The Thrill of Neiman Marcus


For the first time in months, I went out to shop today! My BF took us to Neiman Marcus, where we saw LaToya Jackson in the men’s department wearing a red Santa hat and sporting a bubble butt that jiggled wildly but still looked fake.

In the shoe department, the sale racks were overflowing with eye-popping high-end monstrosities by the usual designers.   I thought it would be nice to try on some $1,500 alligator wedges. I would rather die than try to walk in shoes like this, since I clearly have trouble walking in flat athletic shoes.

I was transfixed by an awful woman trying on some high suede boots. She modeled them in different positions as though trying out for a contest of some kind. Her legs were as thin as my arms but her lips were inflated enough to save at least half of the passengers on the Titanic. I hope she bought the boots.

Upstairs in the clothing department, a woman who looked like Terry Hatcher kissed up to a woman with awful frizzy red hair, who revealed that she was up for a directing award. Terry gushed that she always saw Frizzy on Facebook, but Frizzy insisted that she rarely logged in.

It was a joyous day, and I achieved a dizzying level of shopping-endorphins without having to spend any money. Like any addict, I can’t wait to do it again.

leather jacket by Gar-de, ill-fitting old jeans by Wrangler, blue shoes by Adidas, Chanel bag, cane from Rite-Aid.

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17 Responses to The Thrill of Neiman Marcus

  1. alittlelux says:

    come and not shop with me! you can watch all the crazies fight over the last bedazzled cashmere sweater and try and convince me that it should be even more on sale than it already is. it will be fun i swear. i’ll even buy you a drink at charlie palmer!

  2. Vee says:

    You look serene and lovely, despite that absolutely ridiculous-looking orange shoe on your foot!

  3. Glad to see you out and about. The cane is a hawt look, they’ll all be sporting one in there tomorrow!

  4. sarah.p says:

    You look just like how I imagine the Virgin Mary would have ended up at 36, if only she’d hung out with the cool crowd and carried condoms.

    I’ve been doing a lot of Etsy not-shopping, which is even more satisfying ‘cos in my head everything fits and looks amazing (rather that than cram my English pear-hips into a brutally lit changing room, and come out in floods of tears).

  5. Aja says:

    Neiman’s does bring that charge though. Even if you leave empty handed (as I often do). Some of the usual suspects at Neimans have the worse plastic surgery known to man kind. I sometimes drag my Mum with me just to see the expression on her face when a botched up plastic surgery job goes walking by.

  6. WendyB says:

    I’m still trying to get my head around this: “LaToya Jackson in the men’s department wearing a red Santa hat and sporting a bubble butt that jiggled wildly but still looked fake.”

    I can’t do it!

  7. Alicia says:

    What a terrifying site that must have been…I mean LaToya. So it was jiggly and fake?


  8. tin lizzie says:

    Well you’re a better sport than I am. It depresses me to go shopping when I don’t have any money. I do love the boots on the bottom left of the picture. Maybe LaToya was wearing those chicken cutlet things to enhance your butt.

  9. dust says:

    OOOOh! Cane is cool. Are we gonna get video post soon? Please… You must leave the old shity year behind with a deafening rant!

  10. annemarie says:

    those shoes look bigger than your head!

    would love to trawl through Neiman Marcus with you sometime…

  11. 3 days ago we’re shopping on a home depot (yeah no shoes for me) and i saw this woman with a huge ass, tits and a tiny tiny nose. Almost no nostrils. I knew that her ass is a fake cos no Filipino has a tiny narrow nose. haha.

    btw i love your blue shoes. looks like you had a nice day watching all the rich loony people.

  12. arline says:

    What is with the fake ass? Seriously, do people really do that shit?

  13. Bevitron says:

    Fake ass? Fake ass? I got here late & must confess I haven’t gone through all the comments (I just saw “fake ass” out the corner of my eye) but that thing about LaToya’s possible fake piqued my interest. I could be an ass donor if anybody needs an ass transplant. No, not a donor – what do you call it, I guess I could offer a lipo transfusion to fill out someone lacking in bulk. It seems more altruistic to help someone else’s ass out rather than just cut mine down to size and throw the excess away.

    I’m so glad you got to go shopping finally. MORE shopping for you, I say!

  14. hoochiegucci says:

    But will those mother fuckers give me the left shoe to my beautiful Chanel right shoe in time for NYE?

    NO THEY WON’T!!!!!

    Fuck Needless Markup and the horse they rode in on.

    Needless and Vivienne can go choke on the remnant of a juicy couture sweatsuit for all I care.

    I’m glad someone stole your earrings….kind of.

  15. The more I read your blog, the more I wonder if you were so unhappy in 2009 because you insisted on seeing the worst in everything around you, or if you insist on seeing the worst in everything…you know the rest.

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m not always the sunny-side-up gal either, but if I spent as much time picking the people and things around me apart and just looking for their worst points, making fun of them, belittling and insulting them, and generally spewing vitriol left and right around me as you do…well, I’d probably be a pretty miserable person.

    I’m not saying there’s nothing bad in the world. Sometimes the amount of stupidity I see around me both astounds and discourages me. But it’s not the only thing I ever look at, you know?

  16. hoochiegucci says:


    Love Raison Girl’s post……what a stupid cunt!

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