Here is Mrs. Palin, just days after her resignation, preparing a baby for human sacrifice. Mrs. P is marking the spot where the giddy mother will cut the heart out for the Unholy Offering.
Oh fine. Maybe I’m just hallucinating. Maybe it’s perfectly normal to autograph a baby while its head hangs upside down and someone digs their nails into its arm to hold it still.
But after refreshing my memory with some blogs that still hope to uncover the truth about Trig’s birth, I have to wonder if I’m the only one with this theory: Mrs. Palin was hoping to lose her baby, but despite her best efforts, he survived.
Wait! Hear me out!
Le’s say you were a bible-spouting “pro-life” Christian who was genuinely opposed to abortion under any circumstances. Then, you find yourself pregnant at 43, carrying a baby with Down Syndrome. You already have 4 kids, two who are clearly on the road to big trouble. You are pursuing a political career and it’s really taking off.
What can you do? You could hide your pregnancy, even from your children and your staff. Maybe somehow God will step in and let you have a miscarriage.
When God doesn’t jump in, you stay busy, jogging and acting like you’re not pregnant. You don’t tell your kids or your staff. Maybe you can still miscarry your unexpected and unwanted baby.
Finally, as luck would have it, your water breaks while you’re giving a speech in Texas. Great! You decide to fly back to Alaska, where someone can help you out, like your discreet private doctor. When your plane lands, shit, the baby still seems okay. So you drive to Wasilla, taking 5 more hours, still hoping to lose the baby.
In the end, your baby is born healthy, even though he is premature. What can you do except send everybody a funny letter about your very special baby, and sign it: “Trig’s Creator, Your Heavenly Father.”