MTV Awards 2011 Exegesis

Oh god, what a fucking travesty. I’ll try to break it down for you.

A large group of untalented people “sang” awful songs for an enthusiastic audience of vacuous industry types.

Lady Gaga pretended to be The Fonz and wouldn’t stop. She made you long for the meat dress. Britney Spears won an Achievement Award and thanked her little boys. Kanye and Jay-Z butchered an Otis Redding song by rapping over it, and Justin Bieber thanked both god AND Jesus.   Is Justin confused, or am I? Isn’t Jesus their Lord or what?

Adele offered a moment of true artistry and elegance. She was totally out of place.

Chris Brown danced around in a white suit and then flew around in one of those harness things. He was no Pink, let me tell you. At least  he didn’t punch anyone in the face, or not during the show, to my knowledge.

Beyonce performed an uninspired pop song, her hair blowing in a wind machine, and revealed her pregnancy by patting her small tummy.

Katy Perry won an award that belonged to Adele.  Some guy called Something the Creator won an award, and a guy called Pitbull presented a mystery as to his ethnicity and popularity.

Russell Brand introduced a tribute to Amy Winehouse, striking a sour note by calling her an addict and an alcoholic. What a fucking cunt™ . I can’t hate him enough. He made things worse by asserting pompously: “There IS a solution.” No, you cunt, there is no solution to addiction except to not start doing drugs in the first place.   Rest in peace my darling Amy, Max, and everyone else who could not be helped by 12 steps or 12,000 steps.

Tony Bennett was poignantly humble in his admiration for Amy’s genius. and played part of the video he made with her.

Bruno Mars horrified me by singing “Valerie,” but in the end he made me cry by singing directly to Amy. God bless him with his retro pompadour and his great horn section!

Lil’ Wayne came out and rapped about how angry he was. Every third word was bleeped out but one “Fucking” escaped in the last verse, in which I think he compared himself to John Lennon. He took his shirt off and ran around like a crazed monkey. I’m sure he’s a very nice person in real life.

That’s all I remember. Let me know if I missed anything important.

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34 Responses to MTV Awards 2011 Exegesis

  1. K B says:

    Hear hear!
    For some reason, I felt uncomfortable watching Beyonce rub her belly at the end of her song.

  2. Alison says:

    Haven’t seen the MTV awards over here, as I don’t have it. But Russell Brand’s piece on his blog about Amy was the most moving and insightful of everything that was written at the time. They were mates. But people who’ve come through something themselves, whatever it is, are always the most evangelical.

    Adele is always a class act.

  3. hahahaha thank you for allowing me to enjoy the MTV Awards via reading you little excerpts. I don’t think i would have had the stomach to sit down and watch it. . . although I think i might head over to youtube now and look up some of the bits you discussed!! xxxx

  4. Jazmin says:

    I actually sat through the whole awards show, and it was a fucking train wreck. I was kind of disgusted by Amy’s so-called tribute. It didn’t honor her work at all but turned into a sort of mockery. I was very upset. Adele was the only person there worth anything.

  5. alicia says:

    I was thinking about watching them on re-run, but after reading this, I think I’m good. Thanks for the recap! Now, I just need to see the photos from the red carpet, and I think I’m VMA-ed out.

  6. Ann says:

    Every year, you selflessly take one for the team (I hate that saying) and sit through that shitshow, sharing all that you see, to spare the rest of us. I don’t think I’ve ever told you how truly thankful I am to you for doing that. Spot on, as per.

    Russell Brand is just the worst. What a fucking cuntâ„¢!!! He nauseates me in ways I never knew existed.

  7. andrea says:

    Thanks for the recap! Missed it. Had no cable due to the hurricane in NY. Now i don’t have to bother to watch the rerun. Britney Spears- achievement?? What is wrong with these people?

  8. Andra says:

    Can anyone tell me why Amy Winehouse defaced her body with those really bad tattoos?

    Truly. Amy Winehouse was a great talent and I am sorry she’s no longer with us but why, why would you do this?

    Is it just self-loathing, you have to defile your body with this junk?
    I really would like some insight into this.

    Otherwise, once again I don’t believe I missed anything by not seeing this “awards” mess.

    Our dear sister can sum it up in 200 words.

    Thanks sis, for saving the rest of us from sitting through this crap.

