Losing It

Reading the New York Times online, I just got sidetracked by a link that said: “Worried about your memory? 5 Signs   it’s Serious.”

As it happens, I have no short-term memory and little of the other kind either. People are constantly mad at me for forgetting things I’m supposed to remember.   They point out that I’ve told the same story twice, and that I’ve already seen a movie I have no recollection of. The signs are all there.

But memory problems are also common in people with PTSD, fibromyalgia, and a couple of other conditions that apply to me but I forgot what they are. I’m not joking here, either.

So, I’m reading this list of warning signs and going Yep, yep, I have  Alzheimer’s, I’m screwed, when I get to number 5, Having Trouble With Choices, and I come upon this quote:

“If you used to be a definitive person and now you can’t work your way through choices, that’s a red flag,” psychiatrist Ken Robbins says. “Choosing involves enough cognitive powers — remembering what you like, thinking about how the options differ, and thinking about what you want now — that it’s a problem that shows up early on.”

DEFINITIVE?!?!? What the fuck?! That bastard means “decisive” and he used  the  wrong word! They’re not  interchangeable, Dr. Ken Robbins, Moron Esq.! English, motherfucker! Do you speak it? Where is the fucking editor??

I’m trying to calm down. But it’s hard. And now I can see my future: I will be hopelessly bereft of all memory, including my own name, rank and serial number, but I’ll be flipping out about word usage with my last dying breath.

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26 Responses to Losing It

  1. JK says:

    “Dr. So and So, Moron Esq.”?

    I can’t remember why that kittles me so. But it does. Thanks SW.

  2. LisaMareedom says:

    The brain needs exercise – if you keep finding the errors in word usage you will keep exercising those synaptic connections. More fun than Sudoku and just as purposeful. Xx

  3. Ann says:

    That whole quote by that psychiatrist is shitty. Let’s forget it on purpose! But don’t ever forget that I love you!

  4. Heidi says:

    Ouch! I would be panicking right now as well. In fact, I just won’t read that article and pretend I never saw it.

    But yes, maybe some brain exercises? If they can ward off these things, go for it!

  5. Erika says:

    Ha ha ha! Yup, I also need to get on the brain exercises. You can work on it. There is hope.

  6. patni says:

    Clearly you just are not a definitive person.

  7. patni says:

    Also PTSD gave me super sharp memory because I was hyper alert all the time. So.. peoples reactions to stress are different.

  8. Sword of Damocles says:

    Omega 3s, Omega 3s, Omega 3s, Vitamins: all the Bs, C, D, & E (whole food, not synthetic if possible). Use coconut oil for cooking (it’s also great as a moisturizer too). Stop using aluminum (it’s everywhere, including in baked goods, drinking water, deodorant, and pots and pans). There are many herbs that are excellent antioxidants and adaptogens. A combination of physical and mental exercises. I read somewhere that the population with the least amount of Alzheimers cases is in India (Turmeric and Curcumin are powerful antioxidants, think curry.)
    My mom died from complications of that dreadful disease (it killed her inch by inch over a decade long period), so that puts me at a higher risk, and every time I forget something I go into panic mode thinking is this the “beginning?” My mom had early on-set which makes it even worse. Her decline started in her early 60s. However, the good news is her three remaining siblings show no signs of it and they’re in their 70s and 80s. Mom did use Crisco in almost everything she fried & baked, she reused bacon fat, and loved bone marrow, her siblings did not (olive oil). I’m a hoping it’s environmental and not genetic. However, having typed that, I do believe that genes can be switched on and off due to environmental factors (that’s environmental again), so if I’ve got the gene (and UCLA knows- we flew my mom down and my sister and I participated in a genetic study), I’m switching it OFF!
    My parents only lived into their 70s due to heart disease and Alzheimer’s; however, my grandparents lived into their 90s. I’m thinking environment is everything. I have an uncle who is 106, he tells everyone he’s 96, and he lives on the island, still at home and now alone, his wife died last month, and she was in her 90s). He eats fresh food at every meal, nothing packaged, he naps every day, and he continues to work every day. And most importantly he keeps his stress levels down. Stress is a very difficult thing to deal with, and I’m sure PTSD is even more difficult. Stress can be the cause of so many diseases (heart disease, high blood pressure, obesity, insomnia, depression, etc). All I can say here is meditation, exercise, deep breathing, connection, and outlet, and love.
    I’m sending love your way!

  9. Sword of Damocles says:

    SW, Oh panic . . . my GREAT uncle is 106.

