Here’s my mom. She died on April 27, 2001. She loved opera, chili, shoes, vodka, books and traveling. On her deathbed, watching Jeopardy on TV, she shouted out “Loyola!” and she was correct.
She was nuts, and I miss her.
If you feel like it, go read this in her honor.
your mom is so beautiful.
I can see where you get your beauty from!
Dear Sister Wolf,
My mom died April 27,2009. We hadn’t spoken in 8 years. It’s a long story, but she was crazy too, depression and hoarding and other OCD behaviors. I didn’t hate her, I just got tired of never being good enough and having her make me feel like shit every time we spoke. She didn’t hate me, she just didn’t seem to really care. I’m not sure she ever loved anything or anyone besides her mom, and at least for that I am grateful because my Granny was awesome.
You however seem like a fantastic mom. I’m glad your kids will never have to write a post like this.
I don’t think anything can be as complicated as our relationship with our mothers; that with our sisters might come close, but there seems to be a little less at stake, at least for me.
Your linked post is beautifully and powerfully expressed. I’m sorry for you that it was that way, but at the same time it made you who you are, and I don’t imagine you regret that, so there it is.
The missing thing apparently lasts a long time. My mom is still alive, but both of my husband’s parents died within the last year and a half (might as well have been last night). I have a crazy dad too…today’s quote: “I have more money right now because I’m not paying my bills.” I know I’ll miss both of my crazies when they go.
I love both my parents dearly and am terrified of losing them. It’s a heartbreak that most of us will experience which connects us in this terrible way, but yet when it happens, I bet you feel so alone.
Your Mommy loved you fiercely.
For some reason, something told me to write you that.
Now I will go back into the field of cheese from
whence I crawled.
XuXu
http://www.frenchshelter.blogspot.com
Hello Sister,
I like this post and photo ( esp the way they tinted colour back in the day.) Your Mum looks so pretty and young.
I miss my mother every day of my life. I want to run to her when things go wrong and no-one, not a single person on this planet, can ever make me feel soothed when I’m in emotional pain the way she did, so without her I am lost.
We didn’t always get along. When I was a teenager, a quiet, completely non-troublesome teenager, she used to call me a cunt, a bitch, a cow and I would often spend the night in the shed outside, too scared to go into the house. I knew it was because she was left alone to support me when my father died and didn’t really mean the things she said. We eventually became close again, so close life is now hideous without her.
I’m sorry you miss you mother but I’m glad you are one yourself.
Dear Sister Wolf, just read your linked post and am genuinely impressed by your writing and the ideas you express so skilfully; I can remember vividly as a sleep deprived new mother wondering why I ever wanted a baby..on a lighter note have been catching up on earlier posts and have found them most educational, in partic I have learnt the phrase “lady garden” which me and my husband both find most amusing (we need to get out more) Best wishes Pudfish
A great beauty and she passed it on to her daughter – only the looks bit, you are truly lovely and not in the slightest nuts xx
My mother died long time ago, I was 11, but I’ve lost her much earlier due to her heavy illness. Sometimes I miss HER, sometimes I just miss mother figure. We got along well, she supported my creativity and would be madly proud to see where I stand now, but ,she was a clean freak. As a 3 year old I had to sit down and eat my banana out of plate with fork and I just hated her. I hated when I had to go crazy and play in strictly determined square meters that were destined for playing, all I wanted is to cross the line and go beyond the borders. I hated her so much in those moments of restriction, that for years I would fantasize that my hate killed her in order to set me free. Naturally, I was smarter than that and never really believed my fantasy, but after reading your linked post, it has got a different perspective and I don’t feel so bad for having such horrible thoughts and I can see why she was so much against the innocent, simple things that would make me as a child much more happier, I guess she hated me too, I came unexpectedly and early in her life and changed her ambitions forever. She couldn’t become an architect as she wanted, for example. Luckily for her, I was very easy child and was afraid of her most of the time, generally just obeyed the General.
Back to your story, children can hate back too.
Your mum is gorgeous! You do look like her, and by god you seem to have the same way with lipstick. Family photos are things I love to look at, even if the families aren’t mine (I am nosy, I admit it).
