In honor of the Jewish New Year, I am now ready to reveal my personal history with Sarah “Dumbass” Palin. We met during the Miss Alaska competition in 1984. Sarah was a total cunt even then, but she sucked up enough to be anointed with the Miss Congeniality award. She knew I was a much better flautist, and this bothered her so much that she spiked me with her cheap high heel just before the talent competition. I nearly bled to death backstage, but she never even apologized.
After humiliating herself with Katie Couric, Mrs. P had the audacity to return for another round, only this time she brought Grandpa to defend her. Watch Grandpa’s body language in this video as he tries not to explode and bash Katie Couric’s head in. I’d like to examine Cindy McCain for bruises, because it’s clear the Grandpa is a fucking vicious maniac.
Mrs. P is heading to Grandpa’s ranch in Arizona to “prepare” for her debate with Biden on Thursday. Which of the following scenarios is most likely to transpire?
1. The McCain operatives implant a chip in Palin’s head, enabling her to understand big words?
2. Track gets taken out by the CIA.
3. Biden comes down with the Black Plague.
4. Bristol has a miscarriage, requiring Mother’s presence at her bedside.
5. Bush has to bomb Iran late Thursday afternoon.
6. God sends word of an early Apocalypse.
7. The stock market collapses so thoroughly that all TV broadcasting must stop.
8. Grandpa threatens to expose Palin’s one grainy porn video unless she drops out as his VP.
Cast your vote or submit your own prediction!
Right…. and I said somewhere in my post that you weren’t entitled to your opinions? Defensiveness is almost as tiresome as self-congratulation.
Nick – I love that generator! I am gonna try to improve it…
Andy – Nope, we don’t get tired of it. It’s called “having fun.” We don’t want to kill ourselves or one-up each other on our nihilism. THAT is the shit that bores me, personally. ‘Having fun’ is better than trying to reason with that poor bastard “Jim,” don’t you think????
Hi Andy! That’s a stupid reason to decide not to be a liberal anymore, if you don’t mind my saying so. Also, what are you doing here anyway? Don’t you have more important things to do?
Andy is a friend of my cyber-friend Chip. He is a provocateur, so we can fight with him, play with him, or ignore him.
Some of Chip’s friends seem to lack a sense of humor, have you noticed this, Andy?
I said it was “one” reason, annemarie. Call me crazy, but I don’t like insufferable people and I find self-congratulation boring and pointless. And yes, I have more important things to do, but I just thought I would break up the monotony of 48 posts in a row of people indulging in a love-fest of themselves and a hate-fest of their enemies.
Sister, I don’t find it fun. And jim seems like a nicer guy than most of you– you all seem to enjoy bringing out the nastiest in each other. I like nice people better than mean people.
But we are not congratulating ourselves– we’re consoling each other! Oh, how you misunderstand us! And we are so nice as well!
OH, well, say no more! We are mean here, but we have nothing better to do. Thanks for stopping by to call us insufferable! xo
oops, we ARE nice as well, I forgot to tell him, annemarie.
Sister, I know you doubt my sense of humor, but I DO find it funny that you feel the need to tell your readers the range of options that they have towards me: ignore me, play with me, or fight with me. There’s another option: they can AGREE with me, right? Or is that not allowed? (I’d do one of those sideways winking smiley faces here, but that’d be too predictable…)
We COULD agree with you, if we were….CRAZY!
But I’m sorry Andy. Did you really want the last word? Ok. You can have it. Post another one of your insightful comments, and this time I’ll read it and really, really be affected by it. I’ll pretend to be too moved to answer back.
Andy, by “DO”, do you mean “DO NOT?” Because that was MEANT to be funny! So if you DO think it’s funny, then we are finally on the same wavelength. Somehow, I doubt it.
What bothers you about the brand of playfulness you see here?? Is it because it’s not intellectual? Please try to distill the problem for me.
Re Jim: He’s only nice if you agree that his suffering is noble and that poor him, he can’t kill himself. He is what I call insufferable. He insists that he has suffered more than anyone else…..I only wish I could persuade him to put a plastic bag over his fucking head. Now THAT’s my idea of funny!
Annemarie, we aren’t going to let Andy have the last word. He has better things to do!
Sister, I don’t care in the least about having the last word. And I did mean “do,” not “do not.” To answer your question, I don’t know how I can distill things to any greater extent than I already have. I’m not against “playfulness” or pointed satire (and I even thought your beauty pageant scenario where you ostensibly competed against Sarah Palin and she stepped on your hand with her high-heel shoe was kind of funny), but I don’t enjoy smugness and self-congratulation, and I don’t like meanness and cruelty. If someone disagrees with you, he may be wrong but that doesn’t make him stupid or bad. I don’t think that you or many of the people who post here grasp this fact. I wish you’d at least give the matter some thought.
Andy, okay. Am I coming off here as ‘smug?’ I think that if you were more familiar with my, ahem, ‘voice’ as a person and as a writer, I am kind of tongue-in-cheek when I complement myself or announce that I Rule. I am open about being a lazy, aging cunt maxed out on antidepressants.
I am genuinely trying to have fun here and to spread the joy of free-floating rage. I don’t think I’ve ever been mean to anyone for disagreeing with me! If someone insults me, I do react. You came and opened with ‘you guys are boring and insufferable!’ but I don’t think I rebuffed you in a mean way.
Now regarding Sarah Palin, I’m not being mean because I disagree with her, but because I hate the effrontery of this clearly unqualified and small-minded woman presenting herself as ‘ready’ to be vice president. All she does is kill innocent animals, bully her enemies, and reproduce.
I invite all arguments with anyone, about anything, and I never censor any comment (except ONE time when some guy insulted a commentor’s “tits.”)
Who the hell is this pathetic Andy dude?!! Sister Wolf, perhaps we should introduce him to the Russian Princess? Katie Couric, by the by, is my new hero. Damn, she’s been good, huh. The latest Roe vs. Wade interview – Palen always responds like she’s competing to become Miss America. How sad for America.
ps I’m straight, but I think I wanna have sex with Katie Couric. Who wouldn’t?
how about some ‘Katie Couric Rules’ T’s?
tell Andy Dudeski that apparently I have the last word. Not that I said anything of import, but it is past midnight.
Hmm, just read all of this delightful discourse. Andy apparently found himself in the wrong blog and wants to take umbrance. Well you know what pal, I’mm a relative newcomer to this site, but I think I caught on relatively quickly that I was with kindred souls. That’s why I stick around. If I wanted to debate you, I’d do that elsewhere.
As for Spalin, I think she’s utterly stupid. She has no idea what Roe v. Wade was all about outside of the abortion issue. Ask her what the Court actually decided. And she has no idea what the hell the Supreme Court’s role is in our governmental system. Of course, to ascertain that would have required that she pass a government or political science course. She gets an “A” in annoying cutsie and spin, but beyond that she’s clueless.
Looking forward to new fodder after the debate tonight. I hope they ask her what NORAD stands for!
as official liquid-hot rage-ball, i claim the last word. also, i declare this the 70th reply, because the number 69 was mocking me.
I found that last post amusing– see, I DO have a sense of humor! And I also now, ironically enough, have the last word. Take that, Palin-hatin’ bitches!
Last word, ha ha!
I been following your blog for 3 days now and i should say i am starting to like your post.. and now I already subscribe to your blog......