When Max was little, he used to love trucks. He was especially fond of trash trucks, which weren’t automated in those days. The trash man had to pick up the cans and empty them into the truck. The whole operation was very noisy.
Every Thursday morning, at the sound of the truck in front of our house, Max would scream excitedly: “TASH TUCK!” We would stand at the window to watch.
One day, the driver noticed Max at the window. He was a big black guy in a sanitation department uniform, wearing a cap and gloves. The guy waved, and smiled. I can still see his face, lit up by the dazzling grin.
I said something like, “Look honey, the guy is waving to you!” Max nearly had a heart attack from sheer joy.
What a great trash guy! What a great moment! I have always treasured it, like so many others, small moments that make up your life as a mother. You think they’ll stretch out ahead of you into the future – forever.
I called a hot-line tonight, for the first time. A very nice lady named Ginger was there to help. I wish she could fix everything.
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O O *** <— tash tuck?
<3
That is a beautiful memory. I’m going to hug my mom. I think we forget how much love our parents have for us sometimes.
I also feel I should say that your son loved you very much. Life is very hard sometimes. I am sorry that he had to go through what he did and that you also have to go through so much. I am sure he would not want you to feel so much pain or sadness.
I turned on my TV the other day just as Max and his slide guitar came bursting out of the “Nickel and Dimed” meat-locker. It was cool to see him on the big screen.
btw thanks for sharing the tash tuck story; I like to think of you as a happy young mother and Max as an exuberant little boy…
Jlynn – !!!!!!!!!! My heart just skipped a beatT Thank you SO MUCH for this. xoxo
cat – Ah what a cute tash tuck! Big blessings to you and xoxo
Forgive yourself, Sister Wolf, as you would forgive others.
Max already knows how you feel about him and he would want you to find the peace of mind and happiness that you deserve. Release yourself from the hurt and anger so that your relationship with Max can become even more honest, open and profound than before.
And in case you need to be reminded, you are already loved, for who you are. 🙂
Thank you Sister Wolf.
Sister-
I read this and Im scrambling everywhere to find a box of kleenex. What can I say, Im an emotional person. I lost my best friend and former boyfriend almost 2 years ago now in a freak accident that still can never be explained. I know its totally different since your a mom but this story about the truck reminded me of him. His dad owned a construction company and he grew up with a passion for trucks. Everytime we drove past one he’d point with the kind of excitement a kid who visits the zoo for the first time has. Thanks to him I know all different kinds of trucks and escavators—useless info to me but a reminder of how we remember these things so clearly when the people we love are taken from us.
lefacade
ps. Ive been reading your blog and Im trying to start my own. your my biggest inspiration at the moment but honestly it sucks at the moment. working on it!
http://www.lefacade.blogspot.com
OMG. Ok, I’m just putting the pieces together here. Sister Wolf, I am so sorry for your loss. This is my greatest fear. Last year my best friend was killed by a drunk driver in front of her 3 & 5 year old daughters, & her husband was almost killed in the accident too. Sometimes things happen & we are like WTF??!!! But the story doesn’t end there. It’s what we do with it as we walk through the grief & anger. For instance, my friend’s husband has forgiven the man responsible for the accident. He went to speak on his behalf at his trial because there had already been enough grief & heartache. The two of them went on to produce a video together against drunk driving that will be shown at local high schools. Unfortunately this loss is part of your testimony now. But look what you are already doing with it! You are rising up. Even if you can’t see it, I can & I don’t even know you! Peace be with you. I will be reminded to pray for you continually as I wear my wolf necklace. 😉
I teared up unexpectedly while reading this entry Sister Wolf…thanks for sharing.