Reading the New York Times online, I just got sidetracked by a link that said: “Worried about your memory? 5 Signs it’s Serious.”
As it happens, I have no short-term memory and little of the other kind either. People are constantly mad at me for forgetting things I’m supposed to remember. They point out that I’ve told the same story twice, and that I’ve already seen a movie I have no recollection of. The signs are all there.
But memory problems are also common in people with PTSD, fibromyalgia, and a couple of other conditions that apply to me but I forgot what they are. I’m not joking here, either.
So, I’m reading this list of warning signs and going Yep, yep, I have Alzheimer’s, I’m screwed, when I get to number 5, Having Trouble With Choices, and I come upon this quote:
“If you used to be a definitive person and now you can’t work your way through choices, that’s a red flag,” psychiatrist Ken Robbins says. “Choosing involves enough cognitive powers — remembering what you like, thinking about how the options differ, and thinking about what you want now — that it’s a problem that shows up early on.”
DEFINITIVE?!?!? What the fuck?! That bastard means “decisive” and he used the wrong word! They’re not interchangeable, Dr. Ken Robbins, Moron Esq.! English, motherfucker! Do you speak it? Where is the fucking editor??
I’m trying to calm down. But it’s hard. And now I can see my future: I will be hopelessly bereft of all memory, including my own name, rank and serial number, but I’ll be flipping out about word usage with my last dying breath.