Lessons From Madonna


Madonna was not put here on Earth just to annoy us, it turns out.   We can learn from her, if only we open our hearts and minds.

Look at the photo above. Really look. Are you receiving Her message? Madonna is teaching us, at her own great expense, that grueling daily workouts are a waste of time after a certain age. Your lean muscular arms will terrify, rather than please. Put down the weights and get some ice cream, She is saying. Turn on the TV, spend some time with the kids, let your body do what bodies do as they age.

Her secondary message is, of course, the more you fatten up your face, the scarier you will look. Let’s thank her for sacrificing her facial contours to drive this lesson home. Thanks, Madge!


In this photo, Madonna is leaving a hospital in Marseilles after making a special trip there to comfort the workers who were injured while building a stage for her concert.

Click on the picture to ge the full impact. Now, what is she trying to teach us?

If you answered, She’s teaching the value of a photo op, even in times of human tragedy, no, you are being too hasty and judgmental. Think harder.

Madonna is saying, Black is serious, but it can still be fun! You can pretend to be mourning, but you can still choose some avant-garde menswear vest and some fierce high heels. You can say you’re devastated, but why just throw something on to meet a grieving widow? Work it!

I for one feel a new tenderness towards Madge. She only wants to help. She even apologized to me personally when she announced during her concert in Undine, Italy: “I feel so devastated to be in any way associated with anyone’s suffering.”

Why, thank you, Madonna! I appreciate your concern, just don’t do it again.

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15 Responses to Lessons From Madonna

  1. crocodilian says:

    I feel so devastated that she refuses to be in any way associated with SLEEVES.

  2. andrea says:

    I hate to be a party pooper, but those arms appear to be photoshopped. Damn, I wanted them to be hers!

  3. Jill says:

    I think I’ll keep this extra 10lbs. I’ve been carrying around.

  4. I have a terrible fear of LOOSE SKIN.

  5. Mark says:

    Those arms are not Photoshopped. Look at pretty much any other photo of her and you’ll see that her arms do indeed look like donkey legs.

  6. dewayne says:

    awesome. donkey-leg-arms madonna. it’s like a super hero name. or an excellent band name. like david hasselhoff’s haircut, or natalie portman’s bald head.

  7. WCGB says:

    The leopard print, the leopard print…REALLY?

    I have to confess I like the black heels.

    I hope I can get the image of her face out of my head before bedtime.

  8. Good grief! Hideous – actually the arms are no surprise but the frickin’ outfit thing is an abomination. Mad I’m furious. Geez would not flats, a long sleeve dress and no cross have been too much to ask for. The woman is…I could go on for ever but I need to sleep. I need sleep, I’ve not slept for a week due to fretting and filming.

  9. editor says:

    this is upsetting and reassuring at the same time. kind of like talking to the swim instructor the other day who had all the same aches and pains that i have, but hers are from an athletic lifestyle whereas mine are from doing nothing.
    so in the end, the arms are inevitable. upsetting and reassuring.

  10. WendyB says:

    You’re highlarious. But I still heart her for nostalgia’s sake.

  11. Thanks, Madonna! Screw tricep curls, I’m sleeping in.

  12. Bex says:

    Maybe it’s just someone in the way in the photo but she looks horrendously thin. And those arms, ewww..that one looks like an articulated doll arm.

  13. annemarie says:

    fucking disgusting

  14. hammie says:

    Hooray! so not only do I finally have a high jutting big in fashion arse, but now Fadoobaders are IN!!!


    (Fadoobaders are what normal ladies arms do after 2 children, normal non narcisistic pop star ladies)

  15. Eek says:

    ok the arms are awful and i just started working out and am afraid of a combo of bingo wings and veins

    i think madonna is the greatest person who ever lived

    are we going to have a problem?

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