  9. Luda says:

    I skipped the show and watched Adele’s performance only on YouTube. Looks like I made the right choice.

  10. annemarie says:

    I loathe Russell Brand. I don’t know anyone who finds him funny/clever. Also, he’s a prima donna– my friend directed him in a commercial and he complained about the catering and demanded to be fed sushi.

  11. Taylor says:

    All the tweets about this “God and Jesus” shit are the most mortifying things I have ever read.

  12. Angie-Dynamo says:

    Holey Crrap!!! You hit the nail on the head….. Except I thought Lady Gaga looked like Ralph Macchio from The Outsiders. Ha! I was disappointing once again from an ‘Award Show” When I was a kid, in the 80’s EVERY Award Show was Amazing… Things are not same

  13. Faux Fuchsia says:

    I love Adele. She has a killer voice and superior hair.

  14. kelsey says:

    Piss off cunt and do your research, Russell Brand and Amy were very close and he was devastated by her death. He wrote a very moving tribute to her and Amy herself knew she was an alcoholic and drug addict, should he pretend she wasn’t??
    As for you saying there is “no solution” for addicts except not to start in the first place, that is such an insult to the millions of recovering addicts who never go back to their substance of choice. Russell Brand is one of those recovering alcoholics and heroin users who has stopped since 2002, so obviously he has found some “solution” with rehab,AA,NA and meditation. I’m surprised at your ignorance!!

  15. Sister Wolf says:

    kelsey – Do my research? Hahahahahahahha! How do you know they were “close friends?” Because he posed for some red carpet pictures with her?

    If I had a nickel for every heroin relapse and overdose I’ve seen in the last 15 years, I’d hire someone to slap you in the face, hard.

    You are a moron, my dear. There is nothing you can teach me. Move along.

  16. Tina says:

    Haven’t watched an awards show in years. You reminded me why. Thanks!

  17. Alison says:

    I’m not commenting on the MTV thing as I haven’t seen it. But they were mates, not best friends, but certainly pals. She popped up on his radio and TV shows now and then and they lived around the same area of London, same hang-outs, same groups of friends and acquaintances (good and bad I expect).

    As I’m typing this, Rehab has come on the radio, so Amy must agree 🙂

  18. Kelly says:

    Where was the tribute? I kept watching the show but so far it just seemed like nobody remembered or even cared that she was gone.

  19. WendyB says:

    Adele must have been thinking, “Why can’t I wake up from this nightmare?”

  20. Katie Lipshultz says:

    This is the BEST THING EVER! You are so funny. I’ve only recently found you and wonder how I ever lived without you!

  21. Alison says:

    Just watched the Brand/Bennett tribute bit on youtube. Seemed ok to me, given the fact the venue and occasion don’t exactly lend themselves to subtlety, also the relationship between them, Brand’s own history, and the fact he does a lot of fundraising for the centre that helped him get clean. Just seemed in tune with how he talks and how they talked to each other. She didn’t mince words herself, so she wouldn’t expect anyone else to. Maybe it doesn’t translate :/ It was so sad to see her looking and sounding so good in the recent footage with Tony Bennett. Toxicology report came back clean, but she’d been left with emphysema and a damaged immune system so maybe that finished her, who knows. I switched off when Bruno Mars came on looking like a young Cliff Richard… and why pick a song she covered instead of one of her own?! :/

  22. Sister Wolf says:

    Alison – I think a tribute speech should be a tribute, and not a soapbox or a time to remind everyone that the subject of the tribute was an alcoholic, addict, (or “crazy”, which he called her several times.) That guy is wringing all he can out of his blogpost about Amy. It seems to have revived his social media profile.

    I read the same gossip that you do. I even write some of it. But thank you for trying to clarify.

  23. Sister Wolf says:

    WEndy B and FF – I love Adele. I love her hand motions, too. And what happened to Duffy??

  24. Sista Coyote says:

    I’m just glad effing kanye west kept his trap shut. He’s a moron. C’mon, Sister, you must be hoping that Beyonce’s child isn’t born with nostril holes the size of Jay-Z’s….right?!

  25. Sister Wolf says:

    Sista Coyote – Hahahaahahahahahahahahahahaaha!

