Window Blinds: A Fight To The Death

new sign unpacked

We are moving box by box, until Monday when the moving truck comes to take the big stuff.  The new house is nice, and a neighbor from across the street gave us a bottle of wine and some cookies to welcome us. We bought huge rattan porch chairs from a guy on Craig’s list, and sitting on the porch enjoying a gentle sea breeze is genuinely idyllic.

But then there’s the window blinds.

I have never had one single thought about window blinds. They played no role in my existence. But that’s over. We’ve entered into a tense conflict over what kind of blinds to get. I want real wood. He wants faux wood, I guess made of vinyl. Wood is expensive and bla bla bla. But vinyl blinds seem creepy and not homey. Why wants vinyl anything?

I kept on promoting wood, and my husband kept on noting that he couldn’t tell the difference, so fake wood was fine. We got increasingly frustrated. It became one of those ‘just admit I’m right’ argument. I suggested that the one who cares most should trump the one who doesn’t fee emotional invested.

I went into another room feeling angry, wronged, resentful, and wounded. Who gives a shit about fucking blinds, I thought. Why give a shit about anything.

I wondered whether the fight was really about control, fear, loss, insecurity. For me, yep, all those things, plus grief, going through old schoolwork and mother’s day cards, art projects, stuffed animals, used hypodermic needles.  I have to keep all these things in my heart while letting go of them physically. At least some of them.

Meanwhile, the motherfucking blinds. I wish we could just get curtains instead. And I need to buy a pink toilet to match the bathtub. I don’t care what it costs because life owes me a pink toilet.

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19 Responses to Window Blinds: A Fight To The Death

  1. D.R. says:

    Wood will degrade and eventually warp in humidity. Faux will warp if in direct sunlight (don’t pay attention to anyone that says they won’t). Painted faux is an alternative. White faux looks like painted wood. Window treatments matter and there are a lot of options. I have very dark faux wood blinds in gigantic picture windows facing north in my LR. So far no problems. Knock on faux wood. BTW, only one way to dust them…with vac tool. Sigh.

  2. David Duff says:

    We have vertical, sort-of cloth blinds. Their main advantage is that being vertical they don’t get dusty.

    If you require any further home help tips I am always available, just call me Auntie David!

  3. Jools says:

    I have plantation shutters across the front of my house. So sick of them and they block out too much light. Curtains in the dining room. Messy. Linen roman shades in daughters room. Ridiculously $$$! Wood Blinds in kitchen and bathroom. Love them. They let so much light in and are pretty easy to keep clean. Wood ones in the kitchen and fake wood in the bathroom. I wanted real wood for both. Was talked out of it because extra moisture in the bathroom would damage the wood. I cannot tell the difference! The real wood ones look a tad older- there is a slight crack in one blind. Btw both sets of blinds are in white -not the white white-one shade softer. If you’re getting the painted blinds I don’t think it matters. If you’re getting wood colored blinds then well that’s a different story. Oops. No help at all.
    P.s. It matters. Make it beautiful. xo

  4. Tinlizzie says:

    We have bamboo blinds mounted on muslin that roll down like roman shades. They were NOT expensive (compared to other options) and I love them!

  5. Rosie says:

    Why do you need blinds if you have not needed them before? We have taken all the blinds down in every house we had, because they get dusty and block light and I don’t like them. In England everyone has net curtains which you can “twitch” when you want to be nosey. always good, but not so good at night ’cause everyone can see through them from the outside. you can completely see through those skinny bamboo blinds at night too, which reminds me of a funny story.
    Sharing decorating decisions with someone else is a real pain, they have their own opinions, which is so annoying of them I find.

  6. Winter Bird says:

    Life owes you an Art Deco pink toilet and so much more.

  7. ali says:

    “Life Owes Me a Pink Toilet” sounds like a slam poetry performance piece. You could hold that sign to let the audience know their snaps are unnecessary.

    Unfortunately I think about blinds all the time because my cat has chewed cat-sized doors into every set of blinds in my apartment. Fuck it, I guess. Bamboo sounds cat proof.

    Good luck with the sorting. Getting rid of some of it will make the presence of the preserved objects more powerful. At least, that’s my experience.

    xo

  8. deb says:

    I also found myself in the same situation. In the end we bought a plastic coating for our windows – easy to do yourself, extremely cost effective. The windows look like frosted glass. Perfect for letting in light and keeping nosy neighbours out. As well as this we found our power bill in the winter was greatly improved. On the wooden blinds, we had them in a previous home and loved them. They held their own even in the harsh NZ sun.

  9. Judes says:

    We just bought our first place and I splurged on real wooden blinds with beautiful blue cloth tapes and they’re worth it. If they were vinyl, I would’ve wasted so much time staring at them, just looking for flaws. GO FOR WOODEN!

    I also bought a pink toilet seat with shells embedded. My boyfriend likes the blinds, hates the toilet seat.

  10. Liz!! says:

    If you believe that you will be wiping down your blinds at least once in this lifetime, get vinyl vertical. If you want to endure the extreme punishment of taking down blinds, cleaning them one by one, and then putting them back up again, enjoy the wooden horizontal blinds. Those are HELL.

    But pink toilet seat? Always!

  11. Steph says:

    Fuck blinds. They’re a bitch to clean. Just get a can of that spray snow and pretend it’s Christmas all year round. Besides, the glory of a pink toilet will eclipse all concern for window dressings. Focus on finding the new throne.

  12. Bevitron says:

    Oh, to plop my ass on the pink seat of a pink toilet! I would drive the three thousand miles cross-country just for the thrill.

    Any window covering you use is going to require some dusting/cleaning/shakeout, eventually, if that kind of dirt bothers you. Get what you won’t hate looking at day after day. And remember – you’ll always have your bathroom.

  13. tess says:

    http://chicago.craigslist.org/wcl/zip/4731390042.html

    free, but a bit out of the way, good luck finding pinkness closer to home

    I miss the white metal blinds with maroon fabric tape my mother had, they fell victim to one of her purges, would look pretty in your place,
    I like soft curtains/drapes myself,
    roman shades are possible to diy if you like the look

    “no vinyl and that’s final,” creepy, weird chemicals, and hard to clean

  14. Michael West says:

    ..for a soothing atmosphere paint the windows black.. ..and it will freak out your new neighbors and keep them at a pleasant distance..

  15. Marky says:

    Look for a pink toilet on Craig’s List or at one of those demolition stores. You need a pink toilet!

  16. AK says:

    Oh, we got rid of a pink toilet, along with a pink sink and a couple tons of pink tile. I would have kept it all if it had been in good condition.

    We have plantation shutters that are plastic of some kind. I wanted to get venetian blinds but the window’s span was too long. The shutters were not cheap, but have held up beautifully. No warping or discoloring. No smell either. I do not dust them. If they’re dusty, I just haven’t noticed.

  17. Elodie says:

    Just stumbled across your blog and have spent an embarrassingly long time trawling your archives! Be careful with that pink toilet wish though. You’d be surprised how quickly the novelty wears off and you wish you’d just stuck with plain ol’ alabaster.

  18. David Duff says:

    Never mind all this rubbish about blinds – get out there and do your duty by voting for your nearest and dearest Republican! Your country expects, and all that sort of thing . . .

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