Lindsay Lohan And Me


We were driving to San Pedro and listening to Fox news in my husband’s car. Some loudmouth guy was making stupid generalizations about Lindsay Lohan and her cultural significance. My husband suggested that I call in with my opinion.

Some lady answered and screamed “John Gibson show, what do you want to say about Lindsay Lohan?” So I said something like, Well, I don’t think she’s a role model for anyone. I like to read about her troubles because I enjoy hating her.

I was put on hold and I listened to other callers making the usual points, like “Why can’t we focus on something important?” or some crap about Hollywood and celebrities.

Suddenly I was on the air, and drawling my own crap about Lindsay Lohan. I said that my friends and I think that Lindsay Lohan is an attention-whore and will do anything to get more attention. I said that she probably came by it honestly, thanks to her screwed up parents, but she was making her own decisions every day, just like anyone else.

The radio host sneered, “So, you think it’s fun to watch her kill herself? You enjoy that, do you?”

I answered, “Not at all. I’m just saying that bla bla bla.”

But he’d cut me off, of course, because it’s Fox News!

God, I loved hearing myself on the radio. There was a slight time delay, so I got to hear my last words, which were fabulous, but I can’t quite remember them.

From now on, I’m going to call in to radio talk shows all the time, and I’ll find a way to complete my thought about LL, which was this: When I heard about her arrest, it was like Christmas Morning!

Wasn’t it like that for everyone?  

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6 Responses to Lindsay Lohan And Me

  1. Sonja says:

    i’m having an attack of conscience re: all these young hollywood trainwrecks. I might be ready to make another attempt at boycotting celebrity gossip, which I’ve been known eat up like a little piglet – I keep thinking about Britney’s young babies who will be Googling by the time they’re 3 yrs old, probably, and what they will have to hear about the one and only mother they have. And I can’t imagine how I would cope with the ever-present onslaught of ridicule – it gets nastier and nastier. (The targets seem to get younger and younger. That little Fanning kid is now fair game apparently.) I’d probably get drunk and smash my car into a brick wall everyday of my life. They don’t stand a chance.

  2. Sister Wolf says:

    Yes but you could also just go to college, avoid the limelight and become a nice lesbian mother like Jodie Foster and Brooke Shields!

  3. Sonja says:

    provided, I suppose, that you were blessed with the natural fortitude, intelligence, good luck or good guidance to navigate through the gross exploitation by everyone starting with your mother. Jodie and Brooke are superhuman, perhaps. Natalie Portman, and others. And then there are the sad little mere mortals who don’t stand a chance in hell.

  4. Sister Wolf says:

    Well, Sonja, can we make a deal: We can hate Lindsay, but we’ll have lots of empathy for the others.


  5. Sonja says:


  6. Sonja says:

    …on the condition that we feel really sorry for Britney.

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