Do You Want to be a Pony?

Neither do I!   But a whole lot of people are working hard at this very moment to perfect their gait and spruce up their saddles in preparation for some exciting “ponyplay.”

Why am I the last one to find out about stuff like this?? My husband showed me an article in the LA Weekly about a 50 year old woman who dresses up like a pony and makes a good living at it. She goes to crazy pony events where ponies and masters hope to hook up, and others where the ponies compete for awards.

Listen, I understand role-playing. Naughty schoolgirl, fine. Cantering around with a bit in my mouth and a tail in my butt, I’m just not feeling it.

Here are some hooves you can buy….”Nice look, clip-clop sound when used on the floor.”

What the fuck is wrong with people, you know? Life is so difficult and complicated and so easy to screw up, why try to live it as a fake pony?

This entry was posted in Disorders, Horrible Stuff, Rants and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

55 Responses to Do You Want to be a Pony?

  1. urbain says:

    Show this to your husband (he will feel stupid w/ his L.A Weekly) :

  2. Sister Wolf says:

    urbain – He would feel the same as he did about the pony woman….he didn’t give a shit but he knew I’d go nuts.

  3. Cricket9 says:

    SW, it got so mainstream now that there was an episode of “Bones” about a murder in a group of “human ponies”. Seems that indulging in a bit of pony-riding is just another thing to do if you feel like it. I definitely prefer real horses. Someone told me that, apparently, there are people with ear wax fetish. Ear wax???

  4. SACRAMENTO says:

    What ever next. ..I do hope it stays in America…Sorry all yours!!!
    Sacramento

  5. Sheri says:

    “Life is so difficult and complicated and so easy to screw up, why try to live it as a fake pony?”

    Maybe that’s easier than dealing with reality; they know it’s not real, so it doesn’t matter.

    But still, very sad, very disturbing. I just clicked on the “ponyplay” link and now I have to go poke out my eyes.

  6. Nadia says:

    Hahaha! We get so many hits from people searching ‘human pony girl’ or the like in google. It was the title of one of our posts, named after a Samhain song. This is how I found out about pony play!

  7. Suebob says:

    I saw a few minutes of this on “Real Sex” one night and it squeamed me out in a way that few other things have. Something about the tiny hooves…eeech.

  8. Suspended says:

    I found out about this a few months ago. It’s so ugly to watch; fat humans with their bits out.

    I love how the shoes have a by-line, “sold in pairs.” How disheartening, real ponies need 4 shoes….I’m certain they’re killing the fantasy

  9. Rosa says:

    I just had a very vivid, My Fucked Up Little Pony Club haute couture Vision: full body suit of leather in ‘pony hair’ finish, those stupid fucking Alexander McQueen ‘Armadillo’ goat heels, studded leather saddle with extra studs on the studs, detachable cat-o-nine tails whip for the pony tail (fashion meets functionality), and a TAXIDERMY horse head mask. Fucking killing it.

  10. Carole says:

    And I thought plushophilia was weird!

  11. Dru says:

    I’d want the hooves, but only so I could kick someone (i.e. perverts who think girls exist to be felt up) HARD in the nuts.

  12. Bourbon Drinker Known as MJ says:

    I learned about this last year when legitimate case research led me to learning about The House of Gord (NSFW) and his woman-machines and pony-girl-pulled chariot.

    Uh, yeah.

    Non gustibus and all that.

  13. I’m sure there’s some complicated and headaching psychological explanation that would attempt to mitigate this strange lifestyle choice. But as for me…

    Some strange part of me just wants to wear a pair of fake pony hooves to class one day. Just to see what happens.

  14. RedPaeony says:

    What the fuck? Where does this peculiar fetish come from? I’ve no idea how people come up with these things.

    At any rate, you’d not find me on a silver platter with an apple in my mouth any more likely than crawling around on the floor with a tailplug up my ass.

    Neigh! x

  15. Joy D. says:

    This has been going on for a while, just like pregnant porn….yuck.

  16. urbain says:

    eh eh…

    Penisy palate cleanse and Shiva’s lingam haunted me yesterday. I made this ‘Interview of a striped american girl’. Just a ‘one more’ photo call on the pink carpet:

    http://i46.tinypic.com/312zk1y.jpg

    http://i49.tinypic.com/vskv4g.jpg

    maybe I should have a walk in the woods or take a bath of serotonin instead photoshopping (for everybody’s sake ).

    nb: Yep, I like Aurel Schmidt work (cf my collage), but not enough to buy his T-shirts on Opening Ceremony (even if it’s the only reasonable stuff I could add to tote.

