black Metal version of Spinal Tap yet? Somebody should.

    …We chime the bell, chaos and hell
    Metal for maniacs pure.
    Fast melting steel, fortune on wheels
    Brain hemorrhage is the cure
    (VENOM, Black Metal)

  3. stella-mayfair says:

    haaaahahahah! thanks so much for posting this. hellhammer, indeed!

  4. hammie says:

    Excellent. Can I be in your gang?

  5. Tobi Lynne says:

    D’s in a fairly heavy rock band (definitely not ‘metal’), but they have a song called — tentatively, until the singer comes up with words — “Piss Dove”. Named such when someone in the band pissed in a cup during practice one night rather than go downstairs, and then threw the piss out the window … an unfortunate dove happened to fly by right at that moment. And was officially christened “The Piss Dove”.

  6. alias clio says:

    Sister, we’ll have to agree to differ. I love Brideshead Revisited, purple prose and all. Why does prose or anything else have to be lean and mean?

    Most critical opinion is with you, however.

  7. annemarie says:

    years and years ago, when i was a wee small girl, there was a BBC series of Brideshead Revisited starring Jeremy Irons. i have had a massive crush on JI ever since. Check out the darkly brooding eyes, cavernous cheeks and slightly cruel twist of mouth here:
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/nol/shared/spl/hi/pop_ups/05/entertainment_itv_at_50/img/10.jpg
    what a handsome vampire. my kind of man, definitely. death metal would be much better and much more popular with the ladies if they worked more of a nocturnal blood-sucking theme with a tragic twist. way sexier than “orgy of piss.”

  8. Sister Wolf says:

    Enc, you need TWO versions of “Armies of Hell” if you’re a true Vomit fan. I suspect you are just a poser.

    Juri, you cannot parody Black Metal. Like the movie business, it is stupider than we can comprehend.

    Hammie, you’re in. Are you wiling to get our tattoo?

    Alias CLio, I don’t insist on lean & mean! I love Wuthering Heights! Just couldn’t stand BR.

    Tobi Lynne, Piss Dove isn’t Black metal, it would have to be Piss Satan’s Puss or something.

  9. Sister Wolf says:

    annemarie, the young Jeremy Irons was very attractive, WAY more than an Orgy of Piss.

  10. ray says:

    i love your folk style and personnality !! wicked !

  11. ahh, the stupid dark metals. once i went out w/a guy to see a “band” and couldn’t understand why I was the only girl there, until they went on stage and sang “i’m going to rip you from your vagina to your asshole!” Lovely date.

  12. WendyB says:

    What? No “You can’t really dust for vomit” Spinal Tap quote?

  13. Sister Wolf says:

    Nope, but here’s a quote from “Vomit the Soul” by everyone’s fave band Cannibal Corpse:

    “Vipers travel through bodily orifices
    Blessed by the devil under inverted crosses”

  14. hammie says:

    I’m 40 this year so YES. Bring it on! (no snakes)
    xx

  15. Weird, I just remembered “vagina to your asshole” – it was Cannibal Corpse!!!

  16. susie_bubble says:

    It’s not my favourite Waugh book either…but Andrew Davies has butchered it beyond all recognition…I’m gutted to say the least…

  17. and afterwards, they all go home to drink hot tea with a splash of naughty gin, and they wear bedsocks, and put curlers in their long emo rocker hair, and knit scarves for their vanilla bears.

  18. PatrickH says:

    I’m not following the “of” track titles here.

    “Armies of Hell”, sure. Though the second reference should be “Armies of Hell, Slight Return”, or some such. But “Damnation of Sin” doesn’t quite make it, and neither does “Lust of Terror”. Those track titles remind me of the kind of Europop Engrish that lets you know that the group’s first language is not that of we North Ams. Like a-ha’s big hit in the eighties, “Take On Me”, which is okay in the way that “black big dog” is okay, but also not okay in the same kind of not okay way.

    So…I think that Vomit is probably Euro, not Peruvian. Why, I unsure am. But sure am I about the other.

  19. Sister Wolf says:

    You mean “Take on Me” doesn’t mean anything?!? The time I wasted trying to undertand, jesus.

  20. PatrickH says:

    Sister, don’t be mean! I’m a very nice person. You should try harder to be one too.

    Sensitively,
    Patrick

  21. Sister Wolf says:

    But PatrickH, how could I possibly love you more?? You are my very own stalker and protector!

    I am working on the being-nicer. But I need to maintain my Edge.

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