The Black Baby Gambit


This has got to be the most outrageous damage-control move in the history of publicists. Imagine being at the meeting where this story was hatched.

“Okay, we’ve got to change the narrative about Sandra, asap! The Nazi stories are killing us!”

“Yeah, this really sucks. If we don’t move quickly, Sandy will be strapped forever with the Cheating Nazi Husband image and that’s gonna sink her in the end. People are already saying that she must have known about Jesse.”


“Wait! I have an idea.”

“Fire away!”

“Well, it’s kind of crazy, but it just might work. Let’s say that Sandra has an adopted baby…”

“Naw, people will smell spin-control if she adopts now.”

“Right. But let’s say SHE ALREADY HAS AN ADOPTED BABY! She’s been keeping it secret, though.”

“But why would she do that?”

“Oh, who cares. Just hear me out. Not only a baby, but a BLACK BABY!”


“Listen, think about it! This will change the Sandra Bullock narrative overnight! No one will give a shit about the Nazi husband and the strippers.”

“Oh man,   it’s a no brainer! Genius! Call Sandy and then get someone to go track down a baby and make sure it’s black.”


“Too slow. Go local.”

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45 Responses to The Black Baby Gambit

  1. Miggs says:

    Even the baby looks unimpressed.

  2. boat house says:

    You forgot to add this:

    “send over a selection for her to look at”

  3. julie says:

    Perhaps more disturbing about this cover: Julia Roberts still on People’s Most Beautiful.

    The black baby only intensifies that Jesse is the Nazi.
    Not poor Sandra! Shes the saint!
    Also, I second that unimpressed baby statement.

  4. Haha! Brilliant resume – bonkers cover and headlines!

  5. Randee says:

    I tried to adopt a black baby – it was a foster baby of a totally irresponsible woman who kept kids sick for extra money. (the foster system is really corrupt!) I took the baby and told her to keep the check or I would report her to CPS. I had this baby for 8 months. He went to another foster home for 5 months and he and his 2 yr old sister were given back to the crack addict mom. This lasted exactly 9 months when the 43 yr old mom had her 9th crack baby and all three were taken away again. I filed for defacto parent status, had a fabulous big remodeled house and was not allowed to see this baby because CPS wanted to place the Black baby with a Black family!!!

    Guess you have to be a celeb to get a Black baby.

    On another note, if anyone knows anything about the system, I went all the way to the State Head Ombudsman and I want to pursue this further.

  6. Ann says:

    I do call bullshit with this out-of-nowhere ethnic adoption.

    The picture of Sandra & the baby reminds me of the scene in Best in Show where Eugene Levy is holding up Winky, his Norwich terrier, after they’ve won the dog show. Winky had the same look on his face.

  7. David Duff says:

    Are you absolutely certain that is an adopted baby? I mean, exactly how well does Sandra know Tiger? Not that I’m one to spread stories, oh no, perish the thought … still …

  8. Konnie says:

    Excerpt from a related report I just read on Yahoo!:

    The sleeplessness almost any new mother knows remained a mystery to Bullock’s makeup artist, who wondered why she needed “copious amount of concealer.”

    Ahahahahaha, ok, now we really have proof that the whole secret adoption story is true!

  9. Heinous says:

    OT but can I chime in with another blog?

    I can’t do justice with a summary, just check it out (if you haven’t already)

  10. Faux Fuchsia says:

    Boat House that is the funniest comment ever.

  11. Iron Chic says:

    I find it hard to believe with all the other intimate dirt they dug up about Jesse James and his parade of skanks, that NOBODY picked up on the adoption story!?!
    Her stepkids kept it a secret?

  12. Jenny Dunville says:

    HA! Funniest play-by-play ever. Made my morning.

  13. honeypants says:

    Don’t forget that the baby came from New Orleans, her beloved second home (where unwanted black babies are a dime a dozen*). She’s also donated tons of money to one of the predominantly black high schools in town. Additionally, it came right after the Blind Side, where she “adopted” a black boy. Both of these things add credence to the story. Though I will admit the timing is impeccable.

    *I can say this, because I live in NOLA

  14. the real andrea says:

    If you have seen all the coverage on the TV and cable stations, it did work. One quote “she handled this whole thing with such grace!”. Bla, bla, bla, bla. Makes me sick.

  15. the real andrea says:

    and one more thing. Aren’t adoptions filed with the court? I know sometimes the biological parent isn’t named, but what about the date of the adoption?

  16. Jill says:

    I hadn’t even thought about it this way! I’m naive. I was just glad she bought local.

    I think this is the issue that the El Paso Symphony Youth Orchestra is featured. We won a Clorox grant. Thanks for stealing our thunder!

  17. WCGB says:

    Can’t wait to see who’s handbag she picks to carry him in.

  18. Pudfish says:

    Is this for real? It is too much like Bruno and his baby, priceless.

  19. daniel says:

    Not just a black baby , but a genetically “superior” black baby

  20. Straight out of Bruno!

  21. TheShoeGirl says:

    LOL! So good.

    And ya, like she could keep a baby a secret for this long. Can you imagine? Although she must have tons of baby stuff in there- cribs, toys, etc. She DID get those things in there without notice… Hmm.

  22. Artful MJ says:

    I think the baby is thinking something along the lines of “don’t hate the player, hate the game.”

  23. Dru says:

    The baby’s expression is priceless.

    Heinous- The girl honestly doesn’t seem that bad. Sure, she has a ton of designer stuff and dresses in tons of leather, band t-shirts, costume jewellery and shredded things but it’s kind of understandable since her husband is a member of Pentagram.
    Also, she’s pregnant and fashion blogging- that’s got to be a first, and I guess her pregnancy wardrobe isn’t going to be as dull as that mom woman Sister Wolf once posted about.

  24. Dru says:

    Sorry I went OT up there. About adoptions, how long does it take to complete one in the US and get a baby home, anyway? I have no idea of the timeframe of these things.

  25. H says:

    Apparently, in the interview Sandra says she’s had a bris/ brit milah for the baby. I cringe at the clumsiness of that very obvious pr trick.

    Dru – I read a recent online interview (March, I think) with the husband where he said he was really struggling financially and that his wife had to get medicaid during her pregnancy because of his economical problems. That comment does not go well with the blog, aka cornucopia of consumption of overpriced goods. Also… “investing” in a jacket is almost as bad as “curating” coats.

  26. dust says:

    She’s full of bollocks. What a stupid way of life, do celebrities have a free will at all or they get the script from PR agency? If that’s a price of fame, I don’t want it.
    Off course she needed a ton of concealer, how else can one get that fresh&natural look.

  27. Dru says:

    H (Heinous?)- I give up, then. My baseline assumption with fashion blogs is that the bloggers can afford whatever it is they’ve bought, or that it’s been sent to them. Other people’s budgets are not my business- if you have the money, it’s yours to spend. But if her husband has publicly spoken about money troubles, you’re right- one wonders how to reconcile it with the seeming flow of expensive shoes/clothes she has.

    At least they seem affectionate towards each other, though.

  28. erika says:

    Dru- I have really nice things and I am severely underpaid right now. It’s not hard to have nice stuff, especially clothes, shoes. There’s way too much stuff out there now.

    The baby thing is weird but at least the kid will have a comfy home. I want Oprah to adopt me.

  29. Joy D says:

    by the by there was a sex tape that circulated about Bullock involving Nazi what have yous as well. I think anyone that adopts a child as an accessory is in the category of crazy mother. Her last role in a film made me so uncomfortable as both a woman and an African American. I used to like her….

  30. H says:

    Excuse me for being off topic-
    Dru, I’m a different H than Heinous! And I would agree with Erika, but it just doesn’t seem normal to not spend money on medical care but rather brand clothes? Oh well, it’s too easy to scrutinize other people’s lives. With that said, I’ve just read a lot of comments from people online attending the recent Pentagram shows (ha, I had to google her husband after she said fans of Pentagram were ‘hating on her’) that claim that he isn’t sober at all. That’s depressing, since you’re right about them seeming affectionate.

  31. Dru says:

    erika- I know that not all nice things, or even designer things, are necessarily acquired at outrageous prices (quite a few things my own rather frugal mother owns would bear witness to that).
    It’s just that new designer stuff at retail, i.e. not on sale or vintage/secondhand, is almost always very expensive, this girl seems to be piling up a lot of it as she goes, and her husband has gone on the record about their financial difficulties. I’m not saying people like us (ie not rich)shouldn’t have or buy nice things, but if if you’re having money worries it can get a bit problematic really.

    I like the kid’s expression. It’s a single-picture summary of the words “What’re you looking at?”

  32. Dru says:

    H- sorry for the identity mixup! A couple of my friends are Pentagram fans, but I’ve never really been into hard rock, so I felt only mild curiosity about him, and now I feel icky for talking about her. I hope he is actually sober, though, for the sake of them and their future kid.

  33. Alicia says:

    Now this, THIS, is a believable story!

  34. Kapaali says:

    It’s NOT bullshit. I’m from New Orleans. Sandra Bullock has donated THOUSANDS of dollars to charities down here since Katrina. In fact, she practically adopted an entire school, paying for new uniforms, renovations, new musical instruments for the band, new books, college scholarships…you name it, she did it. Normally you’re right on the mark and I appreciate your sarcasm and vitriol, but this time, I think you’re flat out wrong, Sister. And yes, there ARE a lot of black babies down here that need to be adopted. Y’all wouldn’t believe the poverty and race issues we have in this town. Do some homework.

  35. Siouxsie Law says:

    Whatever the real story is, her decision to use the baby as a prop on the cover of People calls her motives into question. I would even go so far as to nominate Sandra Bullock for cunt of the week.

  36. kate says:

    I second H. on the bris issue. This stunt, apparently pulled because Sandra couldn’t leave the house with her baby to get him circumcised in a hospital and therefore had to rely on a rabbi, has led the rags to gossip that Sandra’s Opera-singing German mother may have been Jewish or that the baby himself is Jewish.

    Whether either of these is true, where are all of these adoptable Jewish heritage babies so I can have one? Mamah might finally forgive me for refusing to procreate and insisting on future adoption.

  37. Aja says:

    I think adoption is wonderful. And I really don’t think this is some sort of quick fix PR stunt. I’m happy that the child has found a loving home. And what a cute baby!

  38. arline says:

    Its hard to know what to believe when it comes to media, and it sure is easy to make assessments and assumptions based on limited information.

    I have never cared for the Sandra Bullock persona, or her acting, but I don’t know the real person behind her image. I hope that that baby was in fact placed in a loving home.

  39. Hammie says:

    This reminds me of being at high school and wanting a beautiful black American baby. I went to highschool in a wasp/catholic mining town in southern Australia.
    Maybe this was Sandra’s dream, maybe tis why Jesse strayed- he needed a whore now Sandy was a Madonna.

    But don’t do a cover Sandy- is it photoshopped?


  40. OMGGMAB says:

    A better late than never comment: I’ll bet Bullock got that baby the same place S. Palin got hers. Babybrokersrus. And now we shall call the series of events leading up to the adoption revelation “Sandra’s wild ride.”

  41. dust says:

    for a moment there Hammie, you got me thinking “is baby photo-shopped on Bollocks?”. That was a scary though….

  42. Father Time says:

    Coming from a rainbow tribe, we used to imagine what it would be like to get adopted by a rich white lady… ***she’d be an old white lady and rich and buy us stuff and clean stuff and and cook us funny sandwiches with no crust and be negligent and buy us stuff***. he’s so doomed and lucky.
    His ‘kiss my black a$%’ expression is amazing.
    But what these celebrities don’t get is that all of these adopted babies will eventually learn to talk…an angsty black teen with a plethera of complexes, a shit ton of money and an identity crisis is recipe for hollywood disaster.

  43. eliraz says:

    wow what a bunch of pessimistic old cows we have here.. of COURSE she did it for publicity, no one would ever adopt a black baby out of the goodness of their heart!

    as a young black woman who was adopted by a single white (well Jewish- but still) woman, I say good for Sandra! we need more people like her in the world.

  44. Have a great day! Thanks for sharing. :0

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