  17. melissa says:

    I’ll be honest here, that little child inside of me who used to run around the house on all fours and whinny at my mother just jumped around excitedly when she saw those shoes. I would have KILLED for those when I was 5 years old. Why do adults get all the fun?

  18. dust says:

    Urbain – is this what you French call Arc de Triomphe? And where is the pony?

  19. Danielle says:

    I’m surprised so many people are shocked. Pony play fetishes have been around for thousands of years. The primary reason people are getting to see all sorts of sexual subgroups today is because there are many businesses on the Internet today that cater to specialized sexual needs, which leads to google hits, which eventually leads to, yes, youtube videos and an episode of Bones. Of course it shocks, frightens, and confuses some people; but I generally think it’s better these subgroups exist and can connect not only with each other but with the mainstream to better promote tolerance and understanding. You might scoff today at pony play fetishes as a form of inexplicable sexual deviation but, remember, it wasn’t long ago that homosexuality was also clothed in secrecy and considered an inexplicable–and illegal–sexual deviation. Of course, now the popular (liberal) opinion has changed and homosexuality is no longer as demonized as it once was, particularly legally; but I don’t see the difference between homosexuality and pony play/other fetishes. If no one is getting hurt and everyone consents, who cares? So the gear is a little weird, who cares? Some people like to eat their pizza dipped in ranch dressing which I find a little weird but, really, it’s their pizza, their body, and their right to eat ranch-dipped pizza so what does it matter to me?

  20. Erika says:

    I’m still trying to wrap my brain around the idea of furries and now there are ponies too huh ? is nothing from childhoold sacred ???

  21. Back in the 80’s in NY we had “Danny the Wonder Pony” who used to prance around the Limelight and other nightclubs looking for wee petite girls to give rides to. He had a saddle, reins, a whole get up. And no, even though I fit his preferred body type, I never took a ride, as it wasn’t my thing! I always presumed it was like any other fetish, and always there just that the general public was unaware of it. The fetish was alive in the UK back then too so I presume it was also in Europe.

  22. Beth says:

    I bet Sea would find a way to wear those hooves with a vintage dries blouse and a KILLER mini skirt. Maybe Mom could find another French person to send the perfect animal pendant to complete the outfit.

  23. Not to Be Rude But... says:

    Just a note: Urbain – Aurel Schmidt is a she, not a he. Interesting career trajectory – her mind seems to have gotten twisted/’liberated about being naked in public’ after being photo’d by Terry Richardson. So in addition to her fine art work (the drawing is amazing, the cigarette burns are not) she now does raunchy nude self-portraits. Not that I judge what she does, it’s just fascinating what that NYC art scene comes up with in terms of rebellion and transgression. (Dating myself here, but anyone remember Lydia Lunch?) Sorry, totally off topic to pony lifestyles.

  24. Maybe you can give puppy play a try instead? Anddddddddd, if you ever do get into the pony fetish, they’ve got great anal butt plugs with pony hair attached to them at Stockroom in Silverlake. Just stick it in and you’ve instantly got a tail!

  25. Miss Janey says:

    Miss J has to wonder if its LESS complicated as a fake pony than as a real human.

  26. Anqui says:

    Which famous designer did a pony play inspired collection a few seasons ago? Was it Rick Owens? Can’t really remember but I think it’s funny how the fashion world slowly keeps appropriating fetish elements (latex pants, hoofed shoes- are pretty mainstream now).

  27. Anqui says:

    Oh, and while I think pony play and the like are pretty weird (but, as another commenter said, as long as it’s something between consensual adults, why should I care) but I’d give extra cunty-ness points for anyone like Sea or the BleachBlack girls for wearing this kinda gear and pretending to be all edgy and witty.

  28. ellio100 says:

    they don’t even look like ponies 🙁

    at least they look happy though

  29. Lezzies says:

    i live my life not wondering why people do things, but rather accepting to each their own (unless, of course, that thing involves hurting other people…)

  30. WendyB says:

    If I could make a lot of money as a fake pony, I might have to consider it. I have expenses you know.

  31. Rosa says:

    -> Danielle: “but I don’t see the difference between homosexuality and pony play/other fetishes.”

    I do. Homosexuality is NOT a fetish.

  32. dana says:

    i suppose it’s cheaper and less destructive than a drug or shoe habit. But maybe they could take up charity work.

  33. Rosa says:

    ^ Shit, you weren’t saying it was a fetish were you? The way you worded it I thought you were. But just got what you meant as soon as I said the above. Sorry Danielle!! I eat my own fucking words.

    By the way, I understand the “who cares, it’s consensual” argument. Deep down, I even agree with it. But that doesn’t stop me from having a laugh at thousands of things that the “who cares/not hurting anyone/la la la” statement could apply to.

