When this green jacket was delivered, I was afraid to open the package. But like so many things that are scary at first, it was fucking fabulous.
This is the most beautiful garment you can imagine. Softest lambskin, velvety soft suede collar thingy, the hardware is so sleek and well-designed that it just snaps into place, and god bless Mary, there’s a tiny inner pocket tipped in silver leather.
My husband liked it, too! When I informed him, “If it had a dick, I would blow it!” he did wince a little. He thought I was vulgar, and I’m ashamed of myself, almost. Should I have said “cock?”
The poor man has married a vulgarian, and he deserves so much better. He’s the best husband! I would never cheat on him with this jacket. But don’t think I won’t be giving it a sneaky feel now and then.
P.S. Notice how I didn’t use the words “smitten,” “epic” “insane” or “sick.” This is why I rule.