The New 63

the new 63

The New 63 is the same as the old 63, but with more resentment and defensiveness.

I hesitated to write this post about my birthday, since my age would be off-putting to young people. Who cares what an old bag thinks about anything?

Well, the hesitation is the essence of the New 63.

Aging has become a real detriment (if not an outright crime) in some circles. The Daily Mail likes to show pictures of actresses on the beach with titles like “Still hot at 45!”  It stops me in my tracks every time, like, what do they expect, a fucking mummy at 45 years old?

45 was great. I was probably a babe but I can’t remember because I just turned 63.

I’m way beyond relevant as a blogger. Luckily, my identity isn’t invested in being an Influencer. I write because I need to. I work out my shit online, with your help.

But our culture values youth above all else.  In L.A., where I live, women dress like their daughters and wear fake nails. I feel sorry for them, even though I’m still wearing the same stuff I liked to wear as a teenager.

That’s because I forget that I’m not the same me I feel like.

Inside, I’m just as stupid and insecure, lazy, confused, rebellious, sarcastic and lost as the me I’ve been all my life.

When I was 18, my best friend and I planned to be spinsters together in old age. We would dress like Victorian widows and scream at little kids from our window. Somewhere along the line, we let that dream go.

My mother-in-law will be 100 in January, and she says I’m just a kid. She doesn’t complain about being old; it’s what her generation expected.

Can you imagine?! I could never put up with thirty-five more years of this!

Meanwhile, I have very little wisdom to impart except WEAR SUNBLOCK and try to marry someone who will love you even as you are shrieking “I look like a Sumo wrestler!” while grabbing a handful of your own flab.

That is love and love is the answer.

But getting old is still pretty horrifying.



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26 Responses to The New 63

  1. gerald thorp says:

    yes….marry someone who is deteriorating at your pace, lest you be lonely…..and if kids relate to you… need to move that windowless white van……

  2. David Duff says:

    Happy birthday, kid – and yes, from my 77-year-old pinnacle, you’re definitely a kid to me!

  3. Heidi says:

    I hope I’m still as cool as you when I’m 63. You’re reminiscing about 45, which is where I’ll be in a week or so and I’m not looking forward to that. Not because it’s old, but because it’s just a reminder that I’m already falling apart and it’s not going to stop. Not that I’m a mummy though. And I’m still 14, just like you’re still whatever age it is that you are inside. BTW, your nails look fabulous!

  4. Andra says:

    Believe it or don’t, it really gets better as you get older.
    People in shops and offices are much nicer to old people I’ve found so just enjoy it and remember – every day above ground is a good day.
    Anyway, I refuse to die – I might miss something.
    Hang in there, kid, and hang on for the ride.

  5. Mr. Picodogg says:

    I’ll bet everything, you were never better.

  6. Dj says:

    The hair! The nails! The red lips! The face! The insouciance!

    Beautiful, fabulous and a bright light…happy birthday dear know you are loved!

  7. Miranda Mitsouko says:

    You look fabulous! And, you’re talented as well. I am older than you, but as my ex-“boyfriend” (musician) said: “You don’t act it; and you don’t look it; so you ain’t it.” ????

  8. Miranda Mitsouko says:

    Didn’t insert these: ????. Site doesn’t allow beauteous rose emoticons. XO

  9. betty says:

    Dear Sister,
    You look beautiful as I’m sure you did at 23, 43 and 53…but I can also speak to the dread — not of aging, really, but of living in a world where aging (especially for we ladies) is the ultimate sin. I had to share this – last night I attended a focus group here in Canada sponsored by a bank looking for the reactions of 50 – 65 year old single ladies, to a new marketing campaign. Our homework was to watch 2 versions of a draft commercial, depicting seniors of all stripes ‘fully engaged in life, dammit!!!’ — diving, dancing, 2 old men locked in their wedding kiss, flying, soaring, you get the picture. Our computer webcams recorded our facial reactions, apparently. So at the end of the session, the ‘facilitator’ told the 6 of us the results of the facial analysis: the key reactions in rank order were: 1. neutrality 2. anger 3. sadness. Amen. (But I got $175 for the 2 hours which I plan to use to colour my greying hair….)

  10. You are a beauty. You are loved. Its sad we are not who we used to look like, but we get closer with age to who we are, I believe.We all look at the same stars.Love ya babe!