  34. Taylor says:

    Have you heard of plushies? They basically cut holes in stuffed animals in order to have their way with them. I got into wondering about the logistics of it, like do they throw away their stuffed animals after one “use,” or do they play favorites and have them hanging around the house?

    Those horse hoofs are… something else. I couldn’t believe the myriad of different ‘roles,’ that go into pony play.

  35. Cricket9 says:

    I thought that “plushies” dress up in animal costumes… remember vaguely pictures from some convention… anyway, I think that human sexuality is often quite bizarre. To this day I don’t know if they made up the objectophile in Boston Legal, or is it a real condition. The opening of an old movie Betty Blue is a realistic sequence of a young good looking couple having “plain vanilla” sex – shown without romantic lighting, special angles etc. There was a lot of huffing and puffing, and it really looked quite funny/laughable. My own dog was always leaving the room; I found out that my friends’ dogs were doing the same. Maybe they were just having a good laugh at us humans.

  36. Mary says:

    I just find this extremely funny but you know whatever. LOL.

  37. Nausicaa says:

    Oh God Taylor you’ve scarred me for life- I used to be a manga/anime nut as a kid and collected the little stuffed toy figures from many series (like Kero from Cardcaptor Sakura, the living- ok, animated- definition of cute). We called those plushies, with no idea at all about the pervy uses.

    I still have many of the toys I collected back then, but I need to go scrub my brain before I can look at them again. My poor innocent toys…

  38. Taylor says:

    Cricket, those are furries. I used to work with a bunch of them, they’re ok. The plushy thing scares me though…

  39. Aja says:

    I just don’t think I’m shocked by anything anymore. Is that sad?

  40. JK says:

    I dunno SW, should any of California’s “Ponies” come to Arkansas they’d be in for some stiff competition. But I have to ask, are they “stump-broke?”

  41. theresa says:

    sea’s next vacation. hopefully she’ll take ronny along.

  42. Sister Wolf says:

    Rosa – You are obviously a professional stylist.

    Red Paeony – Hahaha, Neigh, exactly.

    Danielle – PEOPLE PUT RANCH DRESSING ON PIZZA?!?!?!?!?

    Natalie – Yes, I am unhappily aware of the horsetail buttplug.

    Miss Janey – Well, it seems quite demanding actually, with all that trotting and cantering.

    Anqui – YES, the hipster have totally co-opted fetish gear. Tragic.

    WendyB- The woman in the LA Weekly claims to make $150,000 a year. You’re right, we need to pursue careers as show ponies.

    Aja – That’s terrible. Maybe you need to move or something.

    theresa – All roads lead to Sea, don’t they?

  43. SACRAMENTO says:

    Daniella, more than shock I think we are bored

  44. jane says:

    why on earth are people so…. uegh so revoltingly minded. its like the story of the girl who let a stallion ride her or maybe it was blowing the stallion….? and the horses load was too much to handle…and next thing you know she choked on horse jizz. humans just need to chill out on the animal related sexual fantasies… i get leather and latex and dominatrix (there is some rad stripper shoes on the market- shoes not hoofs mind you) but animals, and vegetables and children are no no’s.

  45. Cricket9 says:

    I used to work as a horse riding (or is it horse-riding?) instructor. IMO, “blowing the stallion” is physically impossible; however, I knew a few girls who really, really liked to ride bareback. Sorry for the revolting-mindedness.

  46. Rosa says:

    SW – It is obvious, but thanks all the same for noticing that I am, in fact, a Professional Stylist. Please inform me if anyone – looking at you Sea – should try to take on my Pony Couture Vision free of charge, so I can promptly bill them before I slit their throats. (As my muse, you’d get a share of all proceeds raised, it’s only fair.)

  47. I haven’t been able to look at a mascot the same way since I read the article about plushies and furries in Vanity Fair a few years ago, but I was unaware of this subgroup.

  48. kellie says:

    If you knew half of the things people get up to at a Dominatrix studio, you would hide under your bed and never come out.
    Quite tellingly, the majority of them are men.

  49. Anna-Maria says:

    It was Martin Margiela who did the hoof shoes but there are others as well:
    http://www.designboom.com/weblog/cat/8/view/9050/hoof-shoe-success-continues.html

    Kind of gross, eh?

  50. anaisnun says:

    First time commenting, love your blog.
    Here in Long Beach, CA, I was at the Gay Pride parade and and a whole herd of pony people clopped by, the drivers in chariot-like contraptions.
    It was an amazing sight! We were speechless but very amused.
    I’ve spent much time around the BDSM scene, but a whole herd of ponies in a parade? Priceless, bewildering, yet I felt respect for them.

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