My best friend washed my hair last night. It was matted and vomitty and she poured water over my head that ran down my back and drenched my borrowed dress. It was sublime. Today my sister came over and shaved my legs. She did a much better job than I’ve ever done. Maybe I can get her to do it from now on.
In the hospital, I shared a room with Dorothy, an 85 year old woman whose voice was weak and quavery. Poor Dorothy had been in the hospital for four weeks without getting a diagnosis. She complained that her hands and arms were purple from being stuck with needles.
Dorothy was miserable. She suffered endless indignities, like a night nurse who inquired loudly “You need go poo-poo?”
One day, Dorothy’s son came to visit. I couldn’t see them behind the curtain that divided our beds. The son had a deep booming voice and began reading letters from lawyers, concerning a quarrel over her estate. Her younger son was mentioned and characterized as a shyster. The Booming Man, Gene, wanted to be named executor of the estate, instead of the shyster. Dorothy was barely able to respond. She probably just wanted a sip of water or a bedpan.
One night I started crying and told Dorothy that I just wanted someone to shoot me. She answered back, “Me too.”
When I’m back on my feet, and I will be, I’m going to find Gene. I’m going to make him sorry for being a monster and a douchebag. I’m completely serious. That’s how I know I’m still me.
Nothing like hospitals to show up the flaws in people. Very sorry to hear of your accident, and I hope that the pain soon becomes more manageable. Or vanishes altogether.
I once endured 4 weeks with a pinched nerve in my lower back. I’ll never forget the initial sickening blast of pain I got when it first happened. But at least that healed quickly.
alias clio
Did you say somewhere how this happened? Did I miss it?
Dorothy can use a benevolent protector like you.
you know the myth how people were made of clay. well lawyers are made of shit! (and I should know). And the offspring is never too old to be smacked. Unfortunately, Dorothy doesn’t sound like an unusual or exceptional case.
Sister Wolf, this is so awful that you have to go through this. Perhaps you could work on a list of people to get (like the horrid son), once you can move again. How long are you going to be immobile for?
What actually happened? I’m with Wendy — I reread and can’t find it? I wish I was closer & could do something for you. I can’t begin to imagine. For my part, I can help you brainstorm a list of people to kick in the junk.
While things still sound terrible, I sense the Sistah W feistiness is on the wax. And with washed hair and shaved legs, you are ahead of me today 🙂 Still giving you lots of health vibes and I hope your next post is going to tell of more improvements still.
I hate Gene and I will help you kick his stupid lawyer ass.
I am so sorry this happened to you.
Sorry for being OT, but I just now saw your blog and noticed the reference to your having been an assistant to the famous advice columnist (or at least to whoever may have been writing under her name at that time). Did you know that after she died, a California sex columnist claimed to have been the high bidder on her desk, and revels in writing sex advice on the same surface as Abby herself? I think his column is called Savage Love, should be easy to google.
What kind of a shit-for-every-organ plastic-hearted asshole has the nerve to visit his mother’s hospital bed the way that Gene person did?! It’s one thing not to visit at all, but showing up with a pile of legal papers is a sin punishable by the slowest and most painful of deaths. The fucker!
Someone should call the “shyster” brother and have him accidentally drive over Gene a few times. That would teach him to boom for estates in a hospital.
Dorothy’s grievances aside, I’m glad you’re getting better and already planning on projects to plunge into once you’re on your feet. It’s wonderful that you’re still you.
Hospitals are soul destroying places…
you should drink more milk and take some calcium. maybe even develop yourself into a chublet! it would protect your bones from the earth…i know from experience.
i am also proud of you for not being angry at your dog….you are decent human being, no matter what anyone says.
A shampoo from a best friend sounds lovely. A sister who shaves legs is another blessing. But whacking Gene is reason enough to carry on. Stay strong, Sister!
I dont know you, but am so sorry for your trauma. It is unbelievable to me the way health care “professionals” work.
Are you in England or the States???
K
I think you should make a list of things you’re going to do when you’re healed. Obviously, Gene is number one. How ’bout another tattoo? Something about pain that’s neither corny nor smug. And then there’s all the new fall fashion…
Heal soon.
Love,
Mark
gene is the devil. Humans are fucked. Shitting is either overrated or underrated respectively. When it comes to husbands you have to pick the one
who will clean the commode matter of factly. Not the other guy. Now, who cares about any other guy and any fantasy of him BE.cause you know you picked the right one.
Will you take me to chemo, change my crap. without a doubt. that’s the love
of my life.
Then there is the life that will soon be again. Where you can look at purses in a store, go to cafe fifies, shit and flush and get up right away. All you have to do know is get better and noone wants anything else from you. I love you
godamnit.
I hear the fire in your words which can only mean Sister’s coming good. Till tomorrowxxx
I’ve just read your comment…you could always fill one of those adult diapers and fed ex it to Shoewawa’s HQ. Sign the card life doesn’t smell so rosy now, Imelda!
I think you could be a kick arse hospital visitor when you recover. Bring the dog. If you see any arsehole sons or lawyers; give ’em the lead…..
This is sad and you are brave. Good luck!
Hang in there. Best wishes.
I agree with all the above comments. Make him sorry.
what a lovely way to get better in the hospital, have your beloved offspring bickering over your will. this must be why hell was invented.
Oh Sister, my heart aches for you. This sounds just awful. I really hope you’re feeling better soon.
Btw, I just have to say that I’m a lawyer and some of us still have our souls intact, I promise.
http://www.shinylittlethings.com
Thank you so much for your good wishes and support. It is very meaningful to me and I appreciate every kind thought.
Gene is not a lawyer, but rather a greedy son who has engaged a lawyer to fight for his mother’s estate. I believe he is in ‘sales.’
I am about to go medieval on his ass (remember that?! Isn’t it fun to hear again?). I will be keeping you apprised of all developments on Project Gene.
Love & Gratitude,
Sister Wolf
I have been on holiday and just read your Pain Logs, I actually sat with my mouth gaping open when reading. You are marvellous, and so descriptive! I hope you feel better (I can sense it creeping back…) and dogs should always be forgiven. Kx
Have not been reading regularly but dropped by to discover the tale of woe. Really sorry to hear of your terrible experience and hope you are fit and well again soon.
Ok, I take back what I said about the dog. How are you feeling in yourself? I was in hospital once for ten days and it was hell. The worst was a combo of not being able to wash my hair and when the nurses turned me over. I’d had an epidural which meant I couldn’t feel my legs. it was bloody weird. Get well soon Sister!
Once again more sadness but I have no doubt you will spring back to raising hell in a matter of time and all goodness shall be restored on this earth. xoxo. (Sadly there’s a Gene in almost every family. . . gotta watch out for them).