Oooh, Demi Has a Lawyer!


Demi Moore has a lawyer and she’s not afraid to use him. She is threatening to sue the Internet for daring to accuse her of being photoshopped on the cover of W magazine. You can read her lawyer’s letter here.

Why does this woman get to be such an idiot?! Why doesn’t she have something better to do? Why are rich people so fucking delusional?

I’m sick of this bitch. I’m tired of her face, her child husband and her bad movies. I’m suing her ass.

Dear Mr Singer,

My client, Myself, is putting you on notice that unless your client, Ms. Moore, stops being a public nuisance, we will see you in court. My client has a right under the US Constitution to ‘the pursuit of happiness,’ which cannot be conducted under the present circumstances vis a vis Ms. Moore.

My client would like an apology from Ms. Moore for the continuing abuse of her celebrity. My client asks that Ms. Moore and that idiot she married stop tweeting, and tweeting about tweeting. They both need to go away and attend to the three daughters with the awful names and disfigured faces. They need to just shut the hell up, frankly, in order to restore my client’s relative serenity.

I really believe Demi Moore owes me an apology, along with Madonna, of course, who will have to kill herself on pay-per-view to make restitution for my pain and suffering.

Who owes you an apology?

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29 Responses to Oooh, Demi Has a Lawyer!

  1. WendyB says:

    God, I want to be photoshopped at all times. Even in real life.

  2. Alicia says:

    WendyB owes me an apology for pretending she isn’t gorgeous in real life…HUMPH!

  3. Daniel says:

    You owe me an apology Sister Wolf! 😉

  4. Juri says:

    Russel Brand owes me an apology for not going away, and another one for telling bad jokes and insisting on wearing jeans too tight for his fat ass. I know he can’t help having the horse’s gums that has, so it would be unfair to demand an apology for constantly exposing me to them, but the least he could do would be to keep his mouth shut in public. That would solve the joke problem as well.

    Marilyn Manson, Bret Michaels, Paul McCartney, Eminem, Adam Sandler, Bono, Sting, Dalai Lama (for letting others address him as his holiness), Pope (for the same reason)…

  5. arline says:

    I like Wendy, wishes I can be photoshopped in real life.

    I wonder why celebrities have to so fervently lie about what is obvious. Who cares if they tweak themselves. I don’t.

    Demi does make horrible movies, and her voice grates on my nerves. An apology to Sister from her would be enough for me.

  6. arline says:

    I make typos all the time. I wish I could be photoshopped.

  7. Dru says:

    How about Anja Rubik (the model whose body W stole to photoshop onto that picture) getting an apology from Demi too? Demi Moore can take her botox and shove it.

    Juri, there’s not much we can do about the Dalai Lama. I’ve always thought he was one of the more chilled-out religious leaders around (can’t say the same of the new Pope) and he gets a pass in my book for that. Though I might be biased because one of my best friends is a Tibetan Buddhist and I don’t like the idea of her glaring at me for suggesting she alter her mode of address..totally agree with you on Bono and Sting though. I cannot believe nepotism extends even to the children of the incredibly naff (his daughter has a record deal with HMV).

    Off topic, but since you sometimes like to talk about fashion bloggers, Sister, I’ve had a few surprises about a couple of the blogs I read back in the days of yore (aka 2006-07). One of the bloggers turned out to be a Ukrainian mail order bride (with a happy ending, she really loves the guy she married). Another went on a weekend trip to Stockholm and came back to find that her husband of less than a year had left her and vanished (this is a sadder story: she got a divorce and gave up her pet pig).

  8. Dru says:

    ^ I thought they made strange anecdotes..

  9. I’d like an apology from Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly, not to mention Sarah Palin, for filling me with a murderous rage every time I see them.

  10. Jenny Dunville says:

    Agree w/Iheartfashion. I also want an apology from the over 50 Hollywood females who are still sporting the little turned up nose of a 12 yr. old girl. This is what happens when you chop too much off the end of your nose (crop) and just like in photoshop, you can’t add the pixels back. Be proud of who the hell you really are and if you choose to edit the physical plant make sure you can live a lifetime with the results.

  11. Moda says:

    Demi Moore owes me a big one. Ashton Kutcher aaaarrrgggghhhh! Pope Benedict owes an apology to the whole world for being such a turd. Bloody Griff Rhys Jones (British “comedian”) for being an utter sleazy wanker. The Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus – I don’t think I have to explain those ones. Lilly Allen: she’s so unnecessarily bitchy. Sea from that shit blog. Gwyneth Paltrow – just too annoying with her patronising blog Goop or Gook or it should be renamed: Shit. All of the band Coldplay – too whiney. Sister Wolf I could go on all night but I’ve got to go out now.

  12. Better check the U.S. Constitution before suing. The “pursuit of happiness” phrase is in the Declaration of Independence, and isn’t a legal precedent.

    You have no right to be happy, but, then, I think you already figured that one out years ago.

  13. Sister Wolf says:

    WendyB – I’m with Alicia. You owe me an apology, too.

    Alicia – HMPH is right.

    sketch42 – correct.

    Daniel – How exciting! What should I be sorry about??