  26. Now I know why Mr MDS has banned me from watching MTV!
    He finds it very very annoying – he doesn’t do rap.

    Poor Adele she is fabulous and poor Amy having to endure a tribute from Russ. Ugh.

  27. Dru says:

    Andra – what are you on about, re: the tattoos? Self-loathing explains a lot of screwed-up things people do with their lives, but it’s not a blanket explanation for body art you don’t like.

  28. Kellie says:

    Russell needs to stop patting himself on the back for being so superior. Because I bet he’s not, and will have a fall from grace-sex, drugs or liquor. He has tried them all, and been addicted to them all, as well.

    How dare he turn it into some preachy shit.

    Poor Adele, trying to not absorb any of the “douche”. I hope she went home and scrubbed herself down.

    The irony being MTV hasn’t know what is musically relevant for about 20 years at least.

    Thank you for the recap, I knew the show would do nothing but irritate me.

  29. Kellie says:

    ps, I had actually wondered if Amy would ever remove the “Blake” above the pocket.
    I thought that was quite clever, really.
    But I do have hate for him.
    And think he was the worst thing that happened to her.

  30. Andra says:

    Dru, I’m truly sorry if I have inadvertently offended you.

    But, you see, I am really confused as to why women want to deface their bodies.

    OK. You see, I see it as a kind of walking graffiti and, obviously a whole lot of people don’t.

    You may see it as art, I don’t know. I don’t know what anybody is trying to prove by going to all the trouble of having some words or pictures painfully engraved on their skin.

    And I would like to know. See, that’s the thing. I am interested in finding out why women have tattoos. Any women, any tattoos. Do you have tattoos? What was your reason? Are you still (if you ever were) happy that you had it/them done?

    Amy Winehouse’s tattoos, unsightly as they are to me in the first place, also seem to be pretty amateurish and I simply would like some insight, if it is at all possible, into her reasons for doing this.

    I don’t know – and I doubt that you know.

    But, I am not trying to offend anybody, living or dead, I am intrigued and would appreciate a civil response, if one is available.

    I thank you for your interest.

  31. Dru says:

    Andra – no problem. But why do you specifically speak of being puzzled by women with tattoos? Do men with tattoos not bother you as much, and if so, why not?

    You speak of not knowing why someone would go through that pain to have words or pictures engraved on their skin. But maybe, just maybe, those people – women, men, whoever – have decided that those words or pictures have enough personal significance to them that they’d want them permanently on their bodies for the rest of their lives? Sister Wolf herself has a tattoo in honour of Max, which I think is beautiful both in sentiment and execution. For that, the physical pain might seem like a worthy trade-off.

    In full disclosure – I do have a tattoo. A small one of a doodle I used to do in my notebooks, because I couldn’t afford anything bigger at the time. It hurt less than having a blood test, and I’m happy with it – it reminds me of the girl I was all those years ago. I’m planning another, but will have to save up to go to a proper artist for it because it’s bigger and involves colour.

  32. Dru says:

    And on the flipside, of course there are some clichéd, outright dumb things that people choose to get for tattoos – the names of boyfriends or girlfriends who later become exes, words or characters in a language they can’t actually read and which can consequently come out quite fucked up, religious symbols that they don’t understand the meaning of, that stupid finger-moustache, and a million other absurdities.

    I can’t guess at why anyone else gets their tattoos, or what Amy Winehouse was thinking when she got hers. But I think what’s great about tattoos is the fact that you have to choose to get one – and what you do with that choice says a lot. It can turn out ugly, or it can turn out beautiful. For me, choosing a tattoo isn’t unlike dressing for yourself. Only with a tattoo, you have to take that much more care because it’s permanent.

    PS: I don’t really hold it against you that you instinctively dislike tattoos. I myself detest body piercings. Though that is my own bias as the result of a childhood incident where a parentally-enforced ear-piercing went horribly wrong and became infected (surgical intervention was needed later).

  33. Dru says:

    PPS: I know this is getting tl;dr, but just to clarify, my parents aren’t monsters – it’s just very common here to get girls’ ears pierced when they’re still toddlers, and they didn’t do that to me. They waited till I was 9 years old to get my ears pierced, but it was done the traditional way and to this day I haven’t forgotten how much it hurt.

  34. Alicia says:

    Yeah, where the hell IS Duffy?

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