  10. M* says:


  11. Hahahaha – perfectly found!

  12. Tallulah Eulallie says:

    The drop in estrogen that goes along with menopause can cause mental fogginess, too. I’ve read that this is temporary, and I certainly hope so. (There are days when I’d forget my head if it wasn’t up my ass!)

  13. Andra says:

    Plink ….. what was that?

    Oh fuck, did I just lose another marble?

    Still, what I have left is more than most people have to start with.

    You too….. try to remember that!


  14. drollgirl says:

    glad to see that you found the silver lining in all of this. bah!!!

    hope you are doing ok, ms wolf. i have missed you, big time. 🙂

  15. Cricket9 says:

    Hah, I forgot an appointment for a massage Friday. I remembered it in the morning, went happily about my business in the evening, until the guy called. It was not my typical routine Friday, but I was rather embarrassed.
    I do forget things which do not interest me and I never was and never will be a “detail-oriented” person.
    On the other hand, I still can speak all the languages I learned (except Russian – mostly forgotten for lack of use). I’m thinking about learning another one as a brain exercise. . I’ll eat more curry, try coconut oil and hope for the best, on the same premise as Andra – that what’s left is more that many people start with. I’m an arrogant old bitch. And I’m DEFINITIVE on this.

  16. dana says:

    I wanna be in the same home where you are, Sister.

  17. patni says:

    what is the difference between usage and use?

  18. lemony says:

    Oh dear worryingly I can totally relate to this, it’s as if my brain has developed holes and things just drop out! At least I’m not the only one I suppose…

  19. thatsRight says:

    The difference between usage and use is the same difference between saus and sausage.

    The memory loss from my fibromyalgia and the fact I am dyslexic with numbers make me show up on entirely wrong days or weeks for appointments. Usually after the appointment.

  20. Perhaps Dr Ken has Alzheimer’s too?

  21. Andra says:

    Definitive or decisive?

    Does it matter?

    I think a lot of this, and it does come down to one’s age, is that our thought processes change and what was rivetingly important in our 30’s say, is of absolutely no interest in our 60’s.

    I can remember my trying to get my mother to watch TV and follow the news shows and keep up to date when she was in her 60’s and 70’s and she couldn’t give a damn. My sister and I were always so proud of her because no matter what company she was in she could talk to anybody on any subject and then, gradually I guess, she lost interest and was happy in her own little world with her favourite books and pottering in the garden.
    Well, I find myself now, when I am in my 60’s, in exactly the same position.

    I don’t watch much news on TV although I do read about it online but, really, I am not much interested, curious yes, but I just don’t seem connected … it’s just not my business and there’s nothing I can do about it anyway.

    I have come to the conclusion that this is another aspect of our lives and most of us will simply narrow our horizons to the tiny parts that are of most interest to us; family, close friends etc.

    At least, that’s my theory and if nobody else likes it, well, I just don’t care!

  22. Cricket9 says:

    Heh heh Andra, I bet even you should be relieved that the Rapture, Doomsday, Judgement Day or Armageddon (whichever name you prefer) is postponed – again! I did not happen May 11 as originally predicted, but will happen for sure October 21. I still watch the news, and that’s what I learned today. The best part is – the prophet was VERY DISAPPOINTED that he miscalculated. Sure, what everyone is looking forward to, and can’t wait for, is the end of the world!

  23. Andra says:

    Well, my little Cricket, as one devout atheist to another, they don’t want us in the grand Rapture scheme of things and that’s OK.
    They’re probably a pretty boring lot anyway.
    They should consider doing what the Balinese people do and have a Nyepi Day once a year to frighten away the evil spirits.
    Or it might work to frighten away the stupid religious nuts.
    Could be worth a try.
    And furthermore, regarding the end of the world, my cat couldn’t give a damn either!

  24. Ellie says:

    Hi, maybe definitive was the word the good doctor intended to use?

    S: (adj) definitive, determinate (supplying or being a final or conclusive settlement) “a definitive verdict”; “a determinate answer to the problem”


  25. Danno says:

    Hey Wolfie. I don’t care so much about word usage right now. It’s the forgetfulness I’d like to address. I never blacked out in my life until I started taking SSRI’s. Combine those with xanax/valium, a bottle of wine, and you’ve got a scary situation. Well, scary until the 28th black out. At that point, if you’re like me, you simply say “Oh well. There goes my brains.”
    My husband no longer reminds me that “we had this exact conversation last night” nor does he question the bowls of peanut butter, powdered sugar, and banana smash surprise he finds on the kitchen counter in the mornings. (Probably because he’s so thankful for the “get yer ass nekkid and in the bed” surprise from the night before that I’m just as quick to forget.) Srsly, SSRI’s and benzo’s will mess you up if you’re drinking. FYI.

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