Why Won’t Lindsay Lohan Hit Bottom?


When I saw this photo of Lindsay Lohan taking a bow at the disastrous Ungaro show, I couldn’t help feeling sorry for her. Look at the emotions playing upon her worn-out face:   “They love me!” “I’ve finally arrived!” “Now Sam will be sorry!”

She doesn’t even realize how much everyone hates her or how much ridicule she’s about to endure. She is totally, monumentally clueless. The bulging lips are the icing on the cake, as it were.

But check out this Ungaro model. No one bothered to get her a feeding tube, with all the commotion about how awful the clothes were.


Poor girl! I’ll bet you anything that when she looks in the mirror, she sees a fat pig.   This isn’t Lindsay’s fault, even though Lindsay has a lot to answer for. Like the beaded white tuxedo jacket she wore to court today, which I’ve seen at net-a-porter and a bunch of other high-end shopping sites.

The truth is, I just can’t hate LL any more. She has exhausted my reserve of hatred for her and I need to move on.   Her sister might be a good candidate. Or maybe Kate Bosworth? Kate Bosworth hasn’t done anything offensive per se, but her pointlessness is starting to get to me.

Nominations, anyone?

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18 Responses to Why Won’t Lindsay Lohan Hit Bottom?

  1. David Duff says:

    Michelle Obama?

    Or better still, and more ‘wolfish’, either, or both, of her kids!

  2. Jill says:

    I’m getting so fucking old, I don’t see the point in any of the “starlets”. Half of them – I’m not even sure who they are or why they are “relevant”.

  3. K-Line says:

    I really do feel sorry for her at this point. You can see her misery, her desolation, in her face. She’s such a young woman and she looks 40. It’s very sad.

  4. Poor thing – lets not even bother about them any more – a ban on the boredom of it all! A tracheotomy on them – can one do such a thing?

  5. dewayne says:

    i had a crush on lindsay lohan from the parent trap until she decided to follow the toothpick trend of emaciation. not in a romantic way, or for any truly personal reasons; it was an uncontrollable physical reaction. what happened to the curvy nubile in mean girls? was that a costume that she just stopped wearing? her lips were fine the way they were! now she is just some kind of fucked up marionette.

  6. WendyB says:

    Poor girl. It’s sad. This is what happens when your parents should have been forcibly sterilized before they had a chance to breed.

  7. Iron Chic says:

    Kate Hudson, Charlize Theron, Sienna Miller, Lauren Conrad, Alexa Chung, Heidi Spencer, Whitney Port, Kim Kardashian, Pink.
    Ughhhhhhhhhhhh I haaaaaaaaaaaatteeee Pink the most.

  8. Vee says:

    I propose these two lovelies.

    Or the Geldof spawn.

  9. OMGGMAB says:

    LL looks so sad! It is hard to believe that she was that cute little girl in “The Parent Trap.” Fame has trampled her. Fame is a whore.

    Watch the Michelle Obama talk, Duff.

    And sorry for you, Iron, that you hate Pink. I think it’s time to “burn this f’er down”! My favorite words to her song “Fun House.” Despite what I may have thought of her previously, her love, pain, and anger are obvious in her last CD. The break up of her marriage wounded her, and for that I do have some empathy.

    Anyway, I vote, of course, for Sarah Palin as the continued object of our disdain. She’s such a fashion icon and a person to whom I just cannot compare. That reminds me of another song. . . Sing it Sinead!

  10. alittlelux says:

    i want to bathe lindsay lohan! maybe if she wasn’t covered in orange pancake make-up she wouldn’t look so old? i don’t know…. i wish someone would help her. perhaps the next project for our street gang?

  11. I agree with Wendy B; with parents like hers, Lindsay didn’t stand a chance!
    She is a sad case though…it’s hard not to pity her.

  12. Ann says:

    Iron Chic offers a formidable list, most of which I support as well. And Vee brings up an excellent nomination with the Geldof spawn. She’s awful.

    Is Ashton Kutcher too obvious?

  13. Iron Chic says:

    OH OH! I have a new person to add. Possibly the WORST female human ever- Kimora Lee Simmons. Fuck! I saw her reality show for the first time last night and she is quite the POW (piece of work) What a stupid, useless, spoiled, arrogant cunt. She never shuts up. I’m over the other ones now, she takes the cunt-cake.

  14. Mark says:

    No one watches Cuntora Lee Simmons’s show, thank God. She’s probably bankrolling it herself.

    A hilarious friend of mine uses Lindsay Lohan as sort of an age barometer: “I saw Katie Couric on Madison yesterday. She looked as old as Lindsay Lohan.”

  15. hammie says:

    The king is never killed by his enemies, but by his courtiers. Someone needs to stop saying “yes Lindsay” and start saying “you look fucking awful by the way so eat something and take a bath and stop taking so many stupid drugs”


  16. hammie says:

    oh and “you have a face like a smacked arse, stop with the plumping shite too”

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