Online Shopping and The Grassy Knoll


Check out this beautiful dress. I loved it when I saw it online for $750 but I’m not crazy enough yet to spend that much on something I’ll probably never wear.

Recently, I saw it online at a store in the UK, marked down to $230. I had to order it! It’s like putting five hundred dollars in the bank, right?!

Soon afterward, I got a phonecall from DHL asking me for my social security number. I didn’t want to give it, even though the guy told me that this would cause my package to be delayed by customs.

I’ve been tracking the package, which has been in Los Angeles, just doing nothing for a week. Today I had a nice chat on the DHL website, with a “Live Customer Service Operator.” Here it is, cut and pasted. Please enjoy.

Please wait for a DHL Tracking Specialist to respond.
You are now chatting with ‘Stacie’
Stacie: Hi. Thank you for contacting DHL Live Chat. How may I help you?
Sister  Wolf: My package from the UK has been at Gateway CA for 7 days!
Sister  Wolf: when I call to see what’s going on,
Sister  Wolf: I can’t get a live human to speak to me.
Stacie: I’ll be glad to help you with that. Please give me a moment while I check the records for you.
Stacie: As per our records, the shipment was delayed due to clearance issues.
Sister  Wolf: thanks! when can you resolve the issues? It’s just a dress!!!!!
Stacie: I request you to contact our customs department at 866-600-0014 for any further assistance in this case.  
Sister Wolf: you aren’t a human, are you?
Stacie: Yes, I am a Live person.
Sister  Wolf: haha
Sister  Wolf: when I call the number, I wont get any help
Stacie: I request you to contact the above number provided, one of our representatives will be glad to assist you in this case.
Sister  Wolf: okay, but I’ve already been through this and no one helps
Stacie: I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you.
Stacie: Please contact our customs department number at 866-600-0014, one of our representatives will be glad to assist you in this case.
Stacie: Do you have anything else for me to help?

(here I called the number and there was a pause)
Stacie: Are we online?
Sister  Wolf: yes, I did get some help
Sister  Wolf: are you sure your are a live person?
Stacie: Yes, I am a Live person representative.
Sister  Wolf: do you know who killed Kennedy?

(here there was a long pause)
Sister  Wolf: Some AI can answer that question!
Sister Wolf: (artificial intelligence programs)

(more pause….time passed)
Sister  Wolf: Never mind, I see you are stumped. thanks for you help.
Stacie: You’re welcome. Is there anything else I can help you with?
Sister  Wolf: no, bye.
Stacie: Thank you for using DHL services. Have a great day. Bye.
Stacie: Thank you for contacting DHL Customer Support. Please click on ‘Close’ button to end the chat session and take few minutes to fill in the Customer Survey Form. Your feedback is greatly appreciated.

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4 Responses to Online Shopping and The Grassy Knoll

  1. Suebob says:

    “…after all, it was you and me” – is that the right answer? I am hoping to be human.

  2. Sister Wolf says:

    You are human and then some, Suebob.

  3. Mark says:

    Wow, talking to Stacie is like talking to anyone at the post office on 125th Street in New York, except the postal workers are real people, and while they’re just as useless and stupid as Stacie, they’re ruder, much ruder.

  4. Mark says:

    P.S. Do I need a pair of Comme des Garcons pants from PollyAnna? They’re only $189 with shipping, but I’m afraid Stacie might keep them from me.

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