    Juri – YES, they owe me too, except for eminem, although I am guessing that he’ll owe me eventually.

    arline – Okay, I’ll share my apology from her, xo

    Dru – Oh god, Bono and sting, I have often wondered what I’d do if I ran into Bono and Sting but had ONLY ONE BULLET!

    Iheartfashion – Beck, Bill and Sarah…way more than an apology from those clowns.

    Jenny Dunville – Yep, the little noses are tragic.

    Moda – COLDPLAY, ugh, thank you. I would like to see your complete list.

    Peter – Yay, you area the first to correct me. I’ll bet YOU”RE happy! As for my rights…I’m not giving up, even though you have.

  14. Mr MDS owes me an apology for not getting me a glass of champagne quick enough to get over the Demi fiasco/nonsense. In fact Mr MDS and I need to apologise for not tweeting about our stuff in a competitive manner with Mr and Mrs Photoshop Moore.

    I need to apologise to all for my wrinkly expressive forehead, Hollywood will never want me as a director now as it proves that Demi is photoshopped.

    Put a price on your lawsuit!

  15. dust says:

    Oh, will this year finish already! We need new one, fast!
    I want an apology from the person who invented fireworks. Bastard died and left us with mass hysteria.
    All the others, too many to mention, can kiss my ass.
    I’m so ready for a completely new year, even if it’s just another day after tomorrow. It’s fake, but it’ll do.

  16. Dru says:

    Right on about Bono and Sting, Sister. I’d happily hand over my dad’s service revolver if you wanted to use it on them.
    I also think the Geldofs- parent and children, children being the annoying entitled cokehead whiner and the wannabe clotheshorse who looks like her face got run into a wall- should apologise for inflicting their famewhoring selves and their stupid names on me. They might not be as well known in the US, but I’m SICK of picking up my UK mags and seeing these stupid celeb spawn everywhere being treated like they matter (I don’t include Daisy Lowe in that category since she’s actually quite cute and doesn’t seem completely idiotic).

  17. Ann says:

    I require too many apologies from too many people, and it has come to my attention that maybe I’m the one who owes the apology. So, to that I say, I’m sorry, and I love you all!

  18. Alana says:

    I don’t know why she bothers me, but Hayden Panettiere owes me an apology. Kirsten Stewert and Robert Patterson for their god-awful emo acting in New Moon. And finally Annemarie. Oh and Peter Jackson.

  19. Penny says:

    Taylor Swift owes me an appology for being so annoying, and constantly talking about how one of the Jonas bothers dumped her stupid ass over the phone. No wonder he did it over the phone, she’s a total tart! So do those kids from those anti-smoking adds, every single time I see one of those adds I really want to take up the habit because I don’t want some teeny-boppers telling me what to do.

  20. Devin says:

    Miley Cyrus owes me an apology for being so annoying and that terrible song I hear on cab rides home….and because she had tiny chiclets teeth.

  21. definitely Twilight. ahaahhhhggg.

  22. Moda says:

    Kevin Costner, Simon Cowell for the self promotion, Brad Pitt for the moustache/ beard/facial hair/smugness, Ralph Fiennes for the English Patient, Catherine Malandrino for just being herself, Alexander McQueen – it’s a long story, Alexa Chung, Nicole Kidman, Kyle MacLachlan, Kiefer Sutherland, Charlie Sheen, Matthew Broderick… it’s not a complete list but really, I’d be here for a long time. Think I’ll be waiting just as long for the apologies though.

    Alana, I love your comment.

  23. Bevitron says:

    James Cameron owes me an apology on almost every possible level, and whoever started the whining/yodeling trend in female pop singing all those years ago, and someone I know who says “gambit” when she means “gamut”, and Cary Grant for getting old and then dead, and that girl in the Progressive Insurance commercials, and those fuckers who won’t buy my ebay shit, and Santy Claus and whoever made that lousy baclava I ate at Christmas.

  24. kristen says:

    my mother for my guilt, the boyfriend for not turning out to be completely perfect, the economy for putting me out of business, my landlord for hanging out in front of my apartment CONSTANTLY like i’m hostage.

  25. Sister Wolf says:

    Make Do – Tell him to get the champagne, or else!

    dust – YES, they can all kiss your ass, dust.

    Dru – The Geldofs, big apologies due from that lot. Especially the one with all the tattoos.

    Ann – No, I love you more.

    Alana – Hahaha! They DO owe you apologies but annemarie, you’ll have to sue.

    Penny – I WANT HER TO APOLOGIZE and then disappear.

    Devin – Oh god, is an apology enough? I feel she should disappear along with Taylor Swift.

    Denise – Yep.

    Moda – Oh Kevin Costner, ugh, enough from him!

    Bevitron – Hahahahahahahahahaha!

    kristen – Oooh, maybe you can actually get one from your mother. Try!

  26. Right now, my husband for not properly cleaning my breast pump parts. Then the usual celeb suspects like Sting, Gwynnie (ugh), and my ex-boyfriend who conveniently skipped steps 8 & 9 with me. Yes, this annoys me 15 years later as I unfortunately have to keep hearing about women he slept with while we were together.

  27. Im loving my new iPhone. Ive had some connection issues but seems my bumper has helped lots. Anyone know when the next generation of the iPhone is going to come out?

  28. aids news says:

    Thats very impressive with what you can do with leaves. What happens when the leaves become dried up?

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