Lost my mother to breast cancer almost 30 years ago. She was only 61. She was a wonderful mother, providing some balance to a super-strict and controlling father (I used to hate him quite a bit). Still miss her.
I agree with the others. You inherited your mother’s beauty but not her craziness and lack of mothering skills. Your sons are lucky to have you whether they know it now or not.
Your mom was beautiful. I love you.
What a beautiful woman and a lovely tribute. I’ll think of you both today.
I can’t imagine how hard and confusing it must be. My mother is wonderful. She can still fill me with hate and frustration and anger like no one else in the world. I know i do the same to her. It is wonderful and just infuriating at the same time. I can’t imagine how much more complicated it would be if your mom was actually mad. Because you love your mom no matter what. And you must miss her as well as just missing having a mom.
Your mom was beautiful, Sister Wolf. So are you. I am a new reader of your blog, and I think I am already in love with you. 🙂
My grand”mom” died April 27, 2001. She liked beautiful clothing, hats and cooking for her family at holidays or anytime. She liked to have those small cokes in the bottle sold as a 6-pack on hand along with moon pies, so we could have what is now known as old school treats. I could talk with her about anything and she never gave me any attitude or big long lectures about how what I did was wrong. She always provided some comforting words with some wisdom thrown in for good measure to let me know she was on to me!..I miss her terribly – haven’t been the same sense.
sounds like my kind of woman!
Agreement with Stuti…your mom looked like one of those classical-era film stars.
I was raised by my grandmother, and she died on April 4th, 2008, during my freshman year of college. Sometimes I still don’t believe it; she seemed like such an ESSENTIAL part of the universe, like it couldn’t possibly exist without her there to hold it together. She drove me crazy, but when she was gone I realized that she was the axis everything turned on.
Sometimes I think “you know, I haven’t called my Mema in awhile, I really should,” and I always get all the way through that thought before I remember. Funny how all the insane things she used to do seem endearing and are greatly missed now; when she was alive I just wanted to scream and run around in circles about twice a day at her.
even if she didn’t show it, your mother must have been incredibly proud of you, sister wolf, and if “the other side” to which she might have crossed does exist, she surely still will be.
my mother died in a car accident in 1999, and i still miss her so much.
Your mother was gorgeous.
That previous post was a very interesting one, Sister Wolf. I can’t help but remember the anti-natalists.
I understand what it is like to miss your mommy, and it does not matter what happened growing up, how unhappy or unstable she may have been, there is something unexplainable between a mother and a child. I lost mine when I was 15. This year was extremely difficult for both my sister and me, around the date of her passing (3 days before my birthday). It happened many many years ago, yet sometimes I feel like need her more now, then I did when I was younger.
In response to your earlier post about moms who kill, I have no personal experience as I am not a mom, nor plan on being one. Though I am quite sure my mom wanted to kill me at times. I was difficult I know, but I know she loved me dearly too.
We all have the capacity for great love and hate, it is the human condition. Who knows why some people snap and others don’t.
I appreciate this topic. Thank you.
I can appreciate anyone who shouts their Jeopardy answers. Lovely photo of your mother.
Thank you all for commenting and for sharing stories about your mothers. We are all connected by loving and hating our moms, and by struggling to honor them and somehow transcend them. xoxoxo
I first had one of those thoughts when I was pushing my baby down a hill in her pram, a massive concrete mixing truck was at the bottom. In my minds eye I saw myself letting go of the pram and watched it smash into the truck.
I was horrified by myself, at 19 I did not have the mental capacity to understand why I would take momentary relish in such a thought.
Luckily for me, I attended a breastfeeding group weekly, where one of the ladies running it was a queen. I told her what I had thought, how it had scared me, she explained to me by conceiving intrusive thoughts, I was Internalizing and learning about my dark side.
I came to understand that EVERY mother has these thoughts at some point, and thankfully most of us deal with it without violence & death.
Your essay was hard to read, like Hammie, I tend to shy away from those realities, but I thought it was excellently written
I love my mum, but she is mad as a bag of snakes, and hard work, the kind of lady who goes for a brain cat scan out of her mind on acid. True story.
She was waxing lyrical the other day about the annex I am going to build on the side of my house for when she starts dribbling.
I replied that she would get a shotgun before a annex, I was only half joking
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