My mom died from colon cancer, so I had to have a colonoscopy this week. I also had one soon after she died, and it wasn’t really that bad. The worst part was drinking some horrible, horrible liquid after fasting all day. The taste was so bad, I actually cried. Later, you take a laxative, and then you pretend you’re an old man in Calcutta, dying of dysentery. It’s very realistic.
This time, the problem was that I woke up with a migraine on the day of the procedure. I couldn’t take any Motrin. The fucking migraine ruined the entire experience. My advice is, don’t get a migraine when you’re having a colonoscopy.
The fun part, if you don’t have a migraine, is when you wake up and someone says “Everything’s normal!” However, I heard a doctor tell an old lady nearby in the recovery area “You know, you have a very young colon!” The old lady was naturally delighted.
I’m mad that no one told me that. Maybe I can get my husband to say it. Anyway, as far as I’m concerned, my colon rules.
