Addendum to Heroic Mothers: Less Self-Pity


Okay, some of you have reminded me that I don’t need to be a hero or activist to be okay. That seems fair. I’m lowering the bar for me and for everyone else. For those of us suffering from a life-changing trauma, getting out of bed and going through the motions are commendable.

I remained upright to take care of my younger son, to see him graduate high school, go off to college, fall in love and get married. I survived a crazy hate mob of trolls. I learned something about forgiveness. Not everything but something. I have bonded with readers of this blog who offered comfort or shared their own stories. These connections are like little miracles.

So you know, I take back the stuff about being worthless. I will marvel at people who make an effort to change the world when their own world has collapsed. I’m just not a doer. I’m better at communicating through writing. I’m better one-on-one.

I’m good at being preachy. I’m good at urging people to stop shaming addicts and to treat them lovingly, with compassion. I’m good at calming people who are frantic with anxiety and depression.

I’m good at styling people who go shopping with me. I’m good at making them over in my own image. I’m good at advising on red lipstick and steering people away from Zara. I’m good at finding silk pajamas at Salvation Army shops. I’m good at affecting obscure accents in public. I’m good at giving compliments. I make great roast chicken.

I think that’s it for now. I’m okay, alright? I’m going to limit self-deprecation to special occasions. Like my birthday, coming up next week.

Thanks for being the wind or the wings or however it goes! Thanks for being here. xo


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12 Responses to Addendum to Heroic Mothers: Less Self-Pity

  1. Dj says:

    We love you sista!

  2. Tom Isenberg says:

    Excellent, Sister Wolf. You are all the things you mention and much more. To us you are a hero fighting the good fight. All this is something to celebrate and be thankful for. Thank you. Xo, Tom

  3. mary says:

    I have a sometimes rancid relationship with my daughter. Our past history has been quite traumatic at times. Didn’t bond enough or something plus the pressures of being raised by a young depressed single mother (me). Yet we are both good people and bond passionately over her children (my adorable grandkids). But when our relationship is down, it’s down. And I find comfort in your posts. Your Mother’s Day post was especially inspiring without any artifice or illusions about the human condition. Thank you.

  4. Penny says:

    I’d love some red lipstick advice and would sell my soul for a decent roast chicken dinner. On a shitty day I click on to your website and can always guarantee to be entertained; whether it’s an out loud laugh or something to ponder on; don’t ever trivialise or take that gift for granted SW. How dull the world would be if we were all the same.

  5. Romeo says:

    “Iā€™m good at calming people who are frantic with anxiety and depression.”
    You have been a great source of comfort to many no matter what slanders the pro-chicken lobby might smear upon you.

  6. Suspended says:

    Have a great Birthday without the self-deprecation. Treat yourself to that cannabis fragrance, a new blood rouge lip tint and some fancy new footwear. I insist!

    This post made me smile. You sound ever so human. I’m preachy too and I often find as soon as I make some lofty proclamation, I do the opposite five minutes later. I think I might be a hypocrite but I feel what I feel in the moment.

    I love that you haven’t learned everything about forgiveness. You shouldn’t either. That would be depressing. It’s nice to hold on to a little something even if it’s just the tiniest little grudge.

    Thank you for all the insightful moments you’ve given us over the years. I can’t count the amount of times you’ve made me think, laugh or cry with your beautiful words and experiences. xoxo

  7. Andra says:

    You’re doing just fine and remember – every day above ground’s a good day!

  8. Mr. Picodogg says:

    You’re all kinds of good!

  9. Sister Wolf says:

    Dj – I love you back.

    Tom Isenberg – I think of you every single day when I look at the tiny piggy on my desk xo

    Mary – Thank you for the kind words. We couldn’t help being depressed young mothers – those are the cards that were dealt to us. I’m so glad you have the grandchildren in your life!

    Penny – Thanks for sticking with me. Have you tried MAC Ruby Woo to start with?

    Romeo – Hahahahahhaa! xoxoxoxo

    Suspended – Your comment on the Hero Mothers is what changed my perspective. You have had a real impact on my life, you know that? I’m gonna get the god damn perfume and wear it in your honor.

    Andra – Yep, yep, thank you Andra. You are an excellent role model.

    Mr. Picodogg – I’m nothing without my team.

  10. Suspended says:

    Now I’m certain you’re overstating my effect but it’s still kind of you to say. Most of the time I feel like I’m boring you all to death with my idiotic ramblings. I’ve deleted so many comments once the realisation of “who cares?” kicks in but I’ll still never leave you šŸ˜‰

    Yes! Buy the perfume and wear it in my honour! I can take that quite happily šŸ™‚

    (then you can let me know if it’s any good and I can buy one too.)

  11. Sandra says:

    But you are a doer. You’re writing and that’s doing a thing. I’m sure you’ve helped people who have also lost a child by writing about your grief. I’m sure you have helped people who are having a shitty time in other ways by distracting them with your Horrible Denim Callouts.

  12. Kellie says:

    We all have to learn to work with our strengths. Not everyone has to change the world. Nor should they.
    With everything being so crazy and out of control in the world, its more than ok to focus your efforts on what you can do. Which is be with your people. We are all just struggling along, trying to make the most of our own bad situations.
    You are an inspiration to me. All that you have had to deal with, more than 10 people’s worth of shit I would say.
    Keep on keepin on. You are amazing.

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