Just kidding. 65 is old, very old, a time of Medicare, high cholesterol, and a dread of seeing that your shoes are untied and you have to go ALL THE WAY DOWN THERE to tie them.
Last week on my birthday, I wore my discounted Burberry dress to go out to dinner, vaping my MedMen product before leaving the house. The bridge entrance to Long Beach was closed, so we took a different route that had us driving around lost for a quite a while. Suddenly we made a turn and found we were driving into oncoming traffic. I didn’t see my life rewinding before my eyes but I did feel a frisson of excitement: WE’RE GOING TO DIE! I thought for a moment, and it was okay, because I was strapped into my seat-belt and wearing a nice dress. It would be quick and better than being cut into pieces by a maniac (too much crime TV.)
Anyway, we lived to make a u-turn. Dinner was good. The restaurant had huge screens showing 80s MTV videos, including my favorite Pat Benator song, Love is a Battlefield. She’s a warrior in a tube top and scrunched-down boots, shouting, “We are young!!!!”
Being young is really great. If you’re reading this and you’re young, go out and do everything except opiates, and don’t date guys from the internet who will cut you into pieces and throw them in a ditch so it takes law enforcement seven months to find you.
I hate the commercials I keep seeing with grey-haired old ladies tramping through the hills, bragging about how good they feel and how much they still plan to do. Fuck them.
I really don’t want to do anything, and I’m too old to do it anyway. I do want to finish up my time on earth with less mental suffering. So I keep reading about depression and PTSD, every new study, new treatments, new evidence that your very DNA is a portent of doom. I know that rumination is not helpful but I pretend that what I’m doing is “research.”
But now, my “research” has led me to Metacognitive Therapy. The strategy here is to stop the rumination by interrupting it. Not analyzing why you do it or why you can’t control it. When the thought appears, don’t engage with it. Practice turning your attention elsewhere. Simple as that. Also, add more activities to your daily life, limiting your time to churn worries and self-recrimination.
When you’re caught up in negative rumination, your brain is struggling with itself but it thinks it must continue, like it’s a taking the SAT and isn’t allowed to turn it in, incomplete.
My plan is to listen to more music, read short stories, write more, smoke more weed, find some volunteer work with disabled people, make some bad folk art and keep my hair looking good.
I’m still going to think about death because I like the subject. For example, this story of an 104 year old man who wanted to get it over with is so touching and filled with profound questions and insights. David Goodall seems like a great guy who was more than ready to exit. I love his last words before losing consciousness:
This is taking an awfully long time.
Thoughts, advice, birthday wishes, anyone?
John McCain’s 106-year-old mother probably would have been glad to die before her son, if she’d had a choice. Happy birthday to you, Sister Wolf, I’m a couple of years behind you, with some of the same thoughts.
Let me be the first! Happy happy birthday dear Sista! You look so beautiful, young, hip and chic! And I see your nails are a fabulous blue! Manicure? I think you are in an excellent place, you are always working and reworking things out. It’s time to give your 65 year old self a break. You deserve to do whatever makes you happy. Don’t ruminate ( my goal at 65) be nice to yourself. Thank goodness we are young, have time to reverse psychic damage we have done to ourselves and find contentment. Love you, much happiness.
Happy birthday from West Aust (David Goodall’s former hunting ground). Your mane is amazing! Could you please do a post on your hair secrets? it would cheer up this about-to-turn-50- and -not-coping -so -well .
and yes – I know I have so much to be grateful for 🙂
“Suddenly we made a turn and found we were driving into oncoming traffic.”
You know, Big Sis, I am beginning to worry about your husband! Either he should take more water with it or, better still, he should go to ‘Specsavers:
Happy, happy birthday. I am just a few months behind you and am pondering what this big Medicare mandated natal anniversary should mean. Hmmmm….? Wishing you lots of daily small joys and pleasures and thanking you for your posts which are always interesting, thought provoking and often funny.
Mind the maintenance Sister.
https://godammit.com/enjoy-my-colon/
Happy Birthday!
New AARP member here, but think I’m still 25 and it needs to stop. You look sophisticated and glamorous, which in itself is a huge accomplishment in my eyes. Wishing you a Happy Birthday without ruminating. I went to a Joe Walsh concert on my 50th birthday and it was a good reminder that being old has nothing to do with being cool.
Happy Birthday! You look great, but specially your nails!
happy birthday SW. you look fantastic. so, there’s that.
Your blog has been and continues to be one of my pleasures. Happy Birthday SW!
Happy Birthday!
Belated Birthday wishes to a beautiful, skinny, stylish , brilliant writer……
More people should know your genius!
Belated Birthday wishes from me too.
You are gifted in ways you don’t know how to measure.
Thank you for sharing.
How did you get on with the fragrance you treated yourself to last year? Was it a winner?
Not too much happy birthday, better to be different ! Still 40 years ! kisses