Vulgar Ode to the Green Jacket

When this green jacket was delivered, I was afraid to open the package. But like so many things that are scary at first, it was fucking fabulous.

This is the most beautiful garment you can imagine. Softest lambskin, velvety soft suede collar thingy, the hardware is so sleek and well-designed that it just snaps into place, and god bless Mary, there’s a tiny inner pocket tipped in silver leather.

My husband liked it, too! When I informed him, “If it had a dick, I would blow it!” he did wince a little. He thought I was vulgar, and I’m ashamed of myself, almost. Should I have said “cock?”

The poor man has married a vulgarian, and he deserves so much better. He’s the best husband! I would never cheat on him with this jacket.   But don’t think I won’t be giving it a sneaky feel now and then.

P.S. Notice how I didn’t use the words “smitten,” “epic” “insane” or “sick.” This is why I rule.

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25 Responses to Vulgar Ode to the Green Jacket

  1. Superb and elegant. A superlative purchase, Madame!

    8¬}D-

  2. hammie says:

    Much better on you than on the other model.
    xx

  3. annemarie says:

    Jesus, it really does look better on you than on the model. Beautiful!
    And nice arse too!

  4. Stella Mayfair says:

    My dearest Sister, you also rule because you’re not afraid to blow a good jackets private parts, even if they’re supposed to be green. Tehee! Where exactly does one find that, err, jacketdick?

  5. TobiLynne says:

    I LOVE that jacket. LOVE!

    And I imagine your husband was well aware or your vulgarity long before he married you. Funny though, they seem to need the occasional reminder. I’ve had to exclaim (several times) “You knew what this was!” myself.

  6. Sal says:

    It’s a stunner, all right. Well played, Sister. Again!

  7. K-Line says:

    Oh, you look UNBELIEVABLY AWESOME in this. Excellent call. Altogether mistress of a rock star. And of course, I mean that as a compliment.

  8. Deni says:

    I’m green with . . . no, wait, it’s your jacket that’s . . . absolutely . . . marvelous . . . because you make it so . . . and I don’t find your language vulgar . . . unless . . . truth is such . . . (what’s with the dam ellipses).

  9. Jill says:

    Green is your color, Chica!! That hair, those lips, your nails…wowza! (I just said Wowza…fuck, don’t tell anyone). I’ve been told men like cock better than dick. You should take a survey. I think you have more male readers than me.

  10. WCGB says:

    “…tipped in silver leather.” Sigh.

  11. annemarie says:

    I am pretty sure men like “cock” better than “dick” as well. It sounds more important.

  12. ambika says:

    Jacket=fabulous. & I’m glad I (rarely I think) use those words, too. *Especially* smitten.

  13. Angie says:

    It’s flashy and I like it!

  14. Suebob says:

    Looks great on you

  15. David Duff says:

    I think you should rename this site “Goddamit I’m Sad”.

    Still no smile!

  16. I’m loving the green jacket and am also tremendously envious of the red nails, your hair..etc. etc. (ouch) the ouch was due to Madonna hitting me with her stupid head gear because once again she is reminded of all the money she spent and you’ve just got it!

  17. WendyB says:

    Perhaps your husband would have preferred the word “fellatio”?

  18. Lauren says:

    It’s bitchin Sister, I love it!

  19. you rule because you are totally rocking that green jacket hard. And those jeans, hot!

  20. arline says:

    Beautiful jacket, I Just love green.

    Be vulgar, be brazen it suites you.

  21. Sister Wolf says:

    Sardonique – Your endorsement is all I need, xo

    Hammie -Surely not!!

    annemarie – You will have it as soon as I’m dead.

    Stella – Matthew Izzo online, with coupon!

    TobiLynne – We will have to needlepoint that reminder.

    Sal – Yay for me!

    K-Line – A great compliment, thank you!

    Deni – If only that fucker would give you some money…

    Jill – Hahaha! Men, do you like cock?

    WCGB – I know, it kills me too. It’s so poignant.

    annemarie – Does it sound harder to you, as well? I think cock is harder.

    ambika – Smitten is just horrible.

    Angie – Thank you, I am flashy AND vulgar!

    Suebob – Thanks. come over and visit it some time.

    David – I already told you! Unless you crack a joke, I can’t smile at a camera!

    Make-Do – Ha, eat your heart out, Madge.

    Wendy -That would be “fellate” and I’m guessing No.

    Lauren -Thanks!!

    fashionherald – jeans= Urban outfitters, $59 and very stretchy.

  22. Mark says:

    *A*M*A*Z*I*N*G*!!!!

    Congratulations! You look awesome in that green. I LOVE IT! I don’t care how much it cost.

  23. Sister Wolf says:

    arline – Thanks, I didn’t even know I liked green. “Brazen” sounds better than vulgar, I’ll see if the husband will recant.

    Mark -Thanks, Marky! I love your thinking re the $.

  24. The green is the best green I’ve seen.

  25. WCGB says:

    I just realized that “dick” is sometimes used as a pejorative, as in “don’t be a dick” — hence the preference for cock.

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