  11. Andra says:

    Betty, if you need $ 175 to colour your hair you’re being ripped off. Look around.

  12. Bevitron says:

    Sister, you look WAY better than just beautiful (yeah, you do) – you look cool and smart and intriguing. I love your hair!! and that you can show red lipstick who’s boss. I’ve got 4 years on you. You want to see flab?? I’ll show you flab!!

    I discovered you a forever ago in comments on the old Blowhards blog (a place I had absolutely no business visiting), and I loved how you could dialogue and hold your own with that hard-ass crowd. You’re just as insightful and relevant right now, only more so. Happy birthday!!

  13. Sisty says:

    Your age is not what’s off-putting to young people, it’s those blue talons. All kidding aside, you’re very cool and doing great.

  14. Nice piece I know your husband from way back in the day. Firstly you don’t look 63 making Robert a damn lucky man! I try to bring up age discrimination in comedy like the Boston Comedy Festival had 96 entries “Acts” that performed and kind of competed. When I missed out via my entry the 2nd year in a row; I asked how many performers were over 50? The answer came back irritatingly “We have blah blah blah this year and he’s 54!”

    So almost an even distribution at 96 a 100 is often used to determine a median distribution of people. ONE OUT OF A 100 BASICALLY? COME ON MAN!? WE REPRESENT THE GENERATION THAT STARTED THE WHOLE COMEDY CLUB THING!


  15. Sister Wolf says:

    gerald – Deteriorating at your own pace….perfect!

    David – Thanks grandpa! XO

    Marky – Right??

    Heidi – 14, me too!!!!!! You will always be cool, are you kidding? I love you, I’m sorry!

    Andra – I want some of your brain chemicals or however you acquired your joie de vivre! You always inspire me. xoxo

    Dj – How nice of you! Thank you so much! XO

    Miranda – Thank you! Did you find yourself another musician? ?

  16. Meliss says:

    You are so beautiful! God, I hope I look even a tiny bit as good as you when I hit my sixties, but I don’t think many people are that fortunate. Sorry, I just had to stop lurking after all these years to tell you that you are physically one lucky bitch. Also thanks for all of your fabulous writing!

  17. Stephanie says:

    Us old Classy Broads need to stick together.
    Congrats & Inky x’s,

  18. Suspended says:

    My theory, and one that I have whole heatedly embraced, is that you are always young so long as you’re getting older. I know, I know, it sounds like a bit of a mind fuck but let me explain….Whenever you look back at old pics, you are younger, so you are technically always young. My 40yr old self thinks my 30yr old self was young and my 60yr old self will think my 40yr old self was young. So lets just embrace the ages we are now and be young……but with more fucking wisdom!

    Happy Birthday Sis. Sending love, hugs, buttery toast (and imaginary tickets to Lourdes.) Thank you for keeping us all in love, loathing and laughter for all these years. xxx

  19. Gina Carpellotti says:

    Happy Belated Birthday!

  20. Sally says:

    Hello Beautiful Lady,

    + H a P p Y + B i R t H d A y + S i S t e R +

    All the best to you and yours. Have loved your writing for years, keep going.

    You look amazing but I feel bad saying that. Love, Sally.

  21. Sister Wolf says:

    Meliss – Wow, that’s nice of you to say, and I’m glad you took the time to comment. My commenters are my higher power so much of the time. xo

    Stephanie – Plus we have great taste in music.

    Suspended – I like your thinking here. Thank YOU for creating the Lourdes itinerary and wardrobe. It is a priceless gift I will always treasure. Never leave me!

    Gina – Thank you!

    Sally – Haha, don’t feel bad, thank you for sticking around and for taking the time to comment. xo

  22. Jaimi says:

    Happy belated birthday! You look fucking fantastic. I rarely comment, but I always always love your writing and rants.

  23. Sister Wolf says:

    Jaimi – Thanks, that is so nice of you! Feel free to comment any time xo

  24. Debbie says:

    I’ve ALWAYS thought you were so cool looking and hip and you have great skin and beautiful hair. My hair used to be beautiful but now it behaves like a cotton ball. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SISTER!!

  25. Aly says:

    You are beautiful! Of course I could be biased because I find your blog amazing.

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