Look Sexy, But Say No

Thanks to the diligence of Palingates, I’m now aware of The Candie’s Foundation, the organization that hired Bristol Palin as a poster girl for teenage abstinence.

If there’s not enough hypocrisy in Bristol Palin telling teenagers not to have sex, The Candie’s Foundation is the work of Candie’s CEO Neil Cole, who wants to cover all bases. While his company flogs trampy high heels to young girls, his foundation reminds them via tight tank-tops ($15) to “BE SEXY: It doesn’t mean you have to have sex.”

Hahaha! Is everybody crazy now?!? Is there a way to apply the fox in the hen-house to this situation? If not, can any sane parent condone these idiotic t-shirts for their poor jail-bait daughter?

Bristol, the jig is up! You got knocked up! Go home and take care of that sedated baby of yours.

Neil, you stupid whoremongering Capitalist Pig, just sell your crappy shoes and drool over teenage poontang with that fucker from American Apparel, without bothering the rest of us.

Teenage Girls, stop giving blowjobs beind the cafeteria unless HE DOES YOU FIRST.

I am really, really mad.

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15 Responses to Look Sexy, But Say No

  1. Danielle says:

    Hands-down the most AWFUL campaign ever. And I bet people are going to eat it up.

    Pardon, I’m going to go puke now.

  2. WCGB says:

    Barf. No, projectile vomiting.

    And Brittany Spears as a “spokesmodel” for the company as well. It just all falls together so neatly, doesn’ it.

  3. Yes, everyone is crazy now.

    I am laughing so hard at your advice at the end of this post.

    And, poo on Candies.

  4. Deni says:

    I love you more when you’re this mad!

  5. crocodilian says:

    This reminds me of those ridiculous K-Mart “abstinence sweatpants” from last year. If you missed all the articles about them, you’re in for a real treat:


    “Whether she is lounging around the house, going to practice, or doing her chores…These athletic pants boldly proclaim just where she stands by pointing out that ‘True Love Waits’ in a large screen print on the front and back of these pants.”

  6. annemarie says:

    Bristol Palin– what a fucking cunt TM. To think I actually felt sorry for her once!

    I saw Matt Lauer try to interview her and her dad. No question was answered directly and questions about Levi were met a “I am not here to talk about my personal life” with a coy, faux-disgusted smile that said “but i am really pleased you asked because i REALLY wanted to say that line!! thank you!!!!”

    “You know Matt, I am really not here to talk about MY personal life, I am just here to talk about other peoples.’ I mean, like seriously, would you ask Tom Petty that?”

  7. annemarie says:

    WHY can i not write a sentence without a typo? Why god, why?

  8. Juri says:

    They should make a maternity t-shirt saying: “I’m pregnant enough to know that abstinence vows work.” Willow could wear that when she gets knocked up.

    Also too, I think my version of abstinence is not too different from that of the Palin kids. Of course, in my program the kids use protection. I think Bristol and her mother should come over and compare notes with me.

  9. hammie says:

    Why oh Why didn’t you come and do “the talk” when I was in middle school.

    I think “don’t do him unless he does you first” would have made a lot more sense.

  10. Aja says:

    I knew there was a reason I never liked Candies. Never bought a pair even when they were all the rage when I was in junior high. (I think I also found them to be unsightly). Why can’t everyone just stop telling teenage girls what to do and focus on safe sex? Teens are going to do whatever they want and as soon as America realizes that (and stops being a pack of sanctimonious twats in regards to sex because we all know the majority of american DOES NOT wait until marriage to have sex), maybe then we’ll do something about the number of unwed mothers and STDs floating about.

  11. OMGGMAB says:

    I cannot respond adequately to this lunacy. The ridiculousness of the abstinence campaign, let alone promoted by a girl who clearly is not abstinent, is too much for words. Reminds me of my favorite Monty Python movie that parodies the blind stupidity of Catholics believing that using birth control is a sin because every sperm is sacred! Perhaps Sarah and the Pope have been conferring.

  12. WCGB says:

    Aspirin between the knees. Works every time!

  13. I think you’d be a brilliant sex ed teacher!

  14. These poor girls, I couldn’t believe it when my nephew told me all the popular girls were giving blow jobs at parties! At their age I thought “blow job” involved actual blowing on something (I was a late bloomer). Girls, listen to Sister Wolf and get something out of them first.

  15. It’s just an excuse to put young girls/women on a poster for more salivation. Truly this is a shit idea and totally sad where’s the ‘my cock is firing on all cylinders but I’m gonna save my smizz until I can find the perfect cunt’ poster??

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