Kate Spade – Another Disturbance in the Force

I wanted to rant about the celebrities on Twitter who are responding to the suicide of Kate Spade with recollections of their first Kate Spade bag.  IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU, I was thinking in disgust, who cares about your fucking personal memories right now?

But my own reaction, having been “triggered”, was equally personal and about me.

My feeling was, don’t send condolences to her family or the usual bullshit, talk about suicide prevention and signs of risk.

Some woman who claimed to be a friend told CNN that the suicide was “out of character.” Like it was unusual for Kate Spade to kill herself. Idiot.

But Kate Spade’s sister gives a harrowing account of Kate’s persistent mental illness. The sister says that for years, she’s been trying to get Kate to admit herself to a hospital, to get treatment for her depression. She recalls how fixated Kate was on Robin Williams’ death. She reveals that Kate feared going public about her depression would ruin her personal brand as a happy, bubbly person. Most upsetting, the sister says that she finally had to “let go.”

“Sometimes you simply cannot SAVE people from themselves! One of the last things she said to me was, ‘Reta, I know you hate funerals and don’t attend them, but for me would you PLEASE come to MINE, at least. Please!’ I know she perhaps had a plan, but she insisted she did not.”

Well, letting go isn’t the answer when a loved one talks about their own funeral.

Letting go is never going to help a person in crisis, even if the crisis goes on an on.

I’m so sorry about this. In order to leave a 13 year old daughter, Kate Spade must have been in unbearable pain. You take your own life only when your suffering is stronger than your resources, I have read. She must have thought her family was better off without her. Because that’s how the suicidal brain works.

I’d like everyone who is worried about someone to call them up. Remind them that you care about them, that you need them in your life. If you’ve already had enough of someone’s resistant despair, have some more of it! Do not let go. Hang on tight. If you have a gut feeling that something is wrong, don’t ignore it.

I’m sorry. Kate Spade may have found peace, but those around her are just beginning to face a loss that will never end.

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National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255)