Just Answer This Question

Beyonce celebrated her 30th birthday on her yacht in Italy, with family and a few close friends. Her close friend Gwyneth (??) was seen giving Beyonce an envelope.   Look how happy she is after she opens it!

I need to know what was in that envelope.*

Suggestions?

*My friend Maxine said “I would like to think it was a specially penned poem.” If you agree with Maxine, please approximate the poem.

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19 Responses to Just Answer This Question

  1. Romeo says:

    Obama’s CCCP birth certificate.

    Please please please let’s put Santorum in the White House!

  2. Gwyneth & Beyonce have been inseparable since Glastonbury!

    This is the poem she wrote

    We have shared mud
    When you give birth we will share blood
    Until then
    dear friend
    I’ll bake you a cupcake or two with glee
    And let’s hope it’s a girl not a he!

  3. cybill says:

    There once was a girl called Beyonce
    Who was bedazzled, lovely and poncey
    Why she needed a friend like Gwyn
    Who mysteriously slithered in
    The rest of us really can’t say

  4. Suspended says:

    Here’s a gift certificate for my surgeon
    The one who gave me lips like a sturgeon
    He will help if the baby is ambitious
    he can make it bootylicious
    I’m not doubting it’ll be a sweet pea
    I’m just factoring in some Jay-Z

    xx Love Gwyneth xx

  5. Ann says:

    I bet it was a picture colored by Gwynnie’s kids Apple and Moses, and a crisp $5 bill!!!

  6. annemarie says:

    Beyonce, Beyonce, you fill a void in my life,
    The split with Madonna was through my heart a knife,
    With you i feel like so totally happy
    I can even talk to you when i feel like totally crappy
    and another reason i’m glad you stepped in
    i want to be a popstar, yeah, i’m gonna sing!
    can you help? lawd, say you will!
    cos i have this burning desire to trill
    yeah baby, there’ll be no shutting me up now
    i’m gonna even out-platinum that old cow
    (who shall remain nameless. ok, it’s Madonna
    what a cunt– out-shine her i’m gonna!!)
    i’ll sing lullabies to the babe in your belly
    and i’ll sound just like i did on the telly
    what a team we will be, you and i
    also glad you’re black, not gonna lie
    how can they say i’m stuck-up now that i’m friends with you?
    god, it’s great, and your husband’s black too!
    not too many back people in the upper east side lair
    but i’m so down with you guys now– can i touch your hair?
    i’ve long believed a good friend should be a good tool
    and do stuff to help make me look cool
    and you do that Beyonce my love
    you fit me like a hand in glove.

  7. cybill says:

    Wait, I got it – its a free subscription to Goop.

  8. Kelly says:

    It was a gift certificate for some Scientology thing. Lord knows that shit is bloody expensive.

  9. Daniel in Mexico says:

    @ Ann…hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

  10. Marky says:

    A simple note: “Happy Birthday, even though you’ll never have hair like mine.”

  11. Debbie says:

    It was the phone number to her Doula and a promise that she will never sing again.

  12. Dave C says:

    @annemarie, your two lines in parentheses have to be the best poetry I’ve ever read! Brilliant!

  13. Sister Wolf says:

    Dace C- My favorite line is “god it’s great and your husband’s black too!” She is a fucking genius.

  14. Juri says:

    The note says: “Your ass is big, I can’t sing. My husband is overrated, so is yours (I’m sorry if you’re not married). I do yoga.”

  15. Sister Wolf says:

    Juri – Hahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahaaahahaha!

  16. patni says:

    Darling Beyonce,

    there are things that it takes a close LOVING friend to tell you. Because I am so filled with love and joy, I want ot let you know that you are fat, and your hair is nappy. I say this with love.

    I can help you with hairdressers, and starvation diets/detox regimes. I can help you obsessively exercise. Your hair will never be as lovely as mine, but I am sure conditioning can help!

    It will be so cool! You will be pretty, and thin! and I will have a black friend! So those awful fat people will think I am nice and normal and un-patronizing.

    Love and hope for the future
    Gwynny

    ps. I have enclosed a subscription for goop.

  17. Taylor says:

    I don’t know, but I saw her and Jay Z eating the other day and she is really pretty in person.

  18. Dru says:

    annemarie – holy fuck that was amazing. Thank you for the laughs 🙂

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