Now that I spend my whole life on the couch watching TV, I’ve developed relationships with a bunch of commercials, some involving ritualized behavior on my part.
When the DealDash guy boasts about getting suitcases for less than 40 nollars, I have to shout “NOLLARS!” at him. Check him out below.
Then there’s the lady who says smugly, “I don’t add up my regrets…” and I have to shout, “YOU SHOULD!”
Fuck her, you know?
I hate old ladies bragging about how active they are. I especially hate seeing them play with their grandchildren, that’s how bitter I am.
A new commercial I’m enjoying is the one for the PureWick female catheter. In this one, a woman asks her incontinent mother how she slept. What I like is their diction and decorum. They speak like Shakespearean actresses. It is so comically unlike caring for my 103 year old mother-in-law, who wants to get up and pee a thousand times a night. All her caretakers have begged her to stop doing this and it is driving everyone crazy.
I could watch those two actresses for hours. They should do a Masterpiece Theater series about staying dry at night.
I know it’s no joke to be old. I’m still going to laugh, though.
I don’t think I’d enjoy a life reduced to worrying about peeing. Now that some of us are privileged enough to be under house arrest, we’re learning how to endure a constricted existence and wondering how much we can take. We’re trying to remember why we ever cared about the things that took up our time and emotional energy.
We’re debating the value of getting dressed in normal clothes versus wearing sweatpants. I’m tired of this discussion because I just wear jeans every day, like every decent person should do. I wear jeans while I watch the news all day, and while I watch Netflix all night.
See my butt-print on the couch? That says it all.
If this ever ends, I hope I remember how to act like a normal, socialized person. Meanwhile, at least I’m not going to shopping malls. I’m saving millions of nollars, right? And I’m keeping track of my regrets.
These rituals and coded speech patterns you’re developing will make for a very interesting virus cult.
I’ve not had a TV for seven years. I love not suffering through the infuriating ad breaks. They’re so condescending, and I didn’t realise just how much until I stepped away from them.
After reading this, I feel like I’m missing out on some daily fun. Maybe I should buy a TV.
My sofa has no definable arse-marks, but only because they have all merged into one massive saggy mess.
All is well, Sis, so long as you don’t sit with soup stains down your sweater.
I don’t much care for the way they use “won” rather than “bought”.
That mind control shit is insidious It’s the same reason Many People thik the Orange Menace is a great businessman.