Fine, I am ageist.
Diane Keaton and Goldie Hawn are both 68.
Jamie Leigh Curtis is 55.
These three actresses have all the advantages that come with their privileged positions, but to my mind they are old bags whose faces scare me. I don’t know what I want them to look like. Just not like this.
And yet as upsetting as they are, I’m sure they are full of had-earned wisdom. I know some shit, too. So if you’re not an old bag yet, here is some good advice that you will thank me for:
Don’t overpluck your eyebrows. Your mom is right.
Stay out of the sun.
Stop trying to control people, because you can’t.
Consider red a neutral.
Chanel handbags are crap, don’t waste your money.
Learn how to fake a good smile but only use it for photographs.
Remember that people are idiots.
Hand-wash any clothes you love, no matter what.
Learn to say I’m Sorry and keep saying it, even if you’re not.
Hats look pretentious unless it’s raining.
Everyone’s family is crazy, not just yours.
Never be ashamed of stuff that’s not your fault.
9 or 10 karat gold is no good unless it’s Victorian.
Hair is everything.
Okay, I’m pretty sure that’s all I’ve learned but if I think of anything else I’ll let you know. Here are some old bags who make it look tolerable: Tempest Storm, Gloria Pall and Dixie Evans.
And here is ‘Beso’ long wear lip color by Stila. You need soap to get it off!