Refinery 29 just launched a Los Angeles-based blog and here is part of today’s post about redheads, written by the editor:
Maybe all the brunettes are lightening up for summer or maybe there’s something appealing about standing out in the So-Cal sea of blonde-and-bronze, but we think this is a hair trend that’s catching on like, well, wild fire. So, when we saw this insanely beautiful new fashion shoot (sent to us by our dear friend, Hamish), we nearly flipped our lid. The editorial, shot in London by expert lens-woman, Kate Cox, captures the photographer’s redheaded friends, and somehow has a totally hippie-esque L.A.-in-the-’70s-vibe to it. We’ve included a few of Kate’s red-hot shots and asked a local go-to hue aficionado to shed some light on how to keep your scarlet locks looking good if you should opt for red trademark tresses–and, trend alert!–you def should!
A local go-to hue aficionado?! Lens-woman?! Scarlet locks?!
Is this why I can’t get a new writing job? Why don’t I just kill myself!
If anyone can write a worse paragraph about redheads, I will devote a post to your literary genius.
Uh oh If I had read that a few hours earlier I may not have died my hair a crazy blood red! Well it makes me happy, blonde was so BORING.
XXX
Suzanne
Oops, distracted from what I was going to say by the excitement of Suzanne’s new ‘do.
But I assure you, what I meant to say was brilliant!
I am so sick of that “blah something like, well, something” construction. Why do these people want to be writers if they can only write like every other moron?
You realize that you are one of the odd ones who actually read that article?
Suzanne, you look wonderful with any hair color!
Here is my paragraph:
As a blonde in SO-Cal I am totally aware of the fact that there are so many other toe heads around. It has become no big deal. Golden locks are no longer special. (Sad face) Realizing this, I decided to contact my local hair hue-ologist for their expert advice. And what was her advise you ask? To acquire a new color of course! According to her, red is the new black- or blonde in this case. Gone are the days where red heads were rumored to have no souls. Firecrotch is an insult of the past! Like OMG! So good to know! I’ll be trying out a new do ASAP. To decide exactly which shade of red (there are SO many from cranberry to crimson) I will be scouring my pantone book! Stay tuned to see which hue I pursue!!
^^^ LMAO! Firecrotch … Most redheads really take offense to being called a ginger- they snap at that one like a rabid animal.
It keeps getting better. At least now the pig-tailed Wendy’s logo chick can feel important again, with her freckles and yarn red hair.
Sister Wolf they need your tousled hair to see the errors of their ways – it would be SO-Cal (I actually thought it was a brand of drink at first being an uninformed US abbreviations Londoner who is sick of the sight of street style/red hair/too cool for school try hardness)
Bad writing is rampant, I read a (terrible) book the other day where the heroines nipples were described as “sharpening’ when she became aroused. Hardening I can see, but sharpening? I guess it would make a good self-defence strategy.
Suzanne – Oh admit it! You read the blog and thought “Ruby-hued Coiffure!”
Miggs – Ugh! The “well” is, well, horrible.
skye – Sharpening?!? Like a self-sharpening pencil? What aggressive nipples!
SHoeGirl – Pantone, Hahahaha!
I don’t know why, but Nonsensical Fashion Words and Phrases are Huge right now, especially on Blogs.
Shoes are “Visionary”.
Hair Colour “Challenges the Paradigm”.
Outfits are “Killer”.
Nailpolish “Captures the Zeitgeist”
I’m a Joiner. You should be too.
Jump on the Bandwagon and start writing in a Nonsensical Style Pronto.
FF – OKAY FINE. I am blessed with Boho Black locks, and red lipstick is my signature. The look is post-modern crypto Bettie Page, with a downtown sense of effortless slob meets Kabuki runner-up.
Awful. Just really terrible.
That whole paragraph blows donkey, but the one part that jumped out at me was “…–and, trend alert!–you def should!” Def? Really? Was this copy/pasted from a 16 year old’s Facebook page?
It’s a fashion website. You were expecting maybe literacy?
Whether your blond or black tresses are in the crisis, there is a way to fire up that same-old image that doesn’t match the the power of your new platform wedges. Bring your fierceness to a higher level with a pop of color and become a part of a new fashion pack – red-heads rule this season! Adjust the color to your beach tan and go for ginger, or hide in a shade under the cascades of aubergine. Be fierce from head to toe and make sure that down under is synchronized to a new mood, you never know if the night will bring to a new Terry-tory! Be the wild and untamed one this summer, new red-head is not any more part of suburban arty-housewife scene, it’s flames have left the drugstore cupboards and reached the hottest clubs and coolest streets, it’s time the burn those beaches! Hot, hot, hot!
I tried…
Dust – my eyes actually glazed over halfway through your paragraph. New reigning champion.
Shit, no wonder those idiots love Julia Frakes so much- her prose isn’t too far off in style from the above, only she (incorrectly) uses archaic multi-syllable words. Also, coincidentally, she’s a redhead.
And now I need to save my childhood loves/girl crushes – i.e. Anne Shirley and Pippi Longstocking- from being sullied by association with this rubbish. Make it stop, please, lens-woman! Please go fixate on puke-coloured hair next, or something.
Also, dust- that was masterful. You’d be on good course to be snapped up by _________(fill in Fashion Webite with retarded-sounding writing).
I’m a redhead named Ginger, life is hard.
I was going to go into a rant about hipsters co-opting my lifestyle but meh. So few woman can actually pull of red hair, I’m looking forward to all the “I don’t wash my hair”, lesbian mullet red-heads this summer. Especially if they get those skunk stripe highlights (maybe in black?).
Great…now I’m trendy.
Well, at least I’ll have the satisfaction and silent gloating of being a natural red head. I can mock the hipsters, pointing and laughing “POSERS!!”
FF – The first time I read your blog it pissed me off because of that awful fashion-blog speak. However, I realized very quickly that you were taking the piss. Well done!
Dust – Success! About 3 sentences in I wanted to kill the author. Bravo!
Nice work Dust, that was a master class. I’m not even going to try and top that, my favourite line?
Adjust the color to your beach tan and go for ginger, or hide in a shade under the cascades of aubergine
Or is it this:
Be fierce from head to toe and make sure that down under is synchronized to a new mood, you never know if the night will bring to a new Terry-tory!
Your parody is supreme Dusturbance, love it
x
Some one mentioned to me the other day they thought “pizazzy” was a great word. I replied only if you write for cosmopolitan. I am disgusted… I do always think of vogue as bone gratingly snobby and shallow, but at least semi literate. I guess i haven’t read one in a while.
On another note, I am a fire crotch whose hair is dyed elvira black. Happy about that now. Would hate my genes to add to a trend against my will.
At my pathetic ice cream scooping job, some horrible teen told me they wanted “like vanilla” on a cone. I said we had french vanilla or malted vanilla but no like vanilla. Yes I am a hateful old woman.
There’s something about hair care in particular that attracts lousy writing and TERRIBLE puns. There’s a whole host of second-rate little salons round here, and they’re all called things like Snippits or The Cutting Edge or Bangz (urgh).
I’ve been red many times in my life, and it suits me (my natural hair photographs red anyway) but I was always disappointed by how quickly it faded. Until now. I’ve embraced the way of the hippie, and now use “Body Art Quality Henna” prepared the long way. It’s a transformation, and I’ve found my path of aging. I’m going to dedicate myself to being one of those plump, middle-aged followers of eclectic Aquarian philosophies stolen from any and all handy cultures that are Closer to the Earth, dripping in patchouli and amber chunks and with my grey streaks dyed a fiery yet biodegradable red. Tarot reading anyone?
you are fantastic and hilarious… love your sarcasm…
I wish I could learn the english lenguage as well as you
l
Kenita- Ginger…snap? hehe
I feel so proud to be able to be so stupid!
Sadly I seem to veer into that sort of speak very easily on the blog too…. I need to confine myself in a room with my old word processor/typewriter thing to actually regain some sense of proper prose…
Hahahaha you are so right! This kind of writing is nauseating.
Susie- not really, at least your text retains some coherence and isn’t peppered with wannabe teen-speak (and I like reading it, too). refinery29 is just one among many fashion sites that specialise in making people who love fashion look and feel like idiots, that’s all.
This made me happier – I’m a redhead with pale skin who’s just appeared in a reader style section of a British newspaper, and apparently the kids at the school I work at have described my complexion and colouring as ‘ill-looking’. Glad to see redhead is catching on. Well, they say that, but I very much doubt we’ll see as many redhead models in weekly magazines as there are blondes and brunettes.
But that piece of text is funny as. Mainly because in my naive student journalism days I’d have used the ‘wild fire’ analogy too. :S
Someday, Sister Wolf, there will be a backlash, a prose revolution, and rad fashionistas everywhere will stand up, teetering, and demand “Stop dumbing us down, we’re not morons.” And then you will lead the revolution to paragraphs that aren’t an incomprehensible, 45+ second head-shaking waste of a formerly enjoyable and beautiful morning. Def soon, I’m sure.