Sex With Cows Doesn’t Pay

NJ policeman Robert Melia is in trouble for ‘engaging barnyard animals in sex acts.’ He has already been charged with child molestation. Perhaps he turned to an understanding cow when he realized that sex with kids can be a risky business. I won’t be surprised if Mr. Melia accuses the cow of coming on to him. Those Zoophile guys are always convinced that the animal was flirting with them.

This story seems linked somehow to the trainer who was killed by a grizzly bear while they were filming a commercial. Rocky The Bear was a big star, having appeared with Will Ferrell in some stupid comedy.

Maybe animals want to be left alone. Maybe that bear was acting on the part of helpless cows! Maybe he was saying, “We like you humans well enough, but we don’t want to have sex with you or help you sell products!” Last month, a woman was conducting a show with two cheetahs at her Wildlife Conservation Center when they attacked her. She was bitten more than 40 times. You’d think they made their point, but no, the woman plans to continue her ‘work’ with big cats.

Let’s hope that Rocky The Bear isn’t put to death for acting like a wild animal. The real animal is Robert Melia.

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4 Responses to Sex With Cows Doesn’t Pay

  1. Suebob says:

    Oh, man, you’re going to get some weird google hits now.

    My 14-pound cat used to totally shred me sometimes, when we were playing. I only imagine how a 400 lb cat “plays” with its 2 inch long razor claws. NOT A GOOD IDEA, people.

  2. Mark says:

    Think of all the horrible celebrities Rocky the bear COULD have mauled, and he chooses a trainer? Come on, Rocky!

  3. Mark says:

    P.S. I lived on a ranch for a while, and cows can actually be quite coquettish when they want to.

  4. lindsey says:

    I find cows coquettish too, particuarily char-broiled and smothered in BBQ sauce. Dead